


Ain't Together

by FivePips, jennandblitz



Series: Rock 'n' Pole [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Arguments, Asexual Character, Asexuality Spectrum, Established Relationship, Eventual Fluff, Genderfluid Character, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Modern Setting, Other, Smut, asexual!Remus, genderfluid!Sirius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-10-21 04:51:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 78,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20687792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FivePips/pseuds/FivePips, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennandblitz/pseuds/jennandblitz
Summary: With a surprise waiting on their doorstep, slipping in to co-habitation is not going to be easy. Sirius’ past is scratching its way to the surface and both they and Remus are trying so hard to pretend that it’s fine. Can they fix things and return to how they were before or is it just too much?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please check tags as we go on

Fuck.

Sirius didn’t know what a heart attack felt like but it had to be pretty similar to this feeling. Almost on auto-pilot they unlocked the flat, ushered Reg through the door and deposited him on the sofa. They didn’t realise they’d left Remus or their bag in the stairwell, just struck with the urge to see why the hell their little brother they hadn’t spoken to in years was sat on their doorstep. In a t-shirt and jeans, in February. Looking like he’d been crying.

Tugging the blanket from the back of the sofa around Regulus’ shoulders, Sirius sat on the coffee table in front of him. “What the fuck, Reggie? What… what happened?”

Regulus shrugged a shoulder, staring at Sirius’ shirt instead of their face. “I went to your flat, but you weren’t there.”

“I moved here with Remus, like a month ago.” Sirius glanced up at that, seeing Remus walking through to the kitchen. “What happened?”

“I didn’t remember the name of your studio but that charity you work with turned up on Google. I rang the number and got Evans—Potter, whatever, her, and spoke to actually Potter. He said you were away and you’d come back today. Didn’t know what time, so I thought I’d wait…”

Sirius sat back, scraping their hands through their hair. “You said you’d be careful. You said you were okay. What was all that about the family accounts? Did you leave?”

“I… yeah… I left.” Regulus nodded.

“Thank fuck, I mean, but, why? What happened?” Sirius questioned again, trying to get to the bottom of it.

“I just couldn’t take it anymore.” Regulus shook his head then bit his lip.

“Take what?” Sirius practically whispered. They always thought Reggie was the golden child but if their parents had done something…

Regulus looked down at the blanket. “I’m gay, Sirius.”

Sirius let out a short breath. Fuck. That wasn’t so bad in the wider world but the Blacks were stuck in the dark ages. They reached out and took Regulus’ hand. “It’s okay, kid. I’m glad you’re out of there.”

“They tried to get me to marry someone. I couldn’t do it, I can’t pretend anymore. You were the only place I thought I could run to. I know Andromeda is out there somewhere and Uncle Al, but I wouldn’t even know where to go.”

“Andi lives in Norway, and I have no clue where Al is.” Sirius’ mind was running a million miles an hour. “Where are you staying?”

“Ha, no fucking idea. I’m homeless and I’m without a job.” Regulus ran a hand through his hair.

“Stay with us. We can help you find a job. Somewhere will be hiring.” Sirius had an awful feeling that Reg had been looking for them for a few days. “When did you leave?”

There was a thud in the kitchen like Remus dropped something. Regulus looked in the direction then back to Sirius. “I can’t stay, Sirius, I couldn’t do that. I left today.”

Thank god. “Where the fuck else are you gonna go? You’re my kid brother I’m not gonna let you sleep on the streets, even if I haven’t seen you in years.”

“I don’t know, Sirius, shit.” Reg shook his head. “I’ll get a job and get out of your hair soon enough.”

“We can look tomorrow. Just—“ Sirius rubbed a hand over their face— “I’m just trying to catch the fuck up honestly. Does she know where you are, where you were going?”

“Well, we had a big argument — her and Orion and me — I told them.” Regulus looked up as Remus came out from the kitchen with a tray of tea.

Remus didn’t even look up at them as he set the tray down with a thud then he left the living room again, going towards the hall. He was walking stiff and straight as if he was tense.

“Thanks, Rem. This is—ah…” Sirius trailed off, frowning. After a moment they shook their head, looking back to Reg; they could talk to Remus later, they needed to understand what had happened with Reg first. “He’s—uh—tired, from the flight, you know…”

“...Right.” Regulus furrowed his brow. “Um, well, I argued with them because I couldn’t stand the thought of being married off.”

“Right.” Sirius had managed to leave before that happened to them, but they could imagine what it would be like to have Walburga and Orion trying to strong-arm them into something. “I’m glad you left,” Sirius said again, glancing down the hall towards the bedroom for a moment.

“Me too. Fuck. What am I going to do? I can’t believe I did this.” Regulus put his head in his hands and leaned forward.

Sirius patted his shoulder then winced immediately. Fuck, they shouldn’t have patted his shoulder, that was such a fucking weird thing to do. “I can’t either… you had to get out though, before they forced you into something. We’ll figure it out. We’ll find you a job and some place to stay.” Sirius had no bloody idea how or when they would do that but they felt like they needed to at least pretend to be vaguely in control of the situation. Wasn’t that what older siblings did?

“I know, it’s just, it’s not… I never thought I would be able to do it.” Regulus lifted his head up.

Sirius smiled a little sadly. “I thought that too, a long time ago but now I’m out of there and everything is good.” They bit their lip. “You need a hug, kid?”

Regulus laughed. “A hug?”

“Listen I thought I’d offer.” Sirius laughed, smiling. “I heard some siblings are doing it these days.”

“How can you even stand me? I never tried to reach out until I needed you.”

Sirius shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m in shock a bit I guess. I’ll be mad tomorrow?” Sirius picked at the hem of their shirt. “You were still my brother, Reggie, you were just stuck in that fucking horrific environment and I know that has to take a toll…” Sirius felt like they didn’t recognise their own voice. “I don’t know, honestly. Would you rather I kicked you back out the door?”

“No, no… I’m, I’m sorry, Sirius.” Regulus sighed. “Your boyfriend might kick me back out though.”

“I’ll talk to him. He’ll come round.”

Regulus nodded looking at the edge of the blanket. “This is a good blanket.”

Sirius shoved at his knee, scoffing. “Don’t be fucking weird. It’s a blanket, kid. I’m gonna go find you a spare pillow or something. You’ll have to sleep on the sofa.”

“That’s fine.” Regulus nodded. “It’s comfortable enough.”

“Yeah.” Sirius stood up, skirting around to the cupboard by the front door. They were sure they had extra bedding here somewhere. “Want to pour that tea?” Sirius said over their shoulder, catching themselves and thinking on how fucking weird this all was. It honestly wouldn’t surprise them if they ended up crying it all out in the shower tomorrow morning when it all sank in. What the fuck, really?

When Sirius returned to the sofa, the tea was poured and Regulus was sipping his. “I realized I don’t know how you take it.”

That only made everything feel even weirder. Were they even siblings anymore? Sirius had said the Blacks weren’t their family when they were talking to Remus… hadn’t even mentioned Regulus—Shit. They set the pillow on the arm of the sofa and skirted around to sit at the other end. Biting their lip, Sirius added milk to their tea and took a drink, ignoring how it burned the roof of their mouth a little.

“Ah, when’d you say you moved in with… what’s your boyfriend’s name? Rem?”

“Remus.” Fuck. “I moved in about a month ago. We’ve been dating for about six months…”

“Oh, wow, that’s great. Ah, you’re both happy I take it?” Regulus held his mug tight in his hands.

“Yeah, really happy. Yeah.” Sirius gulped at their tea again.

“That’s great, Sirius.” Regulus smiled at them. “Er…”

Sirius scraped a hand through their hair again. “Yeah. I, er—I’m exhausted, Reg. Will you be alright, if I go?” They gestured weakly towards the bedroom.

“That’s fine, I’m fucking tired too.” Reg sat back.

“Bathroom’s down the hall. TV remote if you want—“ Sirius gestured to that too— “and er… oh fuck do you want something to sleep in?”

“No, I got some things. I managed to forget my fucking coat.” Regulus scoffed.

“Idiot.” Sirius stood, stretching to crack their back before they picked up their tea. “Okay. Night, Reggie.”

“Good night.” Regulus nodded then took another sip of his tea.

Sirius hurried around the sofa, seeing their luggage still abandoned by the door, and diverted to grab it. They went to the bedroom, knocking on the shut door. “Only me,” they said softly before slipping through, shutting the door behind them with a weary sigh.

On the bed, he found Remus in sweatpants and an old shirt with a joint pinched between his fingers.

“Hey…” Sirius breathed, rubbing their hands over their face. “Getting started without me.”

Remus glared at them before taking a drag.

“Okay, sure.” Sirius slumped against the door. “Christ, Remus, what? I’m too tired to puzzle it out. What have I done?”


	2. Chapter 2

The person sitting on their doorstep was called Regulus. Regulus, like the star. Kind of like Sirius. Remus knew the resemblance was too good for them not to be siblings. Sirius didn’t even bother to say anything to him about this person, who they were clearly worried for showing up on their doorstep. They just bustled in helping them, leaving Remus staring at the doorway in the hall.

Remus quietly got their bags, including Regulus’, and went into the flat. He dropped the bags in the hall before going into the kitchen. He went about making some tea to busy himself, and Regulus did seem cold. It wasn’t his fault that Sirius had lied to Remus again. They decided not to tell Remus something, once again. Something that was important, they had a brother! This was why Remus wanted to talk about family.

To make it all worse, Sirius offered Regulus to stay with them on the sofa without even bothering to ask or mention Remus. He slammed his fist down on the counter, trying to stay quiet as he listened to their conversation. This wasn’t how you went about relationships, right? Remus wasn’t being too touchy, was he? He had every right to be angry at this… god, he needed to talk to Alice about it. Remus need some more advice.

Doing his best to keep a neutral expression, Remus dropped the tea in the living room then made it right for their bedroom. He couldn’t believe not that long ago Remus was thinking about marrying Sirius! This was all just fucking  _ bad _ , he decided as he got changed into sweats. Nothing seemed to be making sense to him. He wanted to scream, but he just clenched his jaw and crawled into bed.

After a few deep breaths, he reached for the small box by the bed and went to rolling a joint. If there was a time for one, it was now. He lost himself in the process for a moment, attempting to forget and pretend that he was still as happy as he was only a half hour ago. Just as he took his first drag, Sirius came in the room

“Hey… Getting started without me.”

Remus couldn’t do anything but glare at Sirius. He was so afraid to speak and open it up.

“Okay, sure. Christ, Remus, what? I’m too tired to puzzle it out. What have I done?”

“So,” He said, trying his best to stay calm. “You have a brother — a biological one.”

Sirius stayed by the door, watching Remus now. “Yeah. We haven’t spoken in 12 years.”

“I asked you about your family and you blew it off. Jesus, you could have at least told me you had a brother. When was the last time you talked to him?” Remus took another hit, watching Sirius carefully. He would have felt bad for how tired they looked, but he didn’t have much sympathy at the moment.

“I said, we haven’t spoken in twelve years…” Sirius sighed, glancing up to the ceiling. “He text me a week ago, asking some bullshit questions. I didn’t know he was going to turn up on our fucking doorstep, Remus, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“You could have told me! Sirius, we tell each other stuff. God, you don’t get to be closed off if I can’t be.” Remus spoke sharply.

“I don’t  _ want _ to be closed off, Remus.” Sirius finally stepped into the room, throwing their bag down and starting to haphazardly unpack everything. “It ever occur to you I might find it  _ hard _ to talk about it?”

“Oh… fuck you, of course I’ve thought about it. I’ve thought and thought and thought about the shit you’ve probably gone through as a kid and how fucking bad it must had been for you and it killed me. You never wanted to talk and I… you know, it felt a bit like you didn’t trust me with it. Like, I could tell you my shit, but you get to keep yours.” Remus waved a hand around.

“I don’t  _ get _ to keep it. I don’t  _ want _ it.” Their tone was sharp and clipped and Remus thought they were probably trying to keep their voice down. “I want to tell you but I’ve never told  _ anyone _ . Not even James and I’ve known him since I was eleven. I trust you, I just can’t get the fucking words out.” Sirius threw a handful of clothes into the hamper, huffing a sigh. “Surely you get that, don’t you?”

Remus shook his head. “I get that, Sirius, but…” Remus didn’t know how to add on to the sentence. “You could have at least told me you had a brother or that he contacted you the other week. You also could have, I don’t know, introduced me or even asked me if it was okay he could stay with us?”

“Yeah, I could’ve. Probably should’ve too, but I didn’t.” Sirius pulled off their shirt and shrugged on an old Ascendence one. “Can we just—just not fucking do this tonight, Remus?”

“Sure, yeah, let’s just never talk about it and Regulus can live on the sofa for a year without us speaking about it.” Remus took another drag.

“Oh don’t be a fucking  _ child _ ,” Sirius spat.

“I’m not being a child, Sirius.” Remus was trying so hard not to raise his voice. “I’m just fucking angry and you’re avoiding the biggest fucking elephant in the room.”

“Okay, right. Sirius made another mistake, so let’s hang it over their head.” Sirius threw one hand up. “Yep, that’s fine. Remus’ feelings are the most important thing here.”

“Sirius! You know that’s not what I’m doing. That’s not fair—”

“None of this is fucking  _ fair _ , Remus!” Sirius shouted that time. “Don’t be so fucking naive.”

Remus sat forward, furrowing his brow. “How am I being naive?”

“Things aren’t  _ fair _ , that’s not how it works, none of this is fair. Clearly life is just here to fuck us over when we think things are going well. It’s not  _ fair. _ ” 

“I was just trying to say it’s not fair to say to me that I’m hanging something over your head! That’s not fucking fair. We had that argument and it was terrible and I fucked up and told you I did and we talked it out. So that’s not fucking fair.” Remus put the joint in the ashtray on the nightstand.

“But that’s what you’re thinking. Sirius didn’t tell me this thing,  _ again _ .”

“You know what, yeah, I did think that. I apologize that I did and that isn’t fair, but we need to talk.” Remus clenched the bedspread in his hands.

“Talk, right, okay.” Sirius gave a hollow laugh. “Okay. Roll me another joint and get me a bottle of something and if I drink enough I might be able to _talk_ about my biological family for a moment before I pass out. Yeah?” They gave Remus an expectant look, still haphazardly and angrily unpacking.

Remus wanted to stay angry, and yes he still was, but he felt himself soften a bit. “Sirius, I won’t force you to talk about that, okay?”

“No. You want to hear, we need to  _ talk _ , clearly.” Sirius glared at him, standing up and dragging their bag out of the way. “Don’t give me your fucking  _ I won’t force you _ when you’re shouting. That’s clearly the issue, you don’t think I trust you, you think I’m keeping secrets, so fine, let’s  _ talk _ .”

“Just…” Remus shook his head feeling sick to his stomach. He really did want to know and he did want to hear it but not like this. “Just tell me about Regulus.”

“I don’t know what to say to that,” Sirius said flatly.

Remus looked at his nails, trying to figure out how to make this all better. “How can I… what can I do to fix this?”

Sirius looked at him for what felt like an eternity before they shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know.”

Remus put his hands over his face, feeling like he wanted to cry. “Sirius…”

“I don’t know, Remus,” Sirius repeated, their voice cracking a little. 

“I don’t want to do this.” Remus shook his head and sniffled.

Sirius bit their lip. “Do you want me to go? Sleep on the… sofa, or something.”

“No, don’t, please don’t.” Remus dropped his hands.

Sirius was stood in front of the door, looking a little lost in their big t-shirt, their eyes red. “Okay.”

Remus nodded, getting under the covers. “We’ll… we’ll figure it out, okay?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said softly, crossing over the bedroom to sit on the very edge of the bed, looking back towards the door to the living room.

“If you… if it’s better for you to be out there, that’s fine. I — I don’t want you to, but…”

Sirius shook their head. “I don’t know how the fuck to be an older brother. That’s what Reg needs.” They sighed, staying faced away from Remus as they slipped their legs under the covers and curled up on their side.

Remus wanted to reach out and wrapped his arms around them. “Well, you’re not an older brother, Sirius, you’re an older sibling. Just… I don’t know, I’m an only child. I guess, just be there for him.”

Sirius didn’t answer.

“I love you, good night.” Remus whispered, wishing they could start the day over again.


	3. Chapter 3

“Remus?”

Sirius knocked on the bathroom door, pausing only a moment before opening it and finding the room empty. Shit. Well the plus side of living in a small flat meant Sirius knew Remus wasn’t in the flat somewhere, but that meant Sirius didn’t  _ know _ where Remus was. It was still early, really, really early for Remus, and they both had today off. Scrubbing a hand through their head, Sirius padded down the hallway to the living room.

Regulus was on the sofa, the blanket folded up over the back of it again. “Er, he left like an hour ago.”

“Did he?” Sirius blinked a few times before huffing a breath. “Shit.” Not quite knowing what else to do, Sirius turned towards the kitchen. Coffee was probably a good idea.

“Yeah, he told me to make coffee if I wanted then left.” Regulus scratched his ear, following them.

Huh, Remus spoke to him. That was more than Sirius expected, they reckoned. “Did you—” Sirius cleared their throat— “Did you sleep okay?”

Regulus looked at them then wrinkled his nose. “Ah, yeah, after… are you okay? I feel like I’ve really fucked this up for you.”

Sirius shrugged again, they were doing that a lot right now. “I dunno. It’s fine. He’s mad I didn’t mention you—obviously, you heard… Not like I can go back in time now and say something, eh?”

“Right,” Reg said softly. “I’m sorry, it sounded… not great.”

“Sorry you heard,” Sirius retorted, pouring coffee into the biggest mug from the cupboard. They hadn’t slept a wink last night.

“It’s not your fault, or Remus’.”

“Coffee?” Sirius said after a moment of silence that went on just a little too long.

“Please.” Regulus nodded.

Sirius clattered around for a moment getting another mug and pouring Reg a cup. They set it down, pausing with their hand still around it. “I dunno how you take it… We don’t know a fucking thing about each other, do we?”

“No, we don’t. I take it… black.” He snickered.

“... Of course you do,” Sirius said, snickering too despite of everything, maybe  _ because _ of everything. “Of course you fucking do. Of course I do. God, Jesus fuck…”

“Sirius… are you all right?” He was still laughing as well.

Sirius shook their head, still laughing but it was a little weaker now. “No, no I’m fucking not. What the fuck, honestly. What the fuck.”

“Oh god, I don’t know. Fuck.” Regulus stopped laughing. “They really did a number on us. God, I don’t know how to be a real person and you’re… you were happy and yet I turn up and it goes to hell.”

“That’s not your fault.” Sirius glanced sideways at Regulus, surprised still by how similar they looked in so many ways. They were so fucking similar they got away with being twins when they were kids. That had changed. “It’s their fault, for fucking this all up. For… looming over us like this, like fucking…  _ black clouds _ I don’t know. Fuck them.”

“I know. I do. Ugh.” Regulus groaned and put his head on the counter. “I’m 26 and now living on my brother and his boyfriend’s sofa.”

Sirius cringed, their fingers tightening around their coffee mug. Regulus didn’t  _ know _ . Regulus hadn’t seen Sirius in over a decade, he didn’t know. “Sibling,” they said, so softly they weren’t even sure if  _ they _ heard it.

“Hmm?” Reg picked his head up, looking concerned.

“Sibling,” Sirius repeated a little firmer, staring into their coffee. “I’m… genderfluid. So—” they cleared their throat. They’d corrected hundreds of people on their pronouns but it had never been this hard— “so sibling, and  _ they _ , not he.”

“Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t… I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. You didn’t know.” Sirius tore their gaze from their coffee to give Regulus a tight smile. It probably looked forced but they didn’t have the energy to make it look genuine. “It’s okay.”

“Okay, erm, I’ll, okay… my sibling and their… partner?” Regulus tried.

Sirius laughed a little. “Remus is my boyfriend. He’s  _ he _ and everything like that.” At least, Sirius  _ hoped _ Remus was still their boyfriend.

“Oh, right… but you’d be his partner?”

“Yeah. There are loads of gender-neutral terms but most of them make me want to heave, honestly.” Sirius wished they’d never corrected Reg. He looked so bewildered Sirius thought it might just be worth it to cringe for a while.

“I know nothing about this. I’m sorry, really. I’m…” Regulus shook his head. “What are the other terms?”

“Don’t apologise. You didn’t know.” Sirius took another gulp of their coffee, leaning against the table. “They’re shit, honestly. _Datemate_. _Bothfriend._ _Loveperson_. One of the actual suggestions for your serious long-term partner was Cuddle Buddy, Regulus.” Sirius waved a hand around vaguely. “What the fuck.”

“Oh my god, yeah, I’m glad you went with partner.” Regulus bit his lip. “I know shit about the LGBT community. I’m a shitty gay.”

Sirius softened a little, frowning. “You’re not a shitty gay, you grew up surrounded by bigots.” Sirius figured if this coffee mug was the size of a lake they might have enough caffeine for this. “When did you… figure it out?”

“I mean, I’ve always known, I just… I was really afraid of it, right?” Regulus shrugged. “The other year I met someone and we… we saw each other a lot and I thought I was in love but it was too hard to lie about him.” He shook his head. “I tried really hard, but we broke up and then they wanted to marry me off…”

“Shit, kid…” Sirius rubbed a hand over their face. “I’m sorry. That’s really shit. I get that, feeling… scared of it.”

“Now I get to learn everything that I feel like I should have ages ago in my mid-twenties.”

Sirius managed a weak smile. “I’ll take you to Pride.”

“Oh, yeah, that’d be great.” Regulus nodded in agreement.

“Yeah.” Sirius drained their coffee. “You want a shower, or anything? I don’t… I’m off work until tomorrow. We can… I dunno, look for jobs, or something.”

Regulus took a sip of his coffee. “Yeah, I’ll shower then we can figure it out.”

“Okay.” Sirius stood up, slipping past Reg to go and find him a spare towel. They got halfway across the room when the buzzer sounded. With a small frown—it was  _ early _ for a delivery—Sirius crossed over and picked up the receiver. 

“This is why I need a fucking key!” came James’ voice from the intercom, all tinny and fuzzy. “Let me up.”

“What the fuck?” Sirius felt like they were a broken record today.

“Don’t  _ what the fuck  _ me, Sirius, I know what that means. Let me up. I know Reg is there, I’m here to help and I’ll keep buzzing the buzzer ‘til you let me up.” 

With a weary sigh, Sirius leaned on the buzzer, listening to James burst through the door at street level, clatter his way up the stairs and knock on the flat door.

“This is why I need a key,” he said as Sirius opened the front door. “Christ you look like shit.”

“Thanks, bro. Lovely,” Sirius deadpanned, letting the door swing open so James could step in and shut it behind him.

Regulus came out into the living room, looking at them both with wide eyes.

“So you two talked,” Sirius said to both of them as James shrugged off his coat.

“Reg said he wanted to talk to you, I said you’d get back yesterday. I didn’t know he was going to run away,” James said, somehow managing to sound quite jovial with such a serious subject matter. He paused and looked at Reg. “I would’ve offered to help somehow if you’d told me that.”

“I… it’s been so long… I didn’t think…” Regulus trailed off.

“It is what it is.” Sirius leaned against the back of the sofa, wishing they had more coffee.

“Wait… if I didn’t tell you I was here, how’d you know?” Regulus asked James.

James scrubbed a hand through his hair and shifted his weight from foot to foot. “I, er, saw Remus and Alice at the breakfast place near my work. I think Alice teaches classes near there in the morning and—er, yeah. Remus said.”

Sirius nearly dropped their mug. “You saw him? What did he say?”  _ Did he look like shit? Had he slept as badly as Sirius did?  _ He and Alice were probably discussing all the ways SIrius had fucked it up yet again by not telling Remus things.

James sighed. “Just that Reg was here with you. Didn’t say much really… So then I came right here, thank god I’ve no meetings until after lunch.”

“Yeah…” Sirius glanced to Regulus, who was hovering like he didn’t quite know what to do with himself. Sirius didn’t know either.

Luckily, James seemed to take charge, clapping his hands. “Okay, more coffee, and I’ll make toast, then we sit down and figure out what the hell to do next.”


	4. Chapter 4

After tossing and turning most of the night, Remus gave in at about four in the morning and grabbed his phone from the window ledge. He asked Alice to breakfast, hoping she’d have sometime before she taught her usual Friday morning class. Thankfully she texted back an hour later saying she could do breakfast and he needed to be there by 7 for it to work. So, he got out of bed after checking to see if Sirius was really sleeping and quietly grabbed some fresh clothes and went to shower.

Remus was beat mentally and physically exhausted. He just wanted to fix it, but Sirius had been so hurt last night, it didn’t seem like it was going to happen. They didn’t even want to talk, and Remus had pressed them and they snapped. Sure, he wanted to know about Sirius’ past, but he also hated the idea of Sirius being so uncomfortable.

On his way out the door, Remus stopped short on his way towards the door to find Regulus on the sofa, scrolling through his phone. He hated that he had probably heard the whole argument. What great first impressions they were both making with one another. Remus curtly told him he could make some coffee before hustling out the door to make it in time to the breakfast place across town. He wanted to just stay in bed and talk to Sirius all day, but he knew that wasn’t going to happen.

When he got to the restaurant, Remus had actually managed to beat Alice there. That was a first, the woman was always early to everything. But Remus realized that he was a half hour early. He must have gotten ready so fast, he didn’t realize it. He ordered coffee and looked over the menu while he waited for Alice.

“Oh god, what happened?” Alice startled him when she sat down across from him in the booth. “You’re never up the early unless if it has to do with a climb or something.”

Remus shook his head. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Did the trip not go well, sweetie?”

“No! No, the trip was amazing.” Remus took a sip of his coffee, which he already needed a refill on. “It was so good, I almost asked them to marry me.”

Alice looked shocked. “You didn’t.”

“No, I didn’t and I’m glad for it because when we got home last night, their brother was on our doorstep.”

“...I’m assuming this isn’t James,” Alice said as they were interrupted by the server. They both placed their orders before she turned back to Remus with a concerned look. “You’re saying they have a brother?”

“Yeah! Who they had got a text from a week back or whatever.” Remus took a deep breath. “They didn’t mention it. They hadn’t spoken in twelve years and they didn’t mention it. I felt like Sirius didn’t trust me… and… I… I hate that because I know they do. We had an argument after Sirius came into the room last night after getting their brother settled.”

“Oh, Moony.” Alice frowned. “What happened?”

“I sort of was snappy at first because I was so angry, you know?”

She nodded. “That’s understandable.”

“Not only do they have a brother, but they invited him to stay on the sofa without even asking me. They didn’t even introduce me to him.” Remus swallowed hard. “And we argued because I was being a bit of a bastard, really, but I was pissed.”

“I’m sure you were.”

“They didn’t even want to talk about any of it and I got even more annoyed and Sirius sort of got all snappy too. They got so mad because they don’t want to talk about their biological family and I… they said they do, really, but it’s so hard. I felt like an arsehole, but we need to talk.”

“Mmm, there should be some kind of communication, yeah,” she agreed with Remus. “I’m sure it’s not great, whatever it is, for Sirius. It must be hard.”

“I know, and it’s killing me because they’re hurt.”

“Did you tell them that?” Alice asked him softly.

“Yeah, I did.”

“They might just need sometime. I’m sure that they’re brother coming back isn’t easy. As stressed as you’re feeling right now, I’m sure that whatever they’re feeling is a million times more intense.” Alice paused. “So, you went to bed angry? I’m assuming you didn’t talk this morning?”

Remus nodded, remembering the night before. “Yeah, we went to bed pissed off with each other. They were going to sleep on the sofa but I told them to stay and they did.”

“That’s good, Moony. What about this morning?”

“No, Al, we didn’t talk. I left to get here to see you. I just don’t want to fuck this up again. I feel like I already did.” Remus shook his head.

“Remus and Alice!?” James came sliding in front of the table.

Of fucking course James was there… “Ah, hey, James.”

“How are you both?” James looked at his watch. “It’s early for you freelance types isn’t it?” He grinned, teasing with his usual joke.

“I have an early class today.” Alice chuckled with an eyeroll. “It’s early for Moony though, eh?”

Remus heaved a sigh. “So, did you know Sirius had another brother, or was I just left out of that one?”

“Er—” James’ face fell. “They…  _ shit _ , they didn’t tell you?”

Remus shook his head. “No, we found him on the doorstep last night when we got in.”

“Fucking hell that whole family is so dramatic, couldn’t he have just phoned Sirius? Christ’s sake…” James glanced about as if he was looking for a chair to pull up to their table. Remus hoped he wouldn’t. 

“So, yeah…” Remus nodded, unsure of what to do or say again.

“What Moony is trying to say is it’s all gone to shit and Sirius seemed just as surprised to see his brother on the doorstep. Sirius invited him to stay on their sofa, it seems… he’s—” Alice looked to Remus for confirmation— “he’s run away, I guess?”

Remus nodded. “Yeah and Sirius didn’t even talk to me about it.”

“Christ.” James looked between them and ran a hand through his hair again, then shifted his coffee to that hand and ran the  _ other _ through his hair. “Okay. Listen, that family fucks up everyone who comes anywhere near them so it’s—Sirius probably isn’t  _ thinking _ right now, you know? I’ll go and see them, see what I can do… I—” James looked at his watch, then his phone, then back to Remus— “Give them some slack, eh?”

As much as Remus wanted to to give Sirius slack, it wasn’t that easy. “James, they never said a thing about the Blacks to me outside of they’re shitty. Then last night… look, I’m feeling a bit out of slack. I love them, but we’re supposed to talk, aren’t we?”

James nodded curtly. “Yeah, believe me, I know. Let me talk to them? I’m sorry they didn’t tell you, that’s bang out of order… It’s also a very Sirius thing.”

“I know.” Remus looked down at his coffee. “I’ll let you talk to them. I’ll figure out something to do for a little while after breakfast.”

“Okay. I’ll… text you?” 

“That works, sure.” Remus agreed with James. He wanted to crawl into their bed and sleep, but he also couldn’t be home just yet.

James nodded. “Good to see you both, sorry about the circumstances though... “ James waved half-heartedly to them both before bustling off back through the cafe.

“Yeah, see you, James.” Remus watched him walk away as their food came out. “This is all so fucked up, Alice. Jesus, what on earth did the Blacks do to them both?”

Alice puffed out her cheeks. “I don’t know if I want to know, honestly.”

“Ever since they told me months ago that they’re shit, I keep making up all these terrible things they did. I just want Sirius to talk about it, and I’m sure it’s so hard, but I want to be able to be there.” Remus looked down at his omelette, unsure if he could even stomach it at the moment.

“I know…” Alice jabbed at the yolk of her poached egg. After a moment she shook her head. “Not the time for humour but god, Frankie doesn’t speak to his dad after he left him and Arlene, and I thought  _ that _ was a bad family to be a part of but this seems…” She waved her fork about for a moment, sighing.

“The way that Sirius holds onto the secret, it’s so scary. I know whatever it is, it won’t affect our relationship, but I want to know because I want to be able to be there for them, you know?” Remus finally took a bite of his food.

“Yeah, for sure. Sometimes not knowing is worse…” Alice ate a forkful of eggs. “I—I don’t know that I can suggest how to help, really. Just hope that they feel comfortable enough to talk? Or at least tell you the important bits? I can’t imagine not wanting to talk about something so much that you lock it away like that…”

“It must be horrible.” Remus frowned, hating the idea of Sirius hurting so much. “You should have seen how upset they got when I asked them to talk about their family last night.”

Alice sighed heavily. “I can imagine. But I agree, you need to talk about some things.”

“So, I wasn’t be unreasonable for asking, right? And for being upset they didn’t ask me about Regulus staying with us, right?”

“It’s hard when you’re feeling angry and emotional. I don’t know that it was the best place to  _ ask _ them to talk, but yeah, you need to talk.” Alice sipped her coffee. “And no, them inviting him—Regulus?—to stay without talking to you first is inconsiderate.”

That made him feel somewhat better. He knew asking them last night probably wasn’t the best, but he couldn’t change it. They needed to talk. Hopefully James could help smooth things over a bit.


	5. Chapter 5

Sirius stared at the menu of the cafe they were in, trying to decide what was least likely to make them throw up. James sat next to them, nattering away, and Regulus sat opposite, with a look that Sirius was sure was on their own face too. It was so jarring to see him again.

After James had arrived that morning, he had ushered them into action, pushing Sirius into the shower where they’d stood and stared blankly for a while before stumbling to the bedroom and getting dressed in the first things they could find. Remus had gone out and left without saying a thing. Would he come back? Sirius supposed he would have to, eventually, but they didn’t know what to say to him. They shouldn’t have kept Regulus a secret, they knew that, but it wasn’t like they  _ wanted _ to. Sirius had spent the latter half of their teenage years worried sick for Reggie being in that house and it felt like the only way to survive was to forget about him. It felt so hard to try and unearth that all again.

Sirius didn’t even know where to start, frankly. Their brain wasn’t working right now. They wanted to go home and sleep for days but they couldn’t do that.

“The barbeque chicken wrap looks nice,” James said, setting his menu down with an air of finality.

“Yeah.” Sirius blinked at the menu, picking the first thing their eyes landed on. “I’ll get the avocado and chicken one.” They glanced back up to Regulus, struck with the thought that maybe Reg hadn’t ever been to a place like this… There were no tablecloths and the cutlery was in an old tin at the end of the table. Was that judgemental of them? Sirius had no clue. They didn’t know what Reggie did day to day, or what he _ used _ to do.

“I’ll do the veggie wrap. But no tomatoes, please.” Regulus looked up to the waiter.

“Are you veggie?” Sirius asked, surprised.

James smiled at the waiter. “And some water please, mate? Cheers.”

“Thank you.” Regulus nodded then looked to Sirius. “The food looks good here.”

“It is! It’s great!” James said, far more enthusiastically than Sirius thought they could ever muster.

Sirius caught themselves staring at Reggie, realising more and more they knew  _ nothing _ about him. They might look similar in many ways, but they were so different. Before lunch they had gone by PureFit to enquire about a job. James had text Marlene who had text Dorcas, who said there was an opening for a reception job, or something, all, luckily, without disclosing  _ who _ the job was for. Sirius didn’t quite follow the conversation anyway, they’d been too preoccupied looking through the window into the climbing area to see if Remus was there. They’d heard a bit of the conversation and realised they didn’t even know if Reggie had gone to University.

“Do you lot come here often?”

James gave Sirius a pointed look. Sirius swallowed. “Yeah, er—fairly often, right James? This isn’t far from where Remus and Dorky work—well, obviously, we just—just came from there.” Sirius bit their lip. “The food’s good.”

“Yeah, er, that’s good. If I get the job, then I could come here, I guess for lunch or whatever.” Reg gave a tight smile.

“Yeah, that would be good.” Sirius slumped in their seat a little, sighing. “Sorry, I just—I don’t know. My brain’s not on right, I’m sorry.”

“I understand, yeah. Me too.” Regulus leaned back in his seat. “I mean, we have twelve years missing and I… where the hell do we start?”

Sirius nodded blithely. The waiter came over and set down a water jug with a few glasses before trotting off again. 

“Well,” James tried, gallant as ever. “Sirius runs a dance studio with some friends of ours. We could swing by, later, if you want, eh?” James nudged Sirius’ knee.

Sirius looked at James, then Regulus. That was a start. They almost wanted to make a list of everything that was important and just cross off the items one by one with Regulus. That would repair twelve years of missing time, wouldn’t it? They supposed they had to start somewhere. “Sure.”

They ate brunch and James chatted enough for all three of them, and Sirius followed their brothers, both of them, blood and spirit, out of the cafe to wait for the bus across town to Ascendence. Sirius tapped their card on the reader twice when Regulus sort of just stood there and looked a bit bewildered, before dragging him to a seat. James sat in front of them and turned in his seat like he was guarding two unruly children, or untrained dogs.

“I’ve never been to Godric’s. It’s a neat little city, huh?” Regulus said as he looked out the window.

Sirius nodded. “Yeah. I like it here.” They bit their lip, looking at Reg again.

“Wouldn’t dream of living anywhere else, eh?” James said, smiling.

“What do you all do around here?” Regulus looked to Sirius. “When you’re not working.”

That question stumped Sirius for a moment. “I—er, I guess I work a lot? But we… we go for dinner and drinks. When there’s shows on at the theatre we’ll go or… I dunno, just, hang out?” 

James nodded reassuringly. “Sirius is trying to say they work all the damn time and occasionally we’ll drag them and Remus out of their flat to go get food somewhere. Every weekend someone is usually doing  _ something _ , Frank and Alice and the Trio dancing, a show Lil’s worked on, you or Marly at a comp. Footy matches with Pete, Mare sitting you down for a palm reading, or Dorky training or Remus climbing, right?”

“Wow, sounds… busy but nice. I always had to get stuck at dinners or doing boring work.” Regulus made a face. “It was so fucking boring.”

“I bet.” Sirius felt like they really had escaped as the lucky one. They managed to get out whilst they were young, before they’d been dragged into everything, not like Reg had. 

“No boring dinners with us, Reg,” James interjected. “Last time we got our drinks free because Mare read the waiter’s fortune and clearly said something nice to them.”

“Really? Damn, I need to meet her.” Regulus laughed.

Sirius smiled. “Yeah, she’s great. They’re all great.” 

Regulus nodded again then looked out the window.

James looked between the two brothers, catching Sirius’ eye. He smiled reassuringly but Sirius could see the look in his eyes. It was awkward, this was hard. Sirius didn’t know where to start. They looked out of the window, only a stop or two from Ascendence. Just as Sirius glanced out of the window, the bus went past a familiar place. The fairy-light strung courtyard of the cafe from theirs and Remus’ first date looked different in the afternoon light but it was still similar enough to make Sirius’ stomach drop. 

Sirius shifted in their seat, glancing at their phone. Nothing from Remus. Not that they expected there to be? Sirius didn’t know what to say to him, how to start a conversation, how to admit that they shouldn’t have just brought Reggie into the flat but they couldn’t think properly last night. Sirius shook their head. “This is our stop.”

James stood, pressing the button and leading the way down the aisle. Sirius slid out of their seat, standing aside to let Regulus follow James. It hurt to look at him, almost, seeing someone they should know better than anyone but they knew nothing about him. Sirius felt like they should see themselves when they looked at Reg, but they didn’t.

“This is it?” Regulus pointed to the studio as James went for the door.

Sirius nodded, following them both in. They could already see Marlene and Benjy stood at the reception desk. Sirius felt like they wanted to just run the fuck away, back to their old flat and curl up in the bed and pretend none of this was happening.

“Who the fuck is this? Shit, Sirius… are you…” Marlene was looking between Regulus and Sirius with the widest eyes.

“Hey Marly,” Sirius said, looking to James, but James was resolutely looking at the class lists on the wall. He wouldn’t help them out with this one. “This is, er, Regulus, my brother.”

“BROTHER?” Marlene heaved herself up and over the reception desk. “BROTHER? SIRIUS!?”

Regulus was staring at her, looking a bit frightened. He probably should be because Marlene was scary like this.

Sirius stepped forward, deciding to meet Marlene in the middle before she got to Regulus because whatever she did would probably give him a bloody heart attack. “Yeah, ah, it’s complicated. Just… chill a second, will you?”

“I’m sorry, but you have a  _ secret _ brother???” She couldn’t stop staring at Regulus.

“Not  _ secret _ ,” Sirius tried, but actually, that was probably true. Sirius hadn’t told anyone about Reggie. They glanced over their shoulder at him, biting their lip. “It’s  _ complicated _ . We haven’t talked in over ten years, just… he’s not a fucking zoo exhibit Marly will you back off?”

“Oh my god, this is who the job was for, wasn’t it? Shit. Why didn’t you just ask Rem — oh, no, you didn’t tell him, did you?”

Sirius bristled, frowning heavily. “It’s  _ complicated. _ ”

“So you didn’t. Shit. Sirius! I… shit.”

“Yeah.” Sirius sighed, turning to Regulus. “Reggie, this is Marlene. She owns the studio with me. Her girlfriend— _ fiancée _ —Dorcas works at PureFit.”

“Um, nice to meet you.” Regulus nodded, reaching out his hand.

“Yeah, right. You too, I think.” Marlene shook Regulus’ hand. “You’re living here now then?”

“Ah, yeah, it seems so.” Regulus looked to Benjy, who smiled back politely but was definitely  _ not _ getting involved in the conversation.

“Yeah… on our sofa, for now.” Sirius bit their lip, thinking of how they’d just offered that without talking to Remus last night. No wonder he was so angry at Sirius, they never thought about anything.

“Yeah.” Marlene was speechless for probably the first time ever. Sirius didn’t know what to say either.

Thankfully, James, as always, filled the silence. “Well, listen, we should get going, eh? Exhausting day so far, I’d say.”

“Yeah, we’ve a class in a few anyway. We’ll do drinks soon.” Marlene studied Regulus.

“Um, sure.” Regulus scratched his ear.

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow, Marly?” Sirius bit their lip. 

“If you need another day… take it.” Marlene looked away from Regulus finally.

“I… I’ll see, tomorrow morning, and let you know?” Sirius liked work, to distract them, but they had a feeling this would take longer to settle. They needed to talk to Remus, they needed a stiff drink, and to sleep for a week.

Sirius was quiet the whole bus ride back to the flat. Regulus was staring out the window and seemed happy for the quiet too. James was on his phone, probably texting Lily with updates on the day. 

“Right,” James said after a moment. “Reg, why don’t you come with me, you can come see Lily and we can figure out an action plan for what to do next. Lily makes a mean bolognese.”

Regulus glanced at Sirius then nodded. “Sure.”

“Sirius, you can  _ sleep _ , and we can talk when you’re not looking like you’re on another planet, eh?” James put a hand on their shoulder.

“Yeah… okay.” Sirius sighed. Sleep sounded good but they had a feeling it would escape them until they spoke to Remus, until he turned up from wherever he was hiding.

“I’m excited to meet Lily.” Regulus smiled. “Thanks for… for all this. Both of you.”

James frowned for only a split second before he smiled again. “No problem.”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah. You’re my brother. It’s… It’s just what you do.”

“Right, yeah.” Regulus smiled as the bus came to a stop.

“This is you, Sirius.” James nudged them and Sirius nodded again.

“See you later.” 

Sirius was just  _ exhausted _ . They practically stumbled off the bus and round to the flat. Less than twenty four hours ago they were climbing these stairs with Remus, laughing and joking about rolling a joint and getting into bed to recover from the past few days. Sirius rubbed their hands over their face as they trudged up the stairs and leaned their weight on the door as they unlocked it, hands shaking a little. They’d probably had too much coffee. Even coming back to the flat, where they and Remus used to be so happy, hurt.

Sleep, first, and then when Remus came back, they could try to talk and try to patch this up, somehow. Sirius just wanted to curl up with him. They kicked off their trainers in the hallway and made a beeline for the bedroom. Pushing the door to the bedroom open, Sirius looked up from their feet to see Remus on the bed.

Remus sat up immediately, setting aside his phone. “Hey.”

“I—” Sirius blinked, shocked to see him here. It hadn’t occurred to them he would be back already, sitting on the bed, waiting for them, rather than… Sirius didn’t know. They didn’t know what to do. “Hi…”

“I’m sorry I left this morning. I just… I needed to talk to Al and… I’m sorry about that. I didn’t know what to say.”

Sirius felt tears stinging the corners of their eyes. That was ridiculous, they hadn’t even  _ said _ anything yet, but it felt like the weight of it all was finally pressing on them. “It’s okay. I… don’t blame you, getting the hell out of here for—for a while.”

“And I shouldn’t have asked you last night or been so angry about you not saying anything about that…” Remus trailed off. “Look, I love you, and we’ll figure this out.”

Sirius nodded, because they didn’t think they could speak without crying and the tears were already threatening to spill over. In fact, who were they kidding, the tears were already running down their cheeks but Sirius could at least  _ pretend _ they weren’t sobbing. “I’m sorry.”

Remus pushed himself out of bed and crossed the room, wrapping his arms around Sirius as soon as he got close enough.

Usually, Sirius could make attempts at holding themselves together until someone hugged them, and Remus’ hug was no exception. Sirius just sobbed into Remus’ shirt, not even caring that they’d been shouting at each other twelve hours ago, they just needed this, needed him here.

Remus rubbed Sirius’ back and kissed the top of their head. “It’s all right. You’re all right.”


	6. Chapter 6

After spending hours poking around town, trying to distract himself, James finally texted him to go home. He managed to find an open store front for his mam, so he sent her a text about it. Remus left out the fact that he was currently devastated, and had no idea what to do because Sirius had a brother that wasn’t James and never talked about it but now he was there in their flat. He couldn’t deal with having to explain it until after he talked to Sirius about it.

There was some hope in him that James would sort of set the path. Sirius obviously didn’t talk about this all. Whatever happened weighed on them. Remus wanted to make everything better, but he wasn’t sure how to go about doing that at the moment. James had told Remus in the text that Sirius looked exhausted, and he was right because when they walked into the bedroom they had bags under their eyes and looked to just be dragging themselves.

His heart broke all over again when Sirius started to cry. Remus pulled them to the bed after a moment and got them under their blankets. He turned the lights off, except for the fairy lights, and then huddled under the blankets with Sirius. They were both on their sides facing one another and Sirius was still crying, but not sobbing at the moment, so that was probably a good thing.

“All right.” Remus tucked a strand of hair behind Sirius’ ear. “It’s okay, Sirius.”

“It’s  _ not _ .” Sirius sniffed. “I should’ve told you, I should’ve told you everything but I didn’t.”

“I know, but we can fix it from here.” Remus rubbed their arm. “I’m not going anywhere because you didn’t say anything.”

“I thought you’d  _ gone _ , this morning. I shouldn’t have been such a bitch but I… I don’t know what the fuck to think right now.” Sirius worried their bottom lip with their teeth, sniffing again.

Remus frowned, thinking about how it must have made Sirius feel even worse this morning. “I should have said, I’m sorry. I was just so scared to fuck it up again. I didn’t want to say anything else to hurt you.”

“I keep putting my foot in it.”

“Me too.” Remus laughed hollowly. “We’re both just disasters, huh?”

“Yeah.” Sirius closed their eyes, the faint smile slipping from their face. “Fucking disasters.”

“We’ll figure it out.” Remus pressed a kiss to their forehead. “I’m sorry for hurting you last night. I was just so angry.”

“I know. You had a right to be angry… still do. Who the fuck doesn’t tell their boyfriend about their brother, for fuck’s sake.”

“I want to understand why you didn’t tell me. I’m sure you had a good reason. I mean, I can guess.” Remus kept his voice soft.

“It… “ Sirius sighed, rolling onto their front but keeping their head turned towards Remus. “It was  _ easier _ . When I got kicked out, he was fourteen and I was fucking… fucking terrified for him being in that house without me. For years. And then, it eventually got easier to just… not think about him. Not think about it at all and just forget it even happened else I wouldn’t ever get anything done for worrying.”

“I — I’m sorry, Sirius. I…” Remus wanted to say that it couldn’t have been healthy to hold it all in like that but it seemed too much.

“I know that’s fucking stupid and not good for me or whatever but I didn’t know what else to do. And then the people I started hanging out with and became friends with didn’t know about Reg or anything about where I came from, and so it just got easier and easier to ignore it all.”

Remus squeezed Sirius’ arm gently. “Sirius, you’ve never talked to  _ anyone _ about this?”

Sirius shook their head. “James and Lily know. Because they knew me then. I think they’re the only ones who know.” They bit their lip, burying their face in the pillow for a moment.

“But you said last night you never even told James some things.” Remus was trying his best to piece this all together.

“No, I mean, they know about Reg. They know he… he  _ exists _ . I don’t—” Sirius trailed off, frowning a little. “They know about Reg, that’s it.”

“Oh, sorry, I misunderstood.” Remus furrowed his brow. “I guess I asked wrong is what I mean.”

Sirius huffed a humourless little laugh. “No, you can misunderstand, it’s okay. It’s fucking confusing. It’s all... bullshit.”

“Sirius, whatever happened, you should talk to someone. I’m… I’m not even saying me.” Remus rubbed their back.

“I don’t think I know how,” Sirius whispered after a moment.

“I know, I’m sure it’s hard after so long. Can I say something and not offend you? Like, I really don’t want to.”

“Yeah…”

“Maybe you could, I don’t know, try therapy. Maybe it could help you talk about it.” Remus hoped that it didn’t sound pushy.

Sirius nodded, biting their lip. There were tears in their eyes again. “Yeah.”

Remus ran his fingers through Sirius’ hair. “I’m… I’ll listen, whatever you want to tell me, I’m here.”

“It was just… shit. Being brought up around all that bigotry and these people that are meant to love you but they clearly fucking  _ don’t _ because you don’t fit the exact ideals they have of what you’re meant to be and no matter how hard they push you you still don’t fit.” Sirius’ eyes were closed still, their voice all tight.

Remus couldn’t imagine what it was like growing up that way. His mam and dad were both open, and always supportive. They both just rolled with it when he came out to them, they even went to Pride without him once. His mam barely blinked when he told her about Sirius. On top of not being able to imagine it, Remus felt completely helpless because Sirius was so hurt. “That must have been hard… god that’s probably an understatement.”

“It wasn’t so bad at some points. I… so Reg didn’t have to. You know, so Reg didn’t get all their shit.”

“Oh, Sirius.” Remus frowned, imagining Sirius putting themselves in harms way for their brother.

“But they kicked me out.” Sirius let out a long breath. “She found some clothes of mine, and makeup,  _ girls _ clothes. And she  _ knew _ they were mine but she wanted me to say it so she could throw it in my face and I wouldn’t until she told him and he all but forced it out of me and then threw me out with two dresses and some shitty lipstick and that was it.”

Remus felt tears pricking the corners of his eyes thinking about what had happened. Sirius couldn’t even say their parents’ names. “I’m so thankful you had the Potters.”

Sirius’ voice broke as they said, “Me too.”

“At least your brother has you now too.” Remus kissed their temple.

“I don’t know how the fuck to help him.”

“Just be there, I don’t know.” Remus shook his head. “I wish I could offer more than that. I have no idea too…”

“I’m sorry, Remus, I’m so sorry,” Sirius said, tears spilling out of their closed eyes again.

“I understand now, that part, I get it, okay.” Remus wrapped an arm around them.

“It’s… that’s what Reg said, he said they did a fucking number on us and it’s true. I got out a decade before he did and I don’t even know how he’s fucking alive right now, honestly. He said he doesn’t know how the hell to be a real fucking person and I… I’ve just been ignoring everything for  _ years _ and I didn’t tell you either and you’re  _ so _ mad at me. I fucked up.”

“Stop, we both fucked up.” Remus took a deep breath. “Look, the only thing I’m still annoyed about is you not asking or even coming to me about Regulus staying. I get why you did it, but I would have liked you to have at least come to me. The rest of it, I’m starting to understand and I’m not mad at that.”

Sirius opened their eyes, flickering over Remus’ face. “Okay.” They took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay… If you don’t want him to stay we can find somewhere else for him to stay. I just…  _ panicked _ . I kept thinking of him sitting on the street.”

As much as Remus wanted to say,  _ please, let’s ask James or Marlene _ , he knew that it was probably important for Regulus and Sirius to spend time together. Plus, he couldn’t bring himself to be that much of an arsehole to Sirius. “No, it’s… let him stay. We’ll figure it out.”

Sirius’ shoulders slumped like there was a huge weight off them. “Okay… thank you.”

Remus kissed their shoulder. “I’m so tired.”

“Me too.” Sirius’ eyes closed again as they breathed another big sigh.

Before Remus knew it, he was drifting off to sleep. He woke up with a start, and it was dark out, their room only dimly lit by fairy lights. They had so much to take care of and worry about, but at least Sirius talked to him about their family. Remus was sure there was so much he didn’t know still, but that was okay. They talked. They could hopefully figure it out as they went.

Remus could tell Sirius was still out cold, so he got up to get something to drink and make toasties — one for Sirius along with a glass of water for them too. He nearly forgot about Regulus until he got to the living room, where he was sitting on the sofa watching some movie. He was so much like Sirius, with his lip between his teeth looking at Remus in an unsure way that Sirius did when they were rowing.

“Um, hi.” Remus cleared his throat.

“Hi, Remus—” Regulus blinked, scratching his ear before he stood up and skirted around the sofa. “Sorry I… Sirius didn’t introduce us last night?” There was a pause before he stuck his hand out for a handshake.

Remus shook his hand and nodded. “I’m sorry I sort of... er, sort of fucked off last night. It’s nice to meet you, Regulus.”

“You too.” He shoved his hand back in his pocket. “If you… don’t want me to stay, I understand. I can… get a hotel or something.”

_ Please. _ Remus shook his head again. God, he was just getting used to living with Sirius full-time now he had their brother. “No, no… that’s… no, stay.”

Regulus nodded curtly. “Thank you.”

“I was going to make toasties… want one?” Remus offered. This was the most strained thing on the face of the planet.

“Oh. Yes, thank you, please. Ah… would you like some help?”

“Um, no, I got it.” Remus was just being nice, he didn’t think Regulus would take him up on it. “Though, I will warn you Sirius said I don’t do the cheese right.”

Regulus smiled the first real smile he had seen the other man give and he looked  _ so _ much like Sirius. “I never used to do it right either. We used to sneak into the kitchen and make toasties and he always did the cheese.”

Remus frowned, not sure how to respond to the fact that his partner had a brother they used to make toasties with and complain about the same thing they did with Remus. “Right, well… I’ll get to it. They’ll have to deal with the wrong way cheese tonight.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Remus told me about a shop front he’s seen today, dear. Maybe I’ll be up with you sooner than I thought x**

Sirius stared at the text from Hope, unsure of how to answer. They couldn’t exactly say,  _ great, Hope, Remus and I are barely talking right now but we’d both love to see you _ . 

Remus came into the room a moment later, carrying a plate and two glasses of water. He smiled a little when he saw Sirius awake. “Ah, made toasties.”

“Hi… oh, they smell good.” Sirius sat up, pushing their phone away; they could deal with replying to Hope later. “Thank you.”

“Regulus said that you two used to make toasties together too and tell him he did the cheese wrong.” Remus put the plate and waters down on the nightstand then climbed into bed.

“Er… yeah. That was… a long time ago. We used to sneak into the kitchen.” Sirius watched Remus, looking at how tired he was, how dark it was under his eyes. “You two talked?”

“Briefly, we properly introduced ourselves and I offered to make him a toastie.” Remus shrugged, reaching for the water glass after moving the plate between them.

Sirius shifted, picking up one toastie and biting a corner. They felt like they might actually be able to stomach something now, they’d only picked at their lunch with James and Reggie. “I’m sorry I didn’t introduce you.”

Remus only lifted one shoulder as he ate his toastie.

“He’s hopefully going to hear back about a job at PureFit off of Dorcas… so soon he’ll be able to find a place to stay.” Sirius bit their lip, reaching for their water glass and drinking a gulp.

“PureFit?” Remus asked with a furrowed brow. “Oh.”

“Dorky suggested a receptionist job. I don’t know if he has much job experience… I don’t, I don’t know about qualifications or anything. But it will be good for a start.” Sirius had to try and learn more about their brother eventually. It was still such a shock to the system though, they had to give it time.

“Right.” Remus continued to eat his toastie.

Oh god. Sirius didn’t know what else to say. They wanted to talk about Reggie because that was all that was on their mind but it was so clear Remus didn’t want to talk about it. Sirius just wanted to go back in time to Tuscany and all the fun they had there, and stay there forever because it was too good to be true. How were they going to fix this?

“James said you saw Al for breakfast…”

Remus nodded then took a sip of water. “Yeah, forgot he worked over that way.”

Sirius nodded. They were so glad James came over, because they would’ve had  _ no _ clue how to deal with Reggie. James was a brilliant buffer and Sirius was so glad for his presence. “Yeah, with his  _ real  _ job,” Sirius murmured, trying for a well-known joke between the friend group. Only James and Pete had  _ real _ —office—jobs out of all of them.

Remus laughed a little, but it wasn’t his usual laugh. “Sure he was eager to not be there today.”

“Yeah, it’s good he can move his meetings around.” Sirius finished the last bite of their toastie, looking across at Remus. Everything was broken and they didn’t know how to fix it.

Remus ate the rest of his toastie quietly before drinking his glass of water. “Ah, found a storefront that might work for my mam.”

Sirius smiled. “Ah, yeah, she text me, earlier. About it, I mean. Said you’d text her saying you’d seen somewhere.” Sirius bit their lip, they wanted to get out of here.

“It’s down by that old record shop, you know?” Remus vaguely gestured.

“Ah, oh. I got my copy of  _ Pet Sounds _ from there, yeah.”

Remus gave a little frown. “Yeah?”

“Y—Yeah.” Sirius rubbed a hand over their face, thinking of that first night with Pet Sounds on the record player, sitting at Sirius’ old flat, drinking coffee and kissing until two in the morning. That had been  _ so _ good and it felt so, so far away now.

“Ugh, Sirius, this feels so fucked up right now.” Remus flopped back onto the bed.

They pressed their palms over their eyes, sighing shakily. “Yeah. I don’t know how to fix it. I’m sorry, I don’t know what to do. I want you back.”

“I didn’t go anywhere though… I… I don’t know.” Remus stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t understand why it feels like this.”

“It feels like you went somewhere. It feels like you’re very far away and I don’t know how to get to you and even if I  _ could _ just spill my whole life story and get Reg somewhere to live and make it up to you  _ somehow _ then I still don’t feel like I could get to you. I feel like…” Sirius sniffed. “I feel like I lost you.”

“You didn’t lose me, I swear.” Remus reached out to them. “I just, we just have to work on it.”

Sirius nodded, reaching for Remus’ hand, fingers shaking a little. “Work on it, yeah.”

“I promise, Sirius, I’m not giving up. All right? Please.” Remus tugged on their hand a little.

“I want to fix it.” Sirius curled up against Remus’ side, sniffing. “I want to fix it.”

“Me too, so that’s got to count for something.” Remus’ strong arms wrapped around them.

“Yeah. Please.” Sirius pressed closer, their eyes slipping closed as they relished Remus’ arms around them. They had missed this, they wanted his hugs. “I’m sorry.” They kissed his shoulder, leaving their mouth pressed there.

“I know you are and I’m sorry too.” Remus rested his chin on Sirius’ head, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of his head.

Sirius sniffed. “Can I have a kiss?”

“Yeah.” Remus nodded.

“Okay.” Sirius leaned up, pressing a light kiss to Remus’ mouth. For a split second everything seemed okay again.

“I love you,” Remus whispered.

“I love you too.”

A week later, things were better in some ways, and worse in others.

Regulus was sleeping on the sofa still, but he had a job at PureFit now, in the reception, and it seemed to help him in many ways, if only to give him things to do and reasons to get out of the flat.

Sirius was having a hard time adjusting to all of this. Not only had Regulus turned up after twelve years of not speaking, but they were still trying to get used to living with Remus. It would’ve been strange enough, coming home to each other and spending all of their time together, without Regulus on the sofa. Sirius felt like they had had no time at all with Remus since getting back from Tuscany. On one hand, that felt like a blessing because it had been  _ so _ strained between them, but on the other, Sirius was desperate to have time with Remus, to have him back somehow.

Even in the evenings, when they were off work, and Regulus was off work, it was stilted. Regulus didn’t have any friends in Godric’s, so he spent a lot of his time with Sirius and Remus. Sirius was slowly learning more about Reggie, and it was getting less and less stilted between the two of them, but when Remus was around it was like none of them knew what to say.

The next Friday night they had planned to go out with the rest of the Ascendence gang. Sirius was looking forward to going out and having a few drinks with Remus and also having everyone else as a buffer. Sirius got home from their day at work and jumped straight in the shower to get ready. Remus came home a short while later whilst Sirius was standing in the bedroom, trying to figure out what they were in the mood to wear. Regulus was probably with him too, seeing as they worked at the same place now. Sirius had invited Reg along for drinks to try and get him out of the flat some more, they didn’t like the idea of him sitting alone whilst they were out.

“Evening, caro,” Sirius murmured, still looking in the dresser.

“Hi love.” Remus came up behind them and put his hands on their hips. “How was your day?”

Sirius felt like breathing a sigh of relief. “It was okay. Got some spare time between classes to dance for a bit. How was yours?”

“All right.” Remus pressed a kiss to their neck. “Trying to decide what to wear?”

“Mhmm.” Sirius tilted their head a little, pulling out a pair of leggings to wear under their grey tube skirt. Their Christmas gift shirt from Remus was in here somewhere too. Remus sighed, nipping at the juncture of their shoulder. Sirius rubbed their hand over Remus’ arm. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, you?” Remus pulled back.

“Yeah.” Sirius thought they were back to normal for a moment there, but sadly not. Sirius felt like they weren’t close to Remus at all right now. They had only kissed a handful of times since Florence, and even then they were only little pecks. Everything was so stilted. “I’ll get dressed, then we can go.”

“Okay.” Remus pressed a kiss to their cheek then went to sit on the bed.

Sirius shot him a smile, turning to kiss his cheek as well. They watched him for a moment, once again feeling like things might be becoming normal, with Remus sitting on the bed watching them get ready before they went to go out. They pulled on their leggings, grey tube skirt, and their ‘genderfuckyou’ shirt. Next came their favourite heeled boots, with the silver point at the toes. Unhooking their moon and stars necklace from their shirt, Sirius crossed to the bed with their makeup bag. “I’m looking forward to tonight.”

“Me too.” Remus kissed their cheek again. “What should I wear?”

“I like your blue jeans, and that patterned navy shirt?” Sirius paused in their eyeliner.

“Okay.” Remus watched them. “My brogues?”

Sirius smiled. “I love those brogues.”

“I know.” Remus laughed. “Is that skirt new?”

“No? It’s old though, I found it when I moved, at the back of my wardrobe though.” Sirius threw their eyeliner back in their bag, trying to decide on a lipstick. “Do you like it?”

“Yeah, same color as your eyes.” Remus put his hand on Sirius’ leg.

Sirius paused, glancing up at him, their smile softening from fake to genuine. “Hi, my love…”

Remus grinned. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise.” Sirius shifted closer, putting their hand over Remus’. “What lipstick?”

“That’s a dumb question. Like asking if I want something sweet.” Remus chuckled.

“Ha, okay, okay.” Sirius squeezed Remus’ hand. “I don’t think it goes with the outfit, but I’ll wear it, for you.” They let go of his hand, undoing the lipstick and finding their mirror from wherever they’d dropped it.

“Just think of it as making a fashion statement.” Remus nudged them.

Sirius laughed again, nudging him back. “Don’t nudge me, else I’ll get it everywhere.” Sirius put their lipstick on, fairly quickly because they were pretty practised at it, but taking their time just to make sure it was right. They capped it again and threw it back in the bag. “There. What do you think?”

“Gorgeous, as always.” Remus smirked.

Oh. Oh, it had been a while since Sirius had seen that smirk. It still had the same affect, making them squirm a little. “Thank you.” They ran their hands through their hair, deciding to just leave it loose. “Okay, I’m ready, go on, get changed.” Sirius tapped on Remus’ leg. It felt a bit weird to see Remus smirking like that, knowing their little brother was in the next room, and as much as Sirius wanted to crawl into Remus’ lap and sack off going out for drinks, it didn’t feel right.

Remus frowned then pushed himself out of the bed. “Okay, I’ll be a minute.”

Sirius sat back on the bed, watching with a smile as Remus got changed. It felt like they hadn’t seen him properly since Tuscany and that they’d somehow forgotten just how gorgeous he was, like they hadn’t been looking at him properly. But they saw now, and relished Remus just padding about getting changed. He looked gorgeous in his dark jeans and navy patterned shirt, vaguely reminiscent of his outfit for their first date, Sirius realised. He gave his reflection a quick once over before turning to Sirius.

“All right, let’s go.” Remus still wasn’t smiling as he was a few minutes ago.

“Yeah.” Sirius caught his hand, pressed their lips quickly to his knuckles, then leaned in to kiss the corner of his mouth. It had been a while since they’d worn their heels, and it was nice to be perfect kissing height again.

Remus nodded before leading them out the door.

Sirius lingered for a moment, expecting Remus to turn and kiss them properly on the mouth but Remus didn’t. Mutely, Sirius followed him out of the bedroom to where Regulus was sat on the sofa, wearing what Sirius imagined was the best shirt he had with him and black jeans.

Regulus stood up when they came into the room.   
  
Sirius smiled at him. “Alright, kid?” Sirius’ smile faded at the look on Reggie’s face, though. They had seen that expression often enough on so many other people, the expression that said  _ oh, that man is wearing a skirt _ . Sirius swallowed, eyes flickering to the floor. They were used to everyone judging them and being surprised or shocked seeing them be themselves, but for it to be Reggie, that hurt.


	8. Chapter 8

Remus looked between Sirius and Regulus for a moment, unsure of what to do. Regulus was staring a bit at Sirius, looking somewhat confused. Remus recognized the look from other people, one that Remus had practiced ignoring after he told someone off once and Sirius got annoyed by him ( _ Rem, you can’t fight them all _ ). It probably would have been wrong to fight Sirius’ younger brother.

“What is it, Regulus?” Remus asked, taking Sirius’ hand.

God, things were so strained the flat, Remus felt like he couldn’t breathe. Then for a few minutes in the bedroom there, everything felt okay. That was until Sirius avoided his come on, even if it felt like they had been flirting back like they used to do before this all went twisted.

“Er—nothing, nothing. Shall we… go?” Regulus looked away from Sirius, smiling at Remus, then looking back to Sirius again.

“Right,  _ let’s all  _ go.” Remus gritted his teeth before tugging Sirius towards the door.

He couldn’t remember the last time Sirius and he did something on their own. Regulus was  _ always _ there. Even at work, he couldn’t escape Regulus. He wasn’t a bad bloke, but he still didn’t want to see him all the time. Sirius was really the only person Remus could stand all the time… well, usually. Not since Florence, really.

“Yeah,” Sirius said, a little quieter than usual. “We’ll just walk? The bar isn’t far from here, and it’s not so cold.”

Regulus paused, as if he wasn’t sure if the question was directed at him. “Sure? That’s fine…”

Remus didn’t answer because it would have been stupid not to walk. He dropped Sirius’ hand to pull on his coat then led them out the door, not waiting for the siblings. For one night, he just wanted everything to go back to normal. His mam kept talking about coming down, she had been talking to the owner of the storefront and was looking at flats. He wanted to be excited, but now he almost didn’t want her here because she’d see how unhappy Sirius and he were.

Sirius’ footfalls sounded hurried, just behind Remus, and Regulus was keeping up too. 

Remus looked back at them; Sirius was dragging Regulus along with them. He almost chuckled, but it didn’t feel right at the moment. When Sirius and Regulus caught up to him, he realized Sirius was wearing his old leather jacket. Something pulled in his heart at that.

“Shit, you walk fast.” Regulus was basically huffing.

Sirius laughed nervously. “He’s just got long legs. You that desperate for a pint, Rem?”

“Yep, could say that.” Remus’ tone was clipped as the bar came into view.

Regulus gave a half-laugh that sounded just like Sirius’ as they went down the street.They were so alike in some ways, it was mind blowing, really. The Black siblings hadn’t seen each other in years and they were nearly the same person in so many ways.

When they got into the bar, Remus went right for a drink before even looking to see where the others were. He looked next to him to Sirius, peering around for their friends and Regulus looking awkward. “Drink?”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah, please. Vodka cranberry?” They glanced at Regulus. “Kid?”

“Yeah, er…” Regulus scratched his ear. “Red wine, please?”

_ Red wine???? In a dive bar??? _ Remus felt like an arse as he waved down the bartender. “Vodka cranberry, your cheapest whisky on the rocks, and  _ red wine _ …”

The woman behind the bar chuckled. “No wine here, darling.”

Remus looked to Regulus with a pinched brow. “What else?”

There was a moment of silence before Sirius tutted softly, their hand going to Regulus’ arm. “Just a rum and coke then, Rem.” They turned to Regulus. “You’ll like it.”

Remus huffed and looked to the bartender who just nodded as she heard Sirius then went off. “Why don’t you both go find the others and I’ll meet you there?” He took out his wallet.

Sirius looked as if they might say something for a moment before they just nodded, taking Regulus by the arm and leading him through the crowd to go look for Marly, Dorky, Ben and Hestia.

Remus groaned and leaned his head on the bar for a moment. Why couldn’t everything just go back to normal? How on earth was he seconds away from asking Sirius to marrying him about two weeks ago and now everything was just… off?

“Moony!” Marly’s voice made his head snap up. He was actually looking forward to her antics today. She would at least distract him from whatever the fuck was happening. “You all right?”

“I’m — yeah, fine.”

“You look like shit!” Marlene turned to the bloke behind the bar. “Yeah, four snowshoe shots with the 100-proof.”

Remus looked at her as if she had sprouted a few heads. “What the fuck is that?”

“You’ll love it.” She waved a hand as his drinks were set in front of him and he handed over his wallet. “How’s things?”

“Things are fine.” He took a sip of his whisky.

“Dorky says you look at Regulus as if you want to murder him in his sleep.” Marlene gave him a knowing look.

Remus shook his head as his card was given back and the shots arrived. “Want help bringing those back to the table? I might be able to manage one.”

“Table? No, Moony, they’re for us. Two for me, two for you.” She pushed two over to him. “You’re going to relax tonight if it fucking kills me. It won’t.”

“Might kill me.” Remus picked up one of the shots. “It smells minty.”

“It’s good. Bottoms up!” She clinked her shot glass against his before downing it.

He took a deep breath and followed suit. It wasn’t bad… it was actually  _ good _ . Remus’ experience with Marlene’s drinks weren’t great, but he could get behind this one.

“And the next!” Marlene put the shot glass down with a thud before grabbing the other. Remus did the other shot as well, feeling it burn down his throat. He really did like it. “Okay! Let’s go! I’ve made sure that Regulus is sitting next to Benjy and you’re on the end with Sirius.”

Remus followed after Marlene. She had grabbed the rum and coke, so Remus followed after with Sirius’ drink and his whisky.

They got to the table and it was one of the horseshoe booths. They were sitting just as Marlene said, so Remus slid in next to Sirius. The group greeted him and Remus smiled as a greeting. He was feeling a little bit looser from the shots.

“No no,” Sirius was saying as Remus sat down. “That’s where you’re wrong, Dorky. That’s what Kingsley  _ said _ , and Benjy, you agree, right? Hi, caro. There’s still this binary  _ shit _ in ballet and even if modern corps are doing away with it you’re not gonna get the ROH casting two male leads in the next million years, never mind anyone  _ not _ cis.”

“Right!” Benjy waved a hand. “Sure, the modern corps get coverage because they’re doing things  _ differently _ , you know?”

“Okay, we’ve lost them.” Dorky looked to Remus as the dance conversation continued around them. “Bloody dancers.”

Remus snorted before taking a drink.

“So, Reg, do you like music?” Dorcas asked.

“Er—” Regulus turned his glass in his hands a few times, trying to lean out of the dance conversation a little. “Yeah. I really like stuff from the mid-70s, you know, early Bowie? And uh, I guess a lot of classical, orchestral stuff too… listened to that at home a lot.” He sipped his drink and Remus thought he was trying not to pull a face at the taste of it. “What… what about you?”

“I’m mostly into indie-pop. Remus loves everything, don’t you?”

Remus nodded again, taking another gulp.

“What’d you say you went to uni for?”

“Oh, I only did two years before I dropped out to work for the business, but I studied English Literature. Really enjoyed it.” Regulus scratched his ear and sipped his drink again.

Remus sputtered then coughed.

“Oh! Moony loves the classics. Austen? Brontë?”

“I  _ love _ Austen. Like some more contemporary stuff too, Brett Easton Ellis, Donna Tartt… but you can’t beat the classics.” Regulus smiled, glancing between Dorcas and Remus.

“Nope, can’t beat the classics.” Remus downed the rest of his whisky. “Oh, look at that, all done. Be right back.”

Without waiting for anyone to answer, Remus pushed himself out of the booth and made a beeline for the bar. Before he could get there he felt a hand on his arm.

“Rem…”

He stopped short, causing Sirius to crash into him. “Sorry, shit.”

Sirius caught his arm, pulling him upright, frowning a little. “You getting another drink already?”

“Yeah.” Remus looked at them then kept moving.

Sirius kept up with him, squeezing next to him at the bar. “Want to do shots?”

“Sure.” Remus leaned on the bar. “Whatever you want.”

“Okay.” Sirius slid their arm around his waist. “Can I have a kiss?” They stepped closer and kissed the corner of Remus’ mouth, lingering there.

Remus turned into the kiss. He generally disliked PDA, but he was feeling relaxed from the drinks and missed Sirius so much.

“Mmm,” Sirius hummed, pulling back a little. “Why are you so minty?”

“Oh, I did a shot with Marly. She was… insistent.” Remus shrugged then waved down the bartender.

“Oh. Okay…” Sirius bit their lip, their arm loosening around Remus’ waist a little.

“What?” Remus furrowed his brow.

Sirius shook their head, leaning over to order four raspberry sambuca shots from the bartender instead of answering Remus.

“And a whisky on the rocks, please,” Remus added to the order.

The bartender nodded, going off to fetch the drinks. Sirius dug in the pocket of Remus’ leather jacket for their wallet, biting their lip again.

“You look nice in that jacket.” Remus tugged at the zipper, trying to get them to some sort of normal.

Sirius smiled and it reached their eyes for the first time since they got to the bar. “Thank you. I really like it too.”

“You look sexy tonight.” Remus put his arm around them.

“Oh yeah?” Sirius leaned into him, their hand going to his shoulder.

“Mmm, you always do, but… I don’t know, extra nice tonight.” Remus kissed their cheek.

Sirius laughed against Remus’ cheek and was about to lean in and kiss him on the mouth when the bartender set down the drinks. Sirius pulled away with a little smile to Remus, handing over their card.

“It’s probably the lipstick, right?” Remus chuckled.

“Probably,” Sirius murmured, sliding two of the shots and Remus’ whisky over to him.

“Okay, to you and your beautiful face.” Remus held up his shot.

Sirius clinked their shot. “To my best garbage.”

Remus smiled before downing his shot. This could be okay again, they could do this. Sirius picked up their second shot after a moment, watching Remus.

“To us.” Remus licked his lips.

Sirius swallowed hard. “To us,” they practically whispered before knocking the shot back.

Remus set the shot down then kissed Sirius on the lips, pulling them close. He didn’t want to go back to the table, but he knew that they had to. Sirius wrapped their arms around his neck, pressing against him, one hand raking their nails through his hair.

“We should probably go back to the table.” He kissed them again.


	9. Chapter 9

Sirius didn’t really like PDA, neither did Remus, but here they were plastered against him at the bar, still half holding their last shot glass because Remus had taken them by surprise. They were torn completely. Sirius  _ knew _ Remus was out to get drunk tonight and they  _ knew _ he was being snappy ever since they left the flat. 

Regulus had been a little shocked when he saw Sirius looking femme that evening, but Sirius realised Regulus wasn’t judging them, he was just a little taken aback. Sirius felt so sorry for him in the bar, he clearly had no clue what to do, but Sirius stuck by him and tried to show him what the hell to do being a real person away from  _ them _ .

“We probably should,” Sirius murmured against Remus’ lips, not stepping back.

“I’m not convinced by either of us.” Remus kissed them again, hand dropping down their hip.

There was a loud knock on the bar next to Sirius. They pulled back to see the bartender looking at them both with one eyebrow raised. “Alright you two, move along, eh?”

Remus pulled back. “Sorry!” He grabbed his whisky then took Sirius’ hand with his free one.

Sirius smiled to themselves. They knew Remus was tipsy, probably bordering on just plain drunk, but it was too good to see him relaxed and back to almost normal. Sirius squeezed his hand, following him back to the booth. Dorcas, Hestia and Marlene were talking, and Regulus looked like he was having an almost normal conversation with Benjy. Sirius slid into the booth next to Regulus, budging up to make room for Remus next to them. They were still on their first drink but those two shots were still burning a little. Sirius didn’t want to be  _ drunk _ , not when Remus seemed intent on being so tonight.

Remus’ hand immediately went to Sirius’ upper thigh as he took a drink. Sirius put their hand over his, squeezing his fingers slightly. They slid a glance over to him as they sipped their vodka. “I’m glad we came out.”

“Me too.” Remus kissed their cheek. “I feel like it’s been a while.” He took another sip.

“It has.” Sirius leaned into him a little, glancing around. Marlene was gesturing wildly in her conversation with Dorky and Hestia, Dorcas looking at her so fondly it almost hurt Sirius to see it. Next to them, Reggie and Benjy were talking. Sirius couldn’t quite hear their conversation over the din of the bar, but Reggie was smiling and that made Sirius feel so much better.

“I know it’s March, but I really wish you didn’t have leggings on right now.” Remus spoke into his glass.

Sirius glanced back to Remus, seeing him studying his whisky. They smiled, turning to move a little closer so Remus could hear them. “I know you like my legs but I definitely would freeze.”

“Hmm, should be summer then. Or spring, whatever.” Remus took another sip.

Sirius set their own glass down. “Mm, or you could keep me warm, I suppose, if you really wanted.”

“Hmm, yeah, you should really get these off then,” Remus whispered into their ear.

“Mmhm…” Sirius bit their lip, pausing for a moment before reaching over and prising Remus’ whisky glass from his fingers. They took a sip before pressing it back into his hand and tugging their leggings down their thighs beneath their skirt.

Remus’ eyes went wide as he watched Sirius. Everyone was pretty distracted at the table, thank fuck, but Sirius was also pretty quick at pulling their leggings off down over their shoes too. God, they were being a fucking idiot but they had missed Remus so much it felt like they would do whatever to get him to look at them like that. Their leggings, thankfully, were thin enough to bundle up and shove into the pocket of the leather jacket, too. Sirius shot Remus a smirk as they settled in their seat, straightening their skirt.

“Jesus,” Remus muttered, hand sliding back to their inner thigh.

Sirius shivered a little, scooting up to Remus to press against his side, biting their lip to try and stifle the joyful smile on their face.

“You can’t just do something like that.” Remus’ hand slid further up. “But god, yes, do that more often.”

Laughing, Sirius pressed their thighs together, trapping Remus’ hand. “You told me to.”

“I didn’t think you would.” He wiggled his fingers, taking another sip of his whisky. It was nearly gone now.

Sirius put their hand on his knee, turning their head to press a kiss to his shoulder. They didn’t want to be responsible and stay sober and realise Remus was probably too drunk to go home and probably too drunk to have sex but it felt like Remus was looking at them for the first time in days and they wanted that feeling back. Sirius inhaled softly. “We could go home, if you want.”

Remus smirked. “Really?”

“Mhmm.” Sirius bit their lip, glancing around the group. Regulus looked like he was having fun, and hopefully the rest of the group wouldn’t mind putting him in a taxi once they all left. Sirius was pretty sure Marly knew how desperate Sirius was for some alone time with Remus, too. 

“Let’s go then.” Remus wiggled his fingers again.

Sirius nodded, tapping Regulus on the arm. “Would you mind if Remus and I went home? I had a tiring day at work… You can stay, though, stay and chat with everyone.”

Regulus looked mortified for a moment. “I can come back.”

“NO! No… why don’t you stay here and… and keep talking with Benjy.” Remus cleared his throat.

Sirius shoved Remus in the side a little, fucking god he couldn’t be more obvious. “Don’t feel like you have to come back with us if you’re out having fun, kid.”

“Yeah, please don’t.” Remus nodded.

_ Christ! _ Remus was making it so much fucking worse. Sirius wished the flat was further away so they could have the excuse of telling Remus to go find a taxi or something. Sirius gave him what they hoped was a pointed look over their shoulder, looking resolutely back to Reggie. “That alright?”

“Ah, yeah… how do I get home?” Regulus frowned a little.

“Marly!” Sirius called, but Marlene was engrossed in a conversation. Sirius picked up a beer mat and chucked it at her to get her attention. “Oi. Will one of you please make sure to put Reg in a taxi when you all leave? I’m dead on my feet after today so Remus and I are going to go home.”

Marlene snorted a laugh then grinned. “Sure, I’ll make sure he gets home fine. Have fun. I mean, have a good night.”

Sirius rolled their eyes, discreetly flipping Marlene off as they scratched their temple. “Thank you,” they said in an over-exaggeratedly grand voice. “Okay. See you tomorrow? Ben, Hestia, see you Monday.” Sirius ushered Remus out of the booth before he could polish off the rest of his whisky and make things even more horrifically awkward, hoping the offer of sex in the very near future would distract him from getting wasted.

Remus made an attempt to grab his glass but instead took Sirius’ hand when they offered it. “Goodnight!”

Sirius stood up, turning away from the booth to follow Remus out when they heard Ben’s voice asking, “Wasn’t Sirius wearing leggings when they turned up?”

Marlene let out a loud… well… what could only be described as a cackle. Oh god, Sirius was going to get so much stick at work for this tomorrow but they weren’t going to pass up a chance to try and have some time with Remus. They hurried to catch up to him, tucking their arm through his as they emerged out of the bar and started down the street.

Remus’ hand looped around their waist as they walked to pull them close. “Got to keep up with the keeping you warm thing.”

Sirius smiled, leaning their head on his shoulder. They didn’t even want to bring up how Remus had acted with Reggie earlier, or how he’d been acting for a while, or anything that had been going on. Sirius just wanted to forget everything tonight, go home and have sex sufficiently mind-blowing to let them turn off their brain and get some damn sleep. “My knight in shining armor,” Sirius said softly.

“Yes, totally.” He snorted a laugh, his hand going to Sirius’ arse and giving it a squeeze.

“Oi!” Sirius grinned, batting his hand away, grabbing a hold of his wrist to pull him along, breaking into a run and pulling Remus with them.

Remus laughed loudly. “I was keeping you warm!”

“Pfft, I know you too well you little git. Come on.”

Remus came to a stop, digging his heels in and pulling Sirius back against his body. “Hi.”

Sirius stumbled as they were pulled to a stop, having no choice but to lean into Remus, surprised. “Oh, hi.”

Remus pulled them into a deep kiss, dipping them a little. Sirius looped their arms around his neck, grinning into the kiss. Sirius was a total sucker for whenever Remus demonstrated his strength. It was always so unassuming at first and sometimes Sirius forgot how easily Remus could hold them up.

“What’s the rush, love?” Remus held them tight, one hand going back to their arse.

Sirius smiled, biting their lip. “We’re in the middle of the street, Remus.”

“Good point.” Remus laughed and straightened up. “We didn’t need to run though.”

“Well, someone made me take my leggings off, so I’m cold.” Sirius slipped their hand into Remus’ back pocket. “Plus, the sooner we get home…”

Remus grabbed their hand and broke into a run again. At the door to the flat, Sirius dug in their pocket for their keys, a little out of breath from the run, in their heels, damn what did Remus do to them. Remus wouldn’t stop kissing their neck as they tried (and kept failing) to open the door.

“Remus,” Sirius huffed, trying to concentrate on opening the door but they still tilted their head to bare their neck to him.

“Hmm, love?” He nipped at one of his favorite spots.

Sirius gasped in response, finally managing to wrench the door open and stumble through, pulling Remus with them. Remus kicked the door closed, backing Sirius into the wall of the small entryway. He slid his hands up to Sirius’ shoulders to push off the jacket. Sirius shrugged their shoulders to help him, dropping one arm then the other from Remus’ waist to let the jacket fall to the floor; they could pick it up later, they wanted this now. God, Sirius hadn’t realised how desperately they missed him.

“Shit, Rem,” Sirius breathed, head tipping back against the wall.

“God, I want you so bad.” Remus struggled to get out of his own coat because he couldn’t stop kissing Sirius.

Sirius’ hands pushed at Remus’ coat, shoving it from his shoulders as best they could, kissing Remus back, stroking his tongue with theirs. Remus’ coat joined the leather jacket on the ground and Sirius immediately slid their hands down Remus’ chest to his belt, tugging it open. Remus’ went for their thighs as he started to steer them further into the flat. Sirius’ heel caught on the edge of the sofa but they didn’t pause a moment, kissing Remus deeply, one hand in his hair, the other pressing over him through his jeans.

“Fuck, Sirius.” Remus moaned. “I can’t stand not being inside you right now.”

“Oh god,” Sirius groaned, pulling away to glance around the living room. As a joke when they first moved in, Sirius had stashed lube in various places around the flat. It had been a homage to Remus’  _ I want you anywhere, anytime when I feel like this _ , and it was coming in handy now because it felt like the bedroom was miles away and Sirius wanted this  _ now _ . They remembered one bottle was on the bookshelves after they watched  _ Atonement _ one night and Sirius glanced over to Remus during  _ that scene _ and found him a little flushed. Sirius hooked their fingers through Remus’ belt loops and pulled him over towards the bookshelves.

Remus pushed them up against the shelves with a smirk.

Sirius gasped as their back hit the shelves, one hand reaching up to the shelf just above their head where they knew the lube was, eyes on Remus the whole time.

“Really?” Remus let out a soft laugh, seeing the lube. “Thank fuck.”

“Yeah, I know you, you romantic bastard. Come here and fuck me already.” Sirius’ voice sounded a little shaky, tugging Remus closer with their fingers hooked around his belt again.

“Yes,” Remus growled, taking the lube and urging Sirius back even more.

Sirius obliged, undoing Remus’ belt buckle as they pulled him to stand between their legs, pushing his jeans open. They wanted him now, now, now. As they did that, Remus put his hands on the back of Sirius’ thighs so they would bring their legs up to Remus’ hips. Sirius ducked their head to catch Remus’ lips in a kiss, tightening their legs around his waist, one hand reluctantly moving away to grasp at the shelf behind them.

Remus quickly poured the lube onto his fingers, hurrying as if the moment was going to slip away. He tossed the bottle aside and hiked up Sirius’ skirt with one hand. Remus groaned when his hand came into contact with Sirius’ underwear.

Breaking the kiss with their own groan, Sirius dropped one leg from Remus’ waist, shoving at his hands a little to get him to let go so they could pull their briefs off one leg. It felt like too much and it would take too long to take them off; Sirius’ brain was just screaming  _ now _ .

Finally, Remus’ finger pressed into Sirius, pausing for a moment as he pressed a kiss to the corner of Sirius’ mouth.

“Oh, fuck.” Sirius’ head dropped back against the shelves, one hand going back to hold onto them. Remus moved his finger slowly, crooking it just a bit. Sirius moaned sharply, biting their lip. “ _ Ah _ , oh god, hurry up.”

“Only so fast I can go.” Remus pressed a kiss to their neck as his finger nearly pulled out of them.

Sirius ran their hands over Remus’ shoulders, down his back to slide into the back of his jeans. “I love you.”

Grinning, Remus kissed their lips softly. “I love you too.”

“Ahh.” Sirius squirmed, shifting their hips. “Rem, come on.”

Another finger joined inside of Sirius. “I’m trying.”

“Less talking, more kissing, more fucking me.” Sirius grinned, leaning forward to kiss Remus on the mouth again, nipping his bottom lip and urging him closer with their hands on his arse. Remus complied, kissing Sirius in earnest, like he was trying to devour them whole as his fingers worked inside them. Sirius moaned, their eyes slipping closed as their hips met Remus’ movements. “I’m ready, it’s—god, fuck, just, come on.”

“Fuck, okay, all right.” Remus carefully pulled his fingers out. “All right, love.” He took himself in his hand and guided Sirius’ hips closer to him.

“Oh fuck, come on, I want to feel you for days, fuck, Remus.” Sirius shifted their legs a little higher to wrap around Remus’ middle, one hand raking nails up his spine.

Remus pressed into Sirius, his forehead resting against Sirius’ shoulder.

“Jesus fuck,” Sirius hissed, back arching, teeth sinking into their bottom lip against the slight burn but god, Remus felt so good.

After a moment, Remus started to move his hips, trying to continue to kiss Sirius as their bodies moved. Sirius kissed back, panting and already half-moaning with every breath, scrabbling for grip on the bookshelves to grip and meet Remus’ thrusts.

“You’re so fucking good, Sirius, fuck.” Remus fucked them hard.

The sound of a key in the lock came only a second before the flat door opened and light from the stairwell flooded in through the entryway. Sirius’ hand went to Remus’ shoulder to shove him away, breath catching in their throat. “Ah fuck, fuck,” Sirius managed to choke out before Regulus walked into the living room. Their eyes met for a split second over Remus’ shoulder. 

Oh  _ shit _ .


	10. Chapter 10

Remus  _ had _ been having a decent night. He missed being with Sirius so much, it felt like things were better. Then Sirius had suggested they go home ( _ after taking of their leggings in the middle of the bar! _ ), which Remus was thankful for because he couldn’t stand not touching them anymore and he also didn’t want to be too drunk in case there was sex in his future. They were all over each other the whole way then it felt like they just exploded with want when they entered the flat.

The sex was good. Amazing. Sirius seemed to want to reenact a movie scene that got Remus flustered once. He liked that.... But he didn’t like the fact it nearly went all the way through when Regulus walked in in the middle of things just like the movie. Remus groaned, dropping his forehead then pulled out of Sirius before turning away to tuck himself back into his jeans. He was afraid to turn around or say anything. His tongue was too loose.

“Reggie…” Sirius cleared their throat, pulling their skirt down from up over their waist, trying to catch their breath. “Er—you’re… back early…”

“I’m sorry… I… things were getting rowdy and…”

Sirius shook their head, tugging on the hem of their shirt. They glanced over to Remus, biting their lip, before stepping forward towards Regulus. “Okay, ah… sorry, it’s—”

“SORRY? It’s our flat, Sirius!” Remus shouted, not being able to hold it in any longer.

Sirius winced, eyes flickering between Remus and Regulus. “Remus…”

“You couldn’t just fucking give us a night? You’re  _ always here _ .” Remus clenched his jaw. He finally turned around to see Regulus looking at him with wide eyes, something similar to what Sirius did whenever Remus showed any sharp emotion.

“Remus,” Sirius said, a little sterner now.

Regulus scratched his ear before dropping his hand back to his side again. “Yeah, I am. I don’t know anyone here but you, I’m not  _ trying _ to step on your toes all the time!”

“Well! You were finally meeting some people, what the fuck? You could have been free of us for a few hours.” Remus shook his head. “Probably can’t be much fun around here.”

“Remus!” Sirius put their hand on Remus’ arm, but Regulus cut them off when they started to speak.

“I actually want to get to know you, you know! Sirius is my brother and I barely know him and you’re his boyfriend so I’m sorry I actually want to get to know you! You seem so intent on hating me!”

“SIBLING! THEY’RE YOUR SIBLING!” Remus shook Sirius’ arm off. “You looked at them like they were not right earlier. Get it fucking right.”

“No! No, it’s fine, stop—stop shouting, it’s  _ fine _ , it’s a mistake, it happens,” Sirius said quickly, stepping forward as if they were trying to stand between Remus and their brother in case anything  _ happened _ . 

“He can try harder! You shouldn’t be looking at Sirius like the arseholes on the street do when they’re ogling them for no reason!” Remus could practically feel his blood boiling.

Regulus cringed, biting his lip. “Sirius, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m  _ trying _ , I didn’t mean—”

Sirius looked at their brother for a moment before turning to Remus, looking at him with wide eyes. Regulus over their shoulder had the exact same expression. “Remus, can you stop, please? It’s  _ fine _ .”

“It’s fine! Right, I’m fine. This is all fucking fine.” Remus put a hand over his face. “It’s fine and it’s been over a week since we’ve been close to one other because it feels like we’re living in completely different planets right now. I can’t even kiss you in the kitchen in the morning without you ducking away, Sirius because Regulus is on the fucking sofa. Now, for the first time since Florence, I felt like we were going to have some type of physical connection even if our mental one is off, he fucking bursts into the flat. This is  _ fine _ .”

“Why didn’t you just  _ ask _ me to leave, if you hate me being around so much?” Regulus said sharply. “I’ve asked you so much if I can stay, I never wanted to feel like I’m intruding and you said it was alright!”

“Yeah, let me tell my partner that their brother who they hadn’t seen in twelve years and who has just escape their fucking shitty family and has no where to go has to leave our flat because I want space. Right, that won’t make me feel like more of an arsehole than I already feel like,” Remus snapped. _ Than I already am. _

“We could’ve talked about it, Remus!” Sirius sounded exasperated. “You could’ve said something and we would’ve figured it out before…  _ this. _ ”

“ _ Talked _ ? Ha, right, talked. We could have talked about all this long before me getting drunk and annoyed, sure. If you haven’t been avoiding me all week. Could have at least told me you had a brother six months ago or two weeks ago or even asked me if he could stay here before just assuming. We could have talked.” Remus hated this so much. Why couldn’t things just be okay?

“I didn’t mean to fuck things up for you, Sirius, I swear—” Regulus took a step towards Sirius then stopped, as if thinking better of it— “I just… didn’t have anyone else to go to, I didn’t mean…”

Sirius shook their head, still facing Remus and looking at him with disbelief in their eyes. “Don’t, Remus. You’re  _ drunk _ , don’t say all this right now.”

Remus let out a shallow laugh. “Right… I’m sure you’re dying to go back to your old flat. This is why we shouldn’t have moved in with each other.”

Sirius flinched like they’d been slapped. Behind them, Regulus went to where his things were sitting at the side of the sofa. The flat was silent for a moment except for Regulus’ shuffling.

That was too far, and Remus knew it. Shit. 

Sirius looked at him for a moment longer before turning away towards their brother. “Get your things Reg, we’ll find you somewhere,” they said very softly.

Without saying anything else, Remus looked at Sirius once more before going towards their bedroom. This was so not good. This was terrible, and it was all because Remus couldn’t keep his drunken mouth shut. But it had been building all week, felt like he couldn’t stop the words from coming. Now it was all worse, he felt like there was no going back.

Regulus was probably just fine, and Remus wished he knew him without all this bullshit, Remus considered as he kicked off his shoes then crawled into bed. If it weren’t for the four shots and two drinks, Remus probably wouldn’t have fallen asleep, but he did.

When the light was filtering into the bedroom from the window, Remus woke up alone in bed in the same clothes from the night before. He groaned, realizing that Sirius had never got into bed with him. After checking his phone, he found that it was still early, so Sirius should still at least be in the flat. They needed to talk, no matter how shitty he was feeling. He had been so terrible the night before.

Remus padded out to the living room to find it empty, Regulus’ bag gone and neither Black sibling anywhere to be found. Shit.   
  



	11. Chapter 11

Sirius practically held their breath as Remus stalked off into the bedroom. They didn’t even watch him go, just staring at Regulus as he gathered his meagre possessions. 

“I’m  _ sorry _ , Sirius. I didn’t mean to fuck things up with you and I never mean to call you the wrong things, I’m trying to get used to it but I keep slipping up. I feel like I’ve really messed up.”

“No, it’s okay.” It wasn’t, really, but Sirius knew it wasn’t Regulus’ fault. Their brother didn’t realise how much Sirius wanted to scream whenever he said  _ he _ , or how they had no clue how they would even  _ start _ to fix this with Remus. “I know you don’t mean it.”

“It’s shitty still, he’s right… I should try harder.” Regulus made a face.

Sirius felt like they should apologise for Remus, to offer an explanation, but they didn’t know how to go about trying to defend him. He had shouted at Regulus, and whilst Sirius was frustrated they had been interrupted too, it felt like he was overreacting so much. “I’d appreciate it… But that doesn’t mean he gets to shout at you. I didn’t—didn’t realise…” Sirius shook their head; they had barely been paying attention to Remus recently, everything was moving so quickly around them and it felt like they couldn’t keep up.

“No, he shouldn’t have shouted, but he’s been keeping it in. You know what happens when people do that.” Regulus grabbed his bag.

“You don’t need to defend him, Reggie. He shouldn’t have shouted at you. You shouldn’t take the brunt of our fucking domestics.” Sirius rubbed a hand over their face. “I’m gonna text James, to see if you can stay in their spare room.” They probably could’ve done that a while ago, but they felt strangely protective over Reggie, wanting him close to keep an eye on him and get to know him and make sure he was okay. But having Reg around had pushed Remus away.

“Right, okay.” Regulus nodded, looking down the hallway.

James, bless him, was at home when Sirius and Regulus arrived and offered his spare room to the younger Black sibling. It was probably a better place for him to be, it was closer to PureFit too, but Sirius felt strange about it. They wanted their flat back, their space with Remus back without feeling like they were on eggshells, but they wanted to make sure Regulus was okay too.

Remus’ words kept playing on repeat in Sirius’ head— _ this is why we shouldn’t have moved in together _ . It had happened so quickly. They’d barely had any time to get used to living with each other when Reggie turned up on the doorstep, and Sirius wouldn’t begrudge him for that when he had nowhere else to go, but it was so hard. Those blissful times of a honeymoon period were long gone.

Sirius sat on the arm of the Potter’s sofa whilst James showed Regulus to the spare room, heaving a sigh. They turned their phone around in their hands, trying to decide whether to text Remus, whether to get the bus back to their flat tonight or just sleep on the Potter’s sofa.

“Hey,” Lily said softly, padding over in her pyjamas to sit on the sofa.

“Hi you… Sorry for cutting your night short.” Sirius tried a smile but they suspected it didn’t really work.

“No worries, Sirius, what happened?” She patted their leg.

“Turns out Remus had been internally  _ fuming _ about Reggie staying, and I had no idea… It all boiled over tonight after we all went out for drinks. Remus and I went back early to get some time together and then Reg walks in on us having sex in the living room…” Sirius sighed again, shoulders slumping.

“Oh no, that’s not good. I know things have been a bit tense lately.” Lily frowned, pulling her legs up onto the sofa.

“Tense, yeah.” Sirius scoffed. “Remus shouted at Reggie, saying he was  _ always _ around. And Reggie tried to explain but he called me his brother instead of his sibling and that just made Remus even more mad and I tried to get him to stop shouting. Then he said I should’ve told him about Reggie,  _ again _ , and that ‘this is why we shouldn’t have moved in together’...”

Lily made a face. “Shit. That’s fucking terrible. I get why he’s angry, but that’s not how you go about this all.”

“Yeah… I don’t know. We’ve barely spoken since Reg arrived… I don’t know how to fix things. I thought he would understand having Reg around feels important.”

“Sounds like you need some time alone, if you ask me. You might need to just argue it out, talk it out… I don’t know. Take tomorrow off work and spend the weekend together,” Lily suggested to them.

“Yeah. Hopefully we can actually talk without screaming at each other.” Sirius rubbed a hand over their face. “He just walked off to the bedroom. I said stop saying all this, you’re drunk, and he said that we shouldn’t have moved in together and I didn’t know what to say to that so I just told Reggie to get his things and then he walked off.”

“Well, Sirius, maybe you need to scream at each other for a bit then you’ll get to the talking part. You haven’t properly talked. Dig your heels in and don’t give up, unless if you want to not be with him anymore.”

“No! No, fuck no, Christ… No, I love him. Which is why it fucking  _ hurts _ arguing. I wish we could just see what the other was thinking and understand it all.” Sirius sniffed, looking at their phone again. “We had such a good time in Florence, and then it all went wrong.”

“You can’t see what the other is thinking, that’s why you have to talk to try to understand it all. I know you love him and he loves you, Padfoot. It went wrong because you both need to talk,” she insisted.

“Yeah…” Sirius turned their phone over and over in their fingers, pausing with a sudden realisation at the date. “Oh  _ shit _ . Fuck, it’s his— _ shit _ , it’s his fucking birthday next week.  _ Fuck! _ ”

Lily pulled a face then laughed. “Sirius, do something for him then. Talk to him this weekend then do something about his birthday next weekend.”

“We can—we can do a dinner party or something, get everyone together. He’ll like that, right?” Sirius groaned, flopping back onto the sofa and covering their face with their hands. “Oh god I’m such a  _ shit _ boyfriend,  _ fuck _ .”

“Don’t give me that shit, Sirius Black! Partner, come on now.” Lily shook her head.

Sirius groaned louder. “ _ Fuck _ .”

“Come on, Sirius, you’re a good partner, things are just rough right now. Sleep here, then go back home tomorrow. Reg will stay with us for now and we’ll try to make a plan.” Lily squeezed their knee.

“Okay… Will you help me organise for his birthday? Make a group chat and find somewhere to have it—I don’t think everyone will fit in our flat, will they? Oh god I need to get him a present too,  _ shit _ , how did I forget about his fucking  _ birthday _ , Lily?”

“Yeah, we can do that, we’ll figure it out, Sirius. Calm down, now’s not the time to panic over that. We’ll take care of that.” Lily smiled at them.

“Okay.”

The next morning Sirius woke with a groan, a bit sore from being curled up on the Potter’s sofa. It was early enough that the rest of the flat was quiet, Lily and James probably sleeping in on a Saturday morning, and Regulus never was an early riser like Sirius. They slipped out of the flat, shooting a text to Marlene saying they wouldn’t be able to come in today, but everything was  _ fine _ . 

The whole bus ride back Sirius replayed the argument last night in their head. They hadn’t been paying Remus enough attention, so caught up with Reggie and all the stress that came there. Sirius hadn’t realised how frustrated Remus was and they felt like they should’ve picked it up way before last night. Even at the bar it was about to burst but Sirius just let Remus go along, too eager for the idea of getting to spend some time alone with him. True, Sirius had been not quite kissing Remus back recently, but it was so  _ weird _ with Reggie right in the room, on the sofa. It felt odd to be making out with Remus in the kitchen whilst their little brother was watching TV. That was no excuse though, they should’ve  _ talked _ .

Sirius walked into the flat, almost dreading what they were going to find but eager to try and talk to Remus. They found him pacing in the living room, still wearing his jeans and shirt from the night before, barefoot with his hair all mussed. Sirius let the door swing shut behind them. They had to try and talk, and not just close up.

“Hi.”

Remus stopped in his tracks and stared at Sirius for a moment. “Sirius.”

“I stayed with the Potters last night, I just… I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, I didn’t know what to say.”

“I don’t blame you.” Remus looked away, shaking his head.

Sirius almost said that Reggie was staying with them for a while but they figured it was probably best not to bring him up with Remus. “I didn’t realise you felt like I was ignoring you. I’m sorry I didn’t notice.”

Remus let out a rough laugh. “You said before, when this started the other week, that it was like I disappeared. You did too.”

“My head is all over the place… but that doesn’t make it okay.”

“Yeah, no, it doesn’t.” Remus looked back to them.

Sirius bit their lip, shifting their weight from foot to foot. They hadn’t moved away from the door yet. They didn’t know if they were welcome. “Should I… should I go and stay with Marly and Dorky?”

“Only if you want to.” Remus ran a hand through his hair. “I wouldn’t blame you for it.”

“Oh.” Sirius had been hoping for Remus to spring to life and say  _ no, Sirius, stay, I want you here _ . But it almost didn’t surprise them that he hadn’t. Sirius had been awful to him recently, Remus was right, it was like they were on different planets. “I… I don’t want to. I want to stay and figure this out.” Lily was in their head, telling them to talk it out. 

“Then stay.” Remus went over to the sofa and sat down.

Sirius paused for a moment before crossing over and sitting on the other side of the sofa. Even after their fight before Germany it felt easier to get the words out than now. Sirius slipped their heels off and pulled their feet onto the sofa. “I’m sorry I haven’t been paying attention to you. I’ve been so caught up with Reg and trying to get used to him being here. I’ve just been… doing what I do and ignoring everything and pretending it’s all  _ fine _ . I didn’t realise it was all going so wrong. I should’ve made sure you were okay with everything, but I didn’t.”

“Yeah, you should have.” Remus’ voice was soft, but tight.

_ Yeah _ . There was nothing Sirius could say to that, Remus was right. “Yeah. I should have, I really should have. I should’ve told you about Reggie in the first place, I should’ve asked if he could stay, I should’ve checked in with you when I thought you were being snappy with him but I thought you were just short with him because he heard us argue that first night, I didn’t… I wanted you two to get along so I just pretended you were. I’m so sorry, Remus.” Sirius set their chin on their knees, sighing. “I shouldn’t have egged you on at the bar last night, I shouldn’t have let it get so far that we felt like we weren’t even in the same place but it was like I was watching us drift apart and I didn’t know how to pull you back.”

“Look, I want to like Regulus, I really do, but it was just so much. He’s here all the time and I felt like a fucking bastard for not wanting him around. It made me feel like shit, on top of you being distant because you’re so stressed, just pulled me apart. Last night, I was so happy you were giving me the time of day and it felt like the only way I could be close to you.” Remus leaned forward a little.

“Me too. I was just so happy we were talking and actually being with each other that I didn’t want to think about anything else. I was happy to have you back.” Sirius bit their lip, turning to look at Remus. He looked so tired but he was so gorgeous.

“I didn’t even feel like us though, last night, I… I don’t even know what I’m saying.” Remus shook his head.

“We were drunker than we should’ve been…” Sirius sighed. They encouraged him too, playing up to him and taking their leggings off and running back to the flat and not wanting to go  _ all _ the way to the bedroom where they might’ve been fine with the door closed.

“Yeah, I drank too much too fast last night. I wouldn’t have said those things…”

“You’re always more honest when you’re drunk…”

“It’s easier to make the words do the thing.” He waved a hand. “I wasn’t honest, I was cruel last night.”

Sirius bit their lip, turning to look at Remus properly. “You really think we shouldn’t have moved in together?”

“I — I don’t know. I was so afraid of something happening and it did and now… I don’t know.” Remus rubbed a hand on his leg.

“And like usual, I was stupid and pretended everything would be fine.” Sirius looked back towards the blank television and the bookshelves next to it. “I wish we could rewind it all.”

“Sirius, you’re not stupid, stop that,” Remus said sternly. “We can’t rewind, we’re here.”

Sirius stilled a little at Remus’ tone, biting their lip before they glanced back to him. “What can I do? What do you want to know, what can I say? I told Marly I’m not coming in today and we have the whole day. How do I fix it, Remus?”

“I don’t know. I don’t… look, you don’t need to tell me about your family. That’s not even what I’m stuck on. Everything I’m upset about has happened, I don’t need to know anything right now, I guess. But… I don’t know how to make us closer — how we were or should be.” Remus sniffed.

“I love you.” Sirius stretched their legs out, tucking their feet under Remus’ thigh. “I love you.”

“I know.” Remus took a deep breath and Sirius felt like their heart was shattering. “I love you too.”

Sirius let out a big breath, trying to ignore the panic that had set in at Remus’  _ I know _ . For a moment they felt like it was all over, then, like they were just going to walk out the door and call it quits. Sirius shuffled closer, determined not to cry, and took Remus’ hand, kissing the back of it. “I do love you, more than anything, you know. I do.”

Remus watched them for a moment, nodding. “How do we fix it, though?”

“Marly says there’s a good therapist near the studio. I’m going to go.” Sirius had decided last night, scrolling through their phone when they couldn’t sleep and looking at the details Marlene sent them. Reggie could go too, but it felt stupid to bring that up right now. Sirius needed to fix their relationship with Remus first. “I’m going to  _ try _ and be better.”

“I’m sure it’s hard keeping it all in, Sirius. It can’t be easy.” Remus moved a little closer to them.

“It feels normal, but that’s not a good thing.” Sirius shifted closer, resting their head lightly on Remus’ shoulder. “I know it won’t fix things with us, but maybe if you know I won’t do this again, it might make you love me more again.”

“Sirius…” Remus shook his head. “I love you so much… this… it’s…”

Sirius shook their head a little, turning to press their mouth against Remus’ shoulder.

“You going to therapy isn’t going to make me love you more. I — I don’t even know what to say to this. I love you, so much. If I didn’t then this wouldn’t be so fucking painful.” Remus held tight to Sirius’ hand.

“I know,” Sirius said miserably. “It  _ hurts _ . I’m so sorry.”

They were quiet for a moment, just sitting together until Remus spoke again. “God, I feel so gross, I can’t believe I slept in these clothes.”

“Me too. The Potter’s sofa isn’t comfy…” Sirius sighed. “Can we have a bath?”

“Sure, yeah.” Remus nodded. “That’d be… that’d be nice.”

Sirius nodded, biting their lip as they reluctantly pulled away from Remus and stood up. They wanted to suggest something light-hearted like wine or a brownie or a joint but none of it felt like the right thing to say. “I’ll go run it,” they said instead.

“Sure, I’ll be in in a minute.” Remus nodded.

In the bathroom, Sirius set the water running and looked through the drawers to see if there was a bath bomb or something. They found something bubbly looking and dropped it in, watching the colours unfurl for a moment. As they got out of their clothes, they heard the sounds of  _ Wouldn’t It Be Nice? _ filling the apartment. Sirius sighed, sitting heavily on the edge of the tub before rubbing their hands over their face. They couldn’t rewind but they could still try to pick everything up.

A few minutes later, Remus came in carrying a bowl of fruit and two glasses of orange juice. “I’m starving.”

Sirius nodded, softening at Remus’ presence, their shoulders going a little looser. God, they missed him so much. “Me too. That looks lovely.”

“Yeah?” Remus set them down on the edge of the tub then went to getting undressed. “I thought about toast, but for some reason it felt strange to bring it in the bath.”

“Yeah,” Sirius said, chuckling. “Crumbs in the bath sound as bad as crumbs in the sheets.”

“We do eat in bed often though.” Remus undid his jeans.

Sirius’ eyes focused on Remus, taking in his body. He was so gorgeous. Sirius didn’t want to lose him. “That’s very true. It’s  _ decadent _ .”

Remus snorted a laugh, going to climb into the bath. “That, or we’re lazy and enjoy being in bed.”

“Could be that.” Sirius bit their lip around a grin, pausing for a moment before holding their hand out to Remus.

Remus grabbed their hand. “Well, I’m the lazy one. You like doing things.”

“I like being lazy with you some mornings. My brain and body want to get up and go but my heart always wants to stay in bed with you.” Sirius kissed the back of Remus’ hand, leaving their mouth pressed there for a moment.

Remus smiled at them. “God, I missed you.”

Sirius nodded, kissing his knuckles again. “I missed you too. So very much.”

“Why aren’t you in here?” Remus tugged on their hand.

“Good question,” Sirius hummed, smiling as they turned around on the edge of the tub and slipped into the water. Sirius sat at the other end, facing Remus, eyes flickering over his face. “Better?”


	12. Chapter 12

Remus popped a blueberry into his mouth and looked across the bath at Sirius. There was so much to work on, but things were feeling better. They were alone, it was quiet, and Sirius was trying. Remus needed to keep trying too because he didn’t want to let this go. “Yeah, this is better.”

Sirius nodded, leaning their head on the side of the tub as they reached for a raspberry from the bowl, chewing it slowly. “Yeah, it is, isn’t it?”

“Last night… when you were putting on your eyeliner and I commented on your skirt, why’d you stop and say hi like that?” Remus was curious. It all felt so strange.

Sirius watched him for a moment, biting their lip. “It felt like the first time you’d spoken to me in a while. You had that tone in your voice and I’d missed it.”

Remus nodded for a moment. He felt the same way. “Yeah, I get that.” He grabbed another blueberry. “Then you pushed me away again.” He hoped his tone was soft enough and not accusatory.

“I…” Sirius glanced down at their hands. “I couldn’t tell what you were thinking. I didn’t want to come on so strong and upset you. And then, when I kissed you before we left the bedroom you didn’t kiss me back. So… I don’t know. I can’t tell what you’re thinking anymore. I can read you so well usually and you’re all closed off.”

“I was annoyed because you turned me down on the bed, I guess. I commented on your lipstick and I was flirting and you brushed me off, I thought… I don’t know. Even before all that when you were looking for your clothes, I was trying, ugh, trying to get you to look at me.” Remus reached for his orange juice. “I was so closed off because I was afraid what would come out if I opened up.”

“I didn’t…” Sirius sighed, their hand falling to Remus’ ankle beneath the water. “I didn’t realise. I was so worried about overstepping my bounds with you because I couldn’t read you that I didn’t want to be forward. And I thought,  _ oh _ ,  _ he’s flirting _ , but I felt like we couldn’t just sack off drinks, not with Reggie in the living room and so I was trying… I was trying to be somewhere between, like, flirting back, but I couldn’t just crawl into your lap, as much as I wanted to. I don’t know, it all feels so messed up.”

“Why couldn’t you though? We didn’t have to fuck off on the drinks. We’ve made out plenty of times then just got going after.” Remus furrowed his brow after taking a sip of his drink.

Sirius’ eyes flickered over the water before they looked back to Remus. “I figured it would be like a dam breaking. I didn’t want to kiss you because I knew I wouldn’t stop because I missed you so much and I was so fucking wound up, but we were  _ so _ far apart.”

Remus looked towards the door, listening to the music for a moment as he thought. “You barely could kiss me goodbye the other day in the kitchen. I wasn’t trying to make out with you, you know? Just wanted to say bye and that I loved you.”

“Reggie was right there,” Sirius practically whispered, their chin dropping back to look up at the ceiling. 

“So, you can’t kiss me goodbye around your brother?” Remus was trying very hard not to get angry. “He was in the living room watching tv. He couldn’t even see us. Plus, I wasn’t trying to get off with you.”

“I  _ know _ , Remus. Some days I feel like I can’t  _ breathe _ around Reggie.” Sirius paused, frowning. “But this is about us, not him.”

“But if he’s here, doesn’t he affect us?” Remus questioned. This was about Regulus partly, they couldn’t avoid the topic.

“He’s not anymore.” Sirius bit their lip, heaving a sigh. “Okay, sorry. It’s… it’s  _ complicated _ , with us. There’s a whole lot of stuff I wasn’t expecting to feel with him around.”

“Right, I’m sure… I, I want you two to be close and fix things, you know? It’s not that I don’t want that.” Remus dropped a hand to Sirius’ calf.

“I look at Reggie and I see the son our parents wanted. He’s everything I was supposed to be and I’m not and I won’t ever be. If my childhood didn’t make me into what they wanted then nothing will… Sometimes it just hurts to look at him and know that.”

Remus wanted to pull Sirius into his lap, but it felt like he couldn’t. “You’re such an amazing person, Sirius, they… I’m so glad your childhood didn’t make you what they wanted.”

Sirius pulled their knees to their chest, wrapping their arms around their shins. “I swear I didn’t mean to keep this from you… I feel like I’m only just realising it all when it comes out of my mouth. And I don’t resent him for any of this and it… neither of us deserved all that shit.”

“I know, I do. I’m trying so hard to understand. I think — I’m glad you’re going to talk to someone,” Remus set his glass aside. “They shouldn’t have hurt either of you the way they did.”

“No… it’s  _ shit _ . Turns out they can fuck things over years later, with people they haven’t even met.”

“Yeah, that’s some fucking talent.” Remus scoffed.

“Right? Only talent they’ve got, spreading their fucking poison around.” Sirius bit their lip, heaving a sigh before they dunked their head under the water for a moment. They scraped their hair back from their face when they emerged, the remnants of their makeup over the tops of their cheeks.

Remus reached for the cloth on the side of the tub and held it out to Sirius. “You’re a good sibling, you know?”

Sirius laughed as they took the cloth and rubbed it over their face. “I’m a fucking mess.”

“Well, we are all a bit messy, but Sirius, you really are trying so hard to be there for him.” Remus shook his head then moved closer to them, taking the cloth from their hands to get the rest of the makeup.

Sirius paused, tilting their chin up as they shifted closer too, their eyes fluttering closed. “My skin is gonna be so mad at me for sleeping in my makeup.”

“Avoidance of a topic, at its finest,” Remus muttered before tilting their chin to press a kiss to their lips.

“Wow, Remus.” Sirius murmured before kissing him back softly. “Call me out, why don’t you?”

Remus laughed lightly before moving back against the tub, pulling Sirius with him. “Someone has to do it.”

Sirius shifted, settling in Remus’ lap with their hands on his shoulders. “I’m glad it’s you.”

“No one else could do it.” Remus closed his eyes, resting his head on their shoulder. “I mean it, you’re a good sibling.”

“Thank you, caro. That’s—that’s nice to hear.”

“I want to like him, you know? I feel like a fucking arsehole.” Remus lifted his head.

“He’s a good kid, Remus… he wants to get on with you too… he was asking about you and what you liked and all that…” Sirius lifted their hand to brush Remus’ hair away from his face.

“I promise I’ll try, you know? Where is he staying?” Remus rubbed their back. “With the Potters still?”

“Yeah. He’s staying in their spare room…. Seems like that’s what runaway Black siblings do, stay with a Potter.” 

“They’re the best people.” Remus smiled. “If you want him here… Sirius, I, I don’t want to stop that.”

Sirius shook their head minutely. “He has space there with them. I just… I don’t know, I realised how much I missed him no matter how hard it was being around him.”

Remus nodded again. “Okay.” Remus kissed their shoulder once more. “I feel like I’m turning into a dried piece of fruit.”

Sirius pulled back, frowning a little. “Remus, what the  _ fuck _ ? That might be the weirdest thing you’ve ever said.”

“From the bath! We’ve been in here for a bit and my hands are all pruney.” He laughed.

“You could have just  _ said _ prune. Like, why are you trail mix? What the fuck?”

Remus couldn’t stop laughing. “I don’t know, I’ve lost my mind, oh god.”

Sirius sniggered, their shoulders shaking. “Remus fucking  _ trail mix _ Lupin, what the fuck? We’re both fucking mad.”

“Just an FYI, I fucking hate trail mix.” Remus nudged them.

“What?” Sirius’ eyebrows shot up. “How do you hate trail mix? You’re a  _ climber _ aren’t you guys meant to live on shit like that? That Alex Honnold diet video I watched  _ lied _ to me.”

“I only like the chocolate bits.” Remus shrugged.

“Yes… that doesn’t surprise me. If I ever buy trail mix and all the chocolate is gone I’m gonna be really mad.” Sirius smiled, brushing Remus’ hair back again.

“It should be expected, really.” Remus kissed their cheek. “Come on, let’s get out, please.”

“Okay. Can we get into bed?”

“Sure.” Remus agreed as Sirius stood up.

Sirius grabbed their towel, stepping out and wrapping it around them before they passed Remus his. Sirius gave themselves a cursory glance in the mirror, puffing out their cheeks, before scraping their wet hair up into a ponytail.

“What was that huff?” Remus asked as he patted himself dry.

“I just look like shit today. Don’t really…” Sirius trailed off, shrugging a little. “I dunno, don’t like looking at my face right now.”

“I love your face.” Remus wrapped the towel around his waist.

“I’m glad someone does, I guess,” Sirius said dryly.

“Hey,” Remus said as he pulled them closer.

“Hi, caro,” Sirius smiled, sliding their arms around his neck.

“You’re beautiful, okay? Everything about you.” Remus kissed them slowly, hand on their neck.

Sirius hummed, kissing back, pressing a little closer.

“Come on, let’s go have a cuddle, huh?” Remus pulled back slightly, not wanting to be too far from Sirius.

“Mm, yes please.” Sirius kissed him lightly before pulling back. They took Remus’ hand, pulling him through towards the bedroom.

They got to the bedroom and Remus tossed his towel in the hamper before crawling into bed. He wasn’t tired, somehow, he wanted to stay awake and just keep talking to Sirius. They were  _ talking _ and it was nice. It was getting better.

Sirius crawled into bed next to Remus, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “Feel like I’ve not seen you for so long.”

“I know.” Remus pulled them against him. “I went to bed before you every night then you were already gone most mornings this last week. Then when we were together…”

“Yeah, surprise surprise Sirius works a lot when they’re trying to pretend everything is fine.” Sirius cuddled closer, kissing his shoulder again. “Feel like we weren’t really together though we were in the same space… But you’re here, now.”

“You too.” Remus rubbed their arm. “I kept staring at my lock screen of us kissing in front of the amphitheater in Fiesole like you were lost in war or something.” Remus scoffed. “Yet, you were in bed here every night.”

Sirius sniffed. “We were so happy.”

“Can we just fuck right back off to Florence?” Remus laughed softly.

“That would be nice, wouldn’t it?” Sirius smiled, their hand going to Remus’ chest.

Remus couldn’t believe he almost asked Sirius to marry him, and then this all happened. “Remember when you were commenting on the statues’ penises and that old lady was so scandalized. I thought we were going to get kicked out of the Uffizi.”

“Me too!” Sirius grinned, shaking their head. “We both know everyone was just  _ thinking _ David had a small dick, but no one wanted to say it.”

“You announced it loudly.” Remus chuckled.

“Someone  _ clapped _ , Remus, they agreed with me.”

“Oh god, I know.” He shook his head. “I didn’t think you could get more ridiculous, yet…”

Sirius bit their lip. “I spent a lot of my time when I was younger not being able to say what I wanted, I guess? You made me feel like I could say what I wanted.”

“I’m glad you do, I love it.” Remus gave them a peck on the lips.

“Mm, I love you.” Sirius propped themselves on one elbow, leaning back in to kiss him again.

“I love you too, Sirius.” He put his hand on their cheek and kissed them firmly.


	13. Chapter 13

Remus’ birthday was in three days. Sirius was about to lose their mind over it.

Sirius was trying to put together a lovely night for Remus with all of their friends. Remus and Sirius had been getting on better. It was easier now they had their space and a little more time together. Sirius saw Reggie a lot, and they were getting closer and closer. Sirius felt like they were slowly getting Remus back, too. His birthday seemed important, though, as if it was make and break for them, Sirius needed to give him a really wonderful night.

Their current plan was dinner at the tapas place Remus and Sirius went to on their first date, then to the jazz bar for drinks. Sirius hoped they would have a good night and things might finally slot back into place for them. Sirius had booked the tapas place and made a group chat and tried to get everyone on board for spoiling Remus the one day of the year he would let them do so. 

Sirius set their phone down on the table, sighing. Remus’ present would be here in time, thank god. “How’s work going, Reggie?”

“Fine, I like everyone I work with.” Regulus smiled, picking at his pizza. “How’s things with Remus?”

“Glad you like everyone, kid.” Sirius nibbled at their pizza crust. “It’s—we’re fine, I think. It’s slow, but it’s okay. His birthday party will help, I think.”

“Are you sure… he wants me there?” Regulus made a face.

“You’re part of the friend group now, Reg. I’m not excluding you.” Sirius rubbed a hand over their face. They didn’t want their boyfriend and brother not to get on.

“Well I got him a gift either way.” Regulus shrugged. “Hope he likes it.”

“Did you?” Sirius grinned. “What did you get him?”

“It’s this shirt with a bunch of authors on it, including Austen, all done up like punks or glam rock. On the back there’s a Wilde quote about resistance. I thought he’d like it because he’s into the classics and you said that leather jacket was his. I still don’t believe he used to be a punk, but whatever,” Regulus explained to Sirius with a smile.

“Oh! He’ll love that, Reggie. I didn’t believe he was a punk until I saw the photos.” Sirius smiled; oh god, now it felt like they had to get Remus something else for his birthday too, their gift felt sort of shitty all of a sudden.

“Maybe I’ll be in his good graces after, eh? I really want to get on with him, you know? Be at least friendly, if not friends.”

“Me too. I want you to get on. I think he does too, you know… eventually.”

“Well, a new start and all that. Ah, so, what’d you get him?”

“Oh. Er—a first edition of Dorian Grey. It’s one of his favourites, you know? We saw our friend Kingsley in a performance of it a few months ago too.” Although now it felt crappy and over the top at the same time, like it wasn’t really Remus, it wasn’t sentimental or thoughtful, it was just A Book.

“That’s neat.” Regulus finished his pizza.

_ Neat. _ Neat wasn’t what Sirius was going for, at all.  _ Fuck! _ Okay, now they had to find something else for Remus too. Shit, shit, shit. “Mmhm,” they murmured, wishing they didn’t have class in a half hour and could have something stronger than soda with lunch.

“I need to get back to PureFit.” Regulus looked at his watch.

“Alright. See you on Friday?” Sirius stood up, itching now to get finished with their own classes so they could run home whilst Remus was on a late class and ransack the flat to try and find out what the hell they could get Remus. His birthday gift for Sirius was so damn thoughtful and funny and sweet for the two of them. Why couldn’t Sirius do that?

“Sure will, have a good rest of the week.” Regulus nodded.

Sirius skirted around the table and gave Reg a brief, awkward hug. It felt like they weren’t at handshakes but hugs weren’t there either. Regulus headed off back towards PureFit whilst Sirius caught the bus back towards Ascendence, already frantically googling gift ideas.

They found some amazing looking cologne that was based off of literary characters. On a whim between classes Sirius decided to buy the Mr. Darcy one after Remus’ love of Austen, only helped by the fact it was apparently sandalwood, oak and tea. That seemed pretty Remus… right? Sirius felt like they were losing their goddamn mind over Remus’ birthday. They only hoped the night would pay off.

Three days later; the night was  _ not _ paying off.

They were at the tapas place, and things were going okay for a moment, but when the waiter came over, he informed the group they didn’t have any draught beer, and they were out of all chorizo dishes, one of which happened to be Remus’ favourite. When Sirius had gotten home from work that day and told Remus they were going out for dinner, things had _ seemed _ wonderful, and Remus was excited to go out, but when they’d walked in to see everyone already sitting at the big table, Sirius got the distinct feeling Remus wasn’t  _ thrilled. _

Sirius was sat between Remus and Lily, and almost all of the gang were there. Regulus, James, Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, Frank, Alice and Peter. Mary had to stay home because Rowena, their little girl, was ill, and they couldn’t get a babysitter. Sirius was on their second glass of red wine because the tension in the air was so thick as the waiter walked off. It felt like Sirius was watching their plans all crumble around them and desperately trying to hold them up.

“GIFTS!” Marlene jumped up. “We should totally do gifts now.”

There was a flurry of movement as everyone produced gift bags. Sirius was so fucking nervous, it felt like they had no clue whether Remus would like anything they got him, and it felt so damn important.

“Ah, sure, I…” Remus looked at the gift bag Peter had forced into his hand. He pulled out a kitchen cutting board and laughed, his face a little flushed. “Chopin Bored. Great play on words, Peter.”

“Thank you, thank you. Mary tried to tell me no because you need more water now or something…” Peter shrugged as Remus pulled out some bath bombs and essential oils.

“Well, ah, thanks, I love it.” Remus tucked them all back in the bag.

Sirius watched Remus’ face, hoping he was having a good time. Next came Marlene and Dorcas’ gift, Marly grinning ear to ear as she handed Remus the bag and sat back down, practically wriggling in excitement.

“Oh dear god.” Remus flushed even more. “Marlene!”

Dorcas threw her hand up as Marlene cackled. “Listen, I tried to convince her I meant a  _ climbing _ one but she insisted on both.” Sirius frowned a little, glancing between Dorcas, Marlene and Remus. What?

“I like the climbing harness!” He held up the green harness. “It’s the other one… I’m not even taking that out of the bag.” Remus put the climbing one back in then shoved it towards Sirius.

Sirius took the bag, peering in to see the green climbing harness, but also another harness, shiny black leather and absolutely, definitely not made for climbing. Sirius felt their cheeks flush. They probably would’ve laughed it off except they and Remus hadn’t had sex—not counting the disaster when Reg walked in—since Florence and it didn’t look like it was on the horizon any time soon either.

“Marly, you have a one track mind!” Sirius called, shoving the bag down under the table with the rest.

“Oh! Spice it up you two.” She winked.

“Frank, Alice, please save me.” Remus looked to his oldest friend.

“Sure thing, sweetie.” Alice passed down their bag.

Sirius gave up on attempting to kick Marlene in the shin under the table and finished the rest of their wine instead. Lily nudged them in the side and topped up their wine as Remus opened his present.

“Ha! Oh my god!” Remus held up a white jumper with a black sleeve up to the neck and one of the cuffs were red. “Al, Frank, this is awesome.”

“Ah, yeah, my friend Edgar makes them!” Frank glanced around to the group. “It’s a replica of a jumper Johnny Rotten from the Sex Pistols wore during a really famous interview, I think the original was Vivienne Westwood or something; Edgar talked my ear off about it.”

Sirius was grateful for Frank’s interjection, because they were slightly confused why a jumper was so awesome?

“I love it, so much! Look, love, I can still be punk in my jumper.” He smiled at Sirius.

Sirius grinned back, reaching out to touch the sleeve. “Who knew? Punk  _ and _ jumpers? It’s perfect.” Oh  _ god _ , it was perfect. Christ, why were they so shit at gifts?

“Okay, next.” Remus put it back in the bag. “I’m totally wearing that tomorrow.”

Lily pulled an envelope from her handbag, passing it down to Remus. “It’s nothing big but we thought this was  _ very _ you. Happy birthday Moony.”

Remus opened the envelope. “Oh! Vouchers for the really good dessert place! This is brilliant. Thanks, you two.”

James grinned and raised his drink in a vague cheers. “Hope you enjoy it, mate.”

“Um, here you go.” Regulus held up his bag. He was all the way at the other end of the table, but the gift made its way to Remus. Sirius knew Remus would love the gift if it came from anyone else but they had a horrible feeling Remus wouldn’t like it, just because it was Reg. He said he wanted to get on with Sirius’ brother but things were still  _ very _ stilted between them all.

Remus pulled the grey t-shirt out and held it up. “AH! LOOK! IT’S PUNK AUSTEN! And others.”

Sirius had to take a moment at the tone of Remus’ voice as he turned the shirt around to show the rest of the table. As Reggie said, it was a t-shirt with punk illustrations of classic authors, it was  _ right _ up Remus’ alley, and he didn’t seem to care it was Reggie who bought it for him, either! Oh god, why did Sirius think he would dislike something just because it was Reg? Remus wasn’t like that at all.

“Regulus, thank you so much.” Remus smiled warmly down to him.

Regulus smiled back, scratching his ear as he glanced around the group, looking pleased. “You’re welcome. Happy, ah, happy birthday.”

“All right, love, come on.” Remus reached for his wine after setting aside the gift with the others.

Sirius managed a smile, running a hand through their hair before they picked up the gift bag, holding it out to Remus. Inside was the first edition of Dorian Grey, the Mr. Darcy cologne, and a box of chocolates. “Happy birthday, Rem.”

Remus gave them a peck on the cheek before taking the bag. The first thing that was pulled out was the chocolate. He grinned over at Sirius before reaching in again to retrieve the book. “Jesus Christ, Sirius… this is a first edition?”

“Yeah. Found it and thought you’d like…” Sirius bit their lip, wishing they’d done this at the flat, now. It felt too public. It felt like people were watching everything go badly.

“I love it… it’s just…” Remus smiled, shaking his head. “You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to. It’s your birthday after all.” Sirius shifted a little. Shit.

“And you got me something else. I would have been happy with the chocolate.” Remus laughed a little uncomfortably as he pulled out the cologne. “This is nice.” He looked at the bottle.

“Just saw it and thought of you, is all,” Sirius said softly.

Remus uncapped it and smelled the cologne. “Mmm, nice, I love it. Thank you, love.”

Sirius picked up their wine glass and took a big gulp of it. “You’re welcome… happy birthday.”

Remus grabbed their free hand and gave it a squeeze.

Thankfully, the waiter came out with their food a moment later and for a while there was a flurry of activity with everyone eating and drinking, although not chorizo or beer. Sirius drank their wine and ate patatas bravas and tried not to think how Remus might’ve been a million times happier if Sirius had done this  _ all _ different.

It all seemed  _ fine _ for a while, everyone had finished eating and drinking and Sirius was feeling quite tipsy with the wine. Instead of bringing out the dessert menu, though, the waiter came over with the biggest chocolate cake Sirius had  _ ever _ seen. They’d told the restaurant that it was Remus’ birthday because they were booking such a big table, but they had no idea they would bring out a fucking  _ cake _ .

Just as the waiter got towards the front of the table, they sort of did a toe pick and went falling forward. The cake flew into the air and landed on top of some poor man at the table next to them.

“Oh! Oh no!” Remus cringed.

Marly was screeching in her seat. Regulus and Peter were looking on with wide eyes. Alice put a hand over her mouth. James and Frank jumped up to help, somehow. Dorcas looked away. Lily patted Sirius’ hand. This was a disaster, Sirius thought as they put their head on the table. A huge, massive, ridiculous disaster.

Sirius took a deep breath, lifted their head from the table and downed the rest of their wine. “Excuse me,” they murmured, pushing their chair back and standing up.  _ I need to go scream into the void for a moment _ . Sirius didn’t look around the table as they slipped away towards the bathrooms. They made a beeline for a stall, locked it behind them, put their hands over their face and screamed.


	14. Chapter 14

Taking another sip of his wine, Remus looked around the table as his friends chatted away. This whole party was a bit much. He never celebrated his birthday much. There was no reason why, it just wasn’t a thing for him. Sirius seemed very concerned about it, so Remus just let them run with it without protest.

He wished he protested because the night was sort of shit. His gifts (minus Marlene’s) were all wonderful, but he hated opening them in front of the group. It was so awkward. Also the restaurant didn’t the food or drink he really wanted, but he got on. Sirius seemed to be getting drunk too, which was weird because it wasn’t like them. Then the waiter fell with the cake and they slipped away from the table. The whole night just felt off.

After a few minutes, Sirius emerged from the bathroom looking frazzled and flushed. They stumbled a bit as they got to the table. They were wearing a lovely floral bodysuit thing with a see-through flowy black long skirt, topped off with Remus’ jacket. As always, they looked gorgeous but pieces of their braided updo were falling out. It looked like they ran their hands through it.

“Hey, love, are you okay?” He asked quietly once Sirius sat down next to him.

Sirius nodded. “Yeah, fine… Sorry about the cake, though.”

“No worries.” Remus kissed them quickly. “Thank you for everything.”  _ Even if this is not what I wanted. _

“You’re welcome.” Sirius kissed back but it felt a fraction too late. “Happy birthday.”

Remus smiled.

They finished their wine then headed off to the jazz bar. James drove Remus’ car and everyone else went with Frank and Alice. Sirius was practically in Remus’ lap in the back of his Jeep. “I’m having a good time,” Remus assured Sirius because it felt like they were watching his reactions all night. It wasn’t the best time, but it wasn’t the worst…

They parked down the street from the jazz bar and the whole group made their way over, chatting and joking as they went. At the front door, James, who was leading the party, of course, got stopped by the staff. Remus picked his way to the front, Sirius hot on his heels.

“Sorry, sir,” the staff member was saying. “We’re closed for a private party tonight.”

Remus frowned, this was his favorite bar and he was looking forward to spending the rest of the night there. “That sucks.”

Sirius huffed and stepped up next to James. “It’s his  _ birthday _ ,” Sirius said, practically pleading with the staff by the sound of their voice.

“Love, it’s okay. We passed another bar that looked fine.” Remus put a hand on their shoulder. They weren’t getting in, what was the point of arguing?

James turned and looked between Sirius and Remus for a moment. Then, he took off to manage the rest of the  _ troops _ . “Alright! Let’s go round to BrewDog, it’s only just on that corner. That’s great, heard there’s some stellar beers there.”

Sirius bit their lip, glancing in to the jazz bar then back to Remus again before starting off after James and the rest of the group. Remus followed after them, hoping the bar would be just as fun. When they got inside, they claimed a corner area close to the bar, pushing tables together. Everyone but Sirius seemed to be in high spirits.

“Birthday boy, what are you having?” Peter asked him.

“Surprise me with a good beer.” Remus nodded at his friend.

“Shots?!” Marly shouted.

“Ah, sure,” Remus agreed, trying not to think about the last time he did shots with Marlene the other week.

Marlene, Peter and Sirius went off to the bar with the rest of the table’s orders while everyone else got settled. 

Dorcas sidled into the seat next to Remus. “Sorry about the fucking bondage harness, Moony. Marly wouldn’t drop the idea.”

“Yeah, that was only a tiny bit embarrassing, Jesus.” Remus watched Sirius already taking a shot with Marlene somehow. “Sirius seems…”

“I know, I know, the climbing harness is good though. Give me the other one back and I’ll return it to the store, if you like it.” Dorcas’ gaze followed over to the bar. “Sirius seems… drunk?”

Remus kind of wanted to keep the harness, he just didn’t want to open it in front of everyone. “Yeah, drunk. I don’t mind them drunk, but it seems like something is up. I thought we’ve been doing better this week.”

“Yeah, you said it was getting better… Nothing’s happened, that you know of?”

“No, we’ve really been talking and spending time together.” Remus and Sirius had spent their whole Saturday and Sunday in the flat just being together. They talked, there was some crying, a bit of shouting, but it was mostly good talking. And some kissing and cuddling. The last week had been good too. They were both trying, but tonight Sirius was being strange.

“That’s good, Moony, that’s really good.” Dorcas was still looking over at the bar. The three were coming back with two trays of drinks, two very lurid cocktails standing out, as well as a few shot glasses. “Do you need me to manufacture some way of getting the two of you to have a moment alone? I can think of something.”

“I mean… they’re really drunk, I don’t think it will matter.” Remus frowned again.

“Okay. Maybe they’re just… hoping everything goes well for your birthday?” Dorcas frowned, shuffling over as the table made room for the three, Peter passing a pint over towards Remus.

“Sure.” Remus took the pint with a smile. “Thanks, Pete.” He glanced over to see Sirius sipping on the orange cocktail that had been on the tray.

“Welcome, mate.” Peter took a sip of his own beer.

Dorcas put her hand on Remus’ shoulder. “It’ll be fine,” she said, shuffling around to make room for everyone.

A moment later, Sirius plopped themselves down next to Remus, already halfway through their cocktail. “This place will do, won’t it? No jazz, no piano, though.”

“Yeah, it’s totally fine, Sirius.” Remus patted their leg. “Ah, enjoying your cocktail? A Marly special?”

“Mmhm,” Sirius hummed, swirling the straw around. “I don’t remember what she said was in it but it tastes good. Want to try?” They stuck the straw out to him.

“Um, sure.” Remus took a sip, wincing as he swallowed the strong, sugary drink.

“Good, right?” Sirius said brightly, though they weren’t quite looking at Remus as they took another drink.

“Ah, yeah…” Remus watched them. This was not going to end well.

Which he was right about because Sirius got  _ hammered _ . Remus decided they needed to go home when Sirius had tried to drag Marly to the bar for shots but she refused. That was a Red Alert for Remus. James told him they’d drop his car off the next day, and Remus ushered them outside to wait for the Uber. They did stop to get his gifts because Sirius wouldn’t shut up about how they shouldn’t leave all his nice gifts in the car.

Sirius was preoccupied threading all the handles of the bags onto their wrists. “I’ll carry these. It’s your birthday, you don’t lift a finger.”

“Fine, okay.” Remus let Sirius do as they pleased, just wanting to get home now. They were more drunk than Remus had ever seen them. “Look! Our Uber.” Remus lead them to the waiting car, feeling relieved.

Sirius made overly-chatty conversation with the Uber driver, leaning forward in their seat and chewing their bottom lip between replies. Their hair had fallen out of the braid completely now and they had a look in their eyes that Remus thought didn’t suit the way they were chatting happily.

When the car finally came to a stop in front of their flat, Remus nearly had to carry Sirius up their stairs because they kept tripping. He held them up, opening the door then finally deposited them on the sofa, still holding on to the gifts.

“Oh yeah… great birthday.” Remus shook his head.

Sirius sniffed, looking through the gift bags. “Everyone got you such good presents.”

“Yeah, they did, huh?” Remus went to the kitchen to get some water for them.

“Everyone knows you so well. All these good presents.”

“Yeah, I loved Reg’s. That was thoughtful of him.” Remus filled a glass, talking over the faucet.

“My gift was shit, wasn’t it?” Sirius said conversationally.

Remus furrowed his brow as he went back out into the living room where Sirius was pulling out every single gift. “What? Your gifts were amazing. The book took me by surprise.”

“Oh. Was that the expression on your face? Surprise?”

“Yes, love, it was surprise.” He handed them water. “I was taken aback, it was probably expensive.”

“Does that matter? I thought you’d like it, is all.” Sirius took the water and gulped half the glass in one go. “I just wanted to make you happy.”

“I don’t need gifts to be happy.” Remus shrugged, staying standing.

“Are you happy?” Sirius looked up at him, their jacket falling off one shoulder, heels still on, hair loose around their shoulders now.

“I… yeah…” Remus felt like he was lying. He wasn’t completely unhappy, but he could have had a better night. Mostly because he didn’t want to be taking care of a drunk Sirius on his birthday.

Sirius slumped. “I tried so hard to give you a nice night.” They drank the rest of their water, setting the glass down heavily.

“Yeah, and I’m happy for that. Really, it was, um, thoughtful.” Remus took the glass again. Not that any amount of water was going to make Sirius sober any time soon. “I think I would have been happy just here with you making dinner, drinking wine, and watching a movie.”

Sirius blinked up at him. “I… you would?”

“Yeah, of course.” Remus licked his lips. This was so awkward, oh god. He would have rather been talking to Regulus all night.

Sirius nodded a few times, almost to themselves. “I really  _ tried _ . I wanted to make everything nice. I—I thought about the nice tapas place and the jazz bar because they’re two places you love and I was freaking out about gifts and everyone gave you such wonderful things and I was so worried because I felt like this would fix everything between us if I just gave you a good birthday and I  _ still _ got it wrong. I still fucked it up and now I’m fucking  _ drunk _ too because I could see everything going wrong and I got it so wrong.”

“Sirius, I think, maybe you should lie down? I love that you tried so hard for me. I think we should talk about this tomorrow.” Remus held out his hand. They couldn’t talk about any of this now, it wasn’t going to happen.

Sirius sniffed. “Okay.”

“Come on, let’s go to bed.”

Sirius followed him through to the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed to pull their heels off, sniffing again. 

Remus dug out an old shirt and some soft, silky bottoms for Sirius that they liked to wear when they weren’t feeling well. “Okay, here we go.” Remus turned back to them. They looked so pathetic, yet… adorable? He felt bad for everything going wrong tonight. Sirius just wanted him to be happy, and for them to be okay.

“Thank you,” Sirius mumbled, pulling off their clothes as much as they could whilst still sitting down. Eventually they managed to get into the shirt and bottoms before flopping back onto the bed with a groan.

“I’m going to get you more water.” Remus kissed their forehead. “Try to sleep.”

Sirius nodded, rolling onto their side but not saying anything else.

Remus went out to the kitchen, yawning. What a night, he thought as he filled the glass one more time. Sirius was really going to hate themselves the next morning. No one could drink like Marlene, and Sirius managed to drink more than her. As he walked back down the hall he heard the sound of choking in the bathroom,  _ fuck _ . “Sirius?”

The sound of the toilet flushing came a moment later. “I’m  _ fine _ ,” Sirius called, sounding distinctly not fine.

“Sirius, you’re getting sick.” Remus walked into the bathroom to find them sitting on the floor next to the toilet. “Oh, love.”

Sirius’ head lolled against the counter. “I’m sorry, Rem.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Remus sat down next to them. “Want this water?”

“Yes please,” Sirius said glumly.

Remus pressed the glass into their hands. “It’s okay.” Remus rubbed their arm.

Sirius nodded, and managed a weak smile before they turned back to the toilet to be sick again. Remus grabbed the glass, setting it aside before gathering Sirius’ long hair to hold it back, rubbing their back through it.


	15. Chapter 15

Sirius was dead. That was the only explanation to how they were feeling. They felt like death, they felt like the grim reaper had beaten the shit out of them and stamped on their head a few times. They groaned and rolled onto their front, burying their head under the pillows against the morning light.

Oh  _ god _ , they had fucked up so much last night. They had been so worried that Remus was having an awful night, so panicked over the gifts and the lack of food and drink at the restaurant and the  _ cake _ and then the  _ jazz bar _ , that they had drank themselves stupid to try and get over how nervous they felt. In the end that had only made Remus’ night worse because he had to see out his birthday holding back Sirius’ hair over the toilet.

Sirius groaned into the pillows, rubbing their hand over their eyes.

“Morning, love.” Remus put a hand on their back. “You alive?”

“No,” Sirius mumbled. “I’m dead from cocktails, and embarrassment.”

“Oh, Sirius.” Remus laughed a little next to them.

“I fucked up your birthday. I’m sorry, Rem.” Sirius turned their head towards his voice, closing one eye against the light.

“Yeah, it wasn’t great, but there’s no need to be so freaked out about it. It’s fine.” Remus offered a smile.

“It felt like an important night, to say that I was trying and wanted to make everything work. Everything that could’ve gone wrong  _ did _ go wrong.”

“You showed you’re trying, you did before the party. I don’t need all that stuff to see that you’re here with me, right? Things have been better since we talked last weekend, right?” Remus kissed their cheek.

Sirius hummed. That was true, but it still felt like they had just got a hold of all the wrong ideas. “Yeah… I should’ve just suggested dinner and a bottle of wine with the two of us, shouldn’t I?” They rubbed a hand over their face, wincing.

“Maybe, yeah… I appreciate the thought of what you tried to do last night. I’m just not big on my birthday.”

“I get that now.” Sirius let their eyes shut, sighing.

“Stop worrying yourself over it, Sirius, okay?” Remus asked them.

Sirius bit their lip, nodding. “Okay, I’ll try.”

“I love that cologne, so much, by the way.” Remus scooted closer to Sirius.

“Yeah?” Sirius smiled, feeling the tension in their chest loosen a little. “It smells good, doesn’t it?”

“Mmmhmm, it’ll remind me of you when I wear it too.”

Sirius rolled onto their side, looking over at Remus, the little smile on his face. If Remus could still love them after they fucked up, then things would be okay. “I like that idea,” Sirius said softly, smiling wider.

“That’s why you get people a cologne or perfume, right? It’s fairly romantic, I think.” Remus pressed a kiss to their lips.

“Mm, you big sap.” Sirius felt like their whole body was breathing a sigh of relief—if it weren’t for the banging headache. “I’m so glad.”

“The rest of my gifts were good too.” Remus yawned. “I was going to use that harness Marly got me… well… see if you’d use it, I guess but you were a bit too drunk last night.”

Sirius peered at Remus for a moment before groaning loudly. “Oh for gods sake! That would’ve been a much better night, for fucks sake… but I had to go and catastrophise and get drunk…”

“Yeah, would have been a better night, huh?” Remus teased them. “You’ll probably look good in it.”

“Mm,” Sirius managed, blinking a little. God, they needed a gallon of water and a shower but their body was already stirring. “I think so too.”

“Too bad you were drunk last night,” Remus said lightly, pushing himself out of bed. “Coffee?”

Sirius cleared their throat. “Yes please.”

Remus went off to the kitchen, leaving Sirius sprawled out in bed.

Sirius groaned again, rubbing their hands over their face and pushing themselves to sit up properly. Somehow, despite everything, Remus was still smiling and teasing.

Coffee fixed almost everything. Sirius drank what must’ve been their weight in both coffee and water and they and Remus ate a big bowl of fruit and then Remus leaned over and kissed Sirius on the mouth. Sirius hummed into the kiss, taken by surprise, and pushed the empty bowl out of the way to shift closer.

“Hmm, you should… maybe look at the harness.” Remus smirked before kissing them again.

Sirius leaned into the kiss, eyes widening a little. They kissed him back for a moment before pulling back. “Yeah?”

Remus nodded then nipped at their bottom lip. “Yeah.”

“Ah, okay, okay.” Sirius wanted to move but they didn’t want to stop kissing Remus, their hands skating over his shoulders and down his arms, trying to commit him back to memory.

“Go ahead, Sirius.” Remus chuckled. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Sirius nodded, pulling back and kneeling up and shoving their hair back from their face with one hand. They looked Remus over, smiling, his posture relaxed, lying back against the pillows. God, he was so beautiful. Sirius leaned forward, pecking his lips again before going to the pile of Remus’ gift bags, finding Marlene’s present.

“You still have those leg ones too?” Remus asked, following after them into the living room.

“Er—” Sirius straightened up, looking at the harness. In typical Marly fashion, it was actually amazing quality and looked to be really beautiful. It was pretty obvious it was meant for Sirius too. Marly knew Sirius had some stuff for pole costume purposes. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure I have.”

“Maybe those too?”

Sirius nodded, eyes flickering between Remus and the harnesses’ row of buckles. Sometimes it felt like they could get whiplash whenever Remus came onto them like this, it felt like it was out of nowhere sometimes but Sirius could keep up, they never wanted to turn down Remus when he was like this. “Yeah, yeah.” Sirius took his hand, pulling him back into the bedroom and over to the dresser.

“Great.” Remus took a seat on the bed.

“Yeah?” Sirius smiled, feeling like things were slotting back together again, normal for a moment with Remus looking at them like that. “Okay, close your eyes then. Just pretend it’s still your birthday and this is your  _ real _ present.”

Remus smiled then flopped back onto the bed, covering his eyes with his hands. “Ah, I love my other gifts but this might just outdo them.”

Sirius laughed, glancing over at Remus before slipping out of their pyjamas. The harness Marlene had given Remus had six or so thin leather straps that sat around the waist, and one strap that crossed them all, joining to a collar. Sirius pulled it on, grateful for Marlene and the fact she’d managed to find something not overtly masculine or feminine—obviously it was for Sirius,  _ for _ Remus. They turned in the mirror to do up the buckles, glancing back over to the bed to make sure Remus still wasn’t looking. 

“Keep your eyes closed,” Sirius said, crossing to pick up the leg harness they’d bought for a pole routine a year or so ago. It looked a lot like a garter belt, just with more leather and o-rings and less lace and elastic, which Sirius preferred a lot more, with straps that reached down to around mid-thigh and a strip that sat just below the bottom strap of the other harness, snug around their waist.

“I’m being very good,” Remus said from the bed.

Sirius glanced over to him, grinning as they looked in the mirror. The leather looked good against Sirius’ pale skin. They ran a hand through their hair, trying to decide if it would look better up or down. It looked good either way. Sirius bit their lip, scraping their hair up into a messy bun, plenty of pieces falling out around their face and neck but they didn’t bother to try and fix it. “The real question is, do you want to unwrap your present or just have it how it is?”

“Oh Christ, I don’t know…” Remus groaned.

Sirius laughed, turning back to the bed. If they put any clothes on over the top of this in all likelihood they would be back on the floor in a few seconds, so it seemed unnecessary. They looked at Remus for a moment, grinning at him lying there with his hands over his eyes. “Okay, here you go, then,” Sirius said, standing at the end of the bed with a smirk.

Pushing himself up quickly, Remus opened his eyes. “Shit. Sirius, this might be a thing.” He gaped at them, eyes trailing over their body.

Sirius bit their lip, running their fingers over the edge of the leather, up the centre strip to the collar. “Might it?”

He nodded, still staring. “I don’t even know what I want to do with you.”

“Oh.” Sirius smiled, struck suddenly with an idea. “Well, you think on that. I just need to go and get something.”

“Ah, right, sure.” Remus was still looking at them intently.

Sirius turned and walked out of the bedroom, knowing their arse looked  _ great _ . Grinning to themselves, they hurried into the living room to find their bag, never more grateful for the fact Reg  _ wasn’t _ on the sofa and the front door was locked and James didn’t have a sodding key. In the reflection of the mirror in the hallway, Sirius put on Remus’ favourite deep red lipstick, which was on the coffee table for some reason, then, smiling to themselves, pulled on their favourite heels with the silver toecaps and then thought,  _ fuck it _ . They shrugged on Remus’ old leather jacket from the back of the sofa; if they were going all in, then they would go  _ all in _ .

Sirius leaned against the doorframe of the bedroom door, one hand on their hip. “Decided yet?”

“Ah…” Remus’ mouth was hanging open, flush creeping up his neck.

Their heels clicked on the floor as they crossed to the end of the bed. “I’m guessing that’s a no?”

Remus shook his head. “Fucking hell, Sirius.”

“Yes, caro?” Sirius couldn’t keep the grin off their face as they climbed onto the bed and knelt up. They felt like they would do anything to get Remus to look at them like this.

“You look… fucking hell, Marlene was right again.” He shook his head.

“Hey hey, it’s not all Marlene. Although this is pretty, isn’t it?” Sirius tugged the jacket out of the way, glancing down at the harness sitting around their waist. “I think it suits me.”

“Shit, yes.” Remus reached out and ran a finger down the strap on their chest.

Sirius shuddered a little, watching Remus’ hand. “Yeah? Which bit’s your favourite?”

“All of it?” Remus’ hand continued down to the straps at their waist.

“That’s not a legit answer,” Sirius teased, eyes flickering between Remus’ hand and his face, smiling at the look in his eyes.

“This is great, but… the leg thing… I really love your legs and it makes your arse look somehow better.” Remus’ hands went for their thighs.

Sirius grinned, shifting so they were sitting instead of kneeling, stretching their legs out to the side. “Mm is that why you like my thigh highs, too?”

“Yeah.” Remus’ fingers trailed down their thighs. “Take off the jacket.”

Obliging, Sirius sat up straighter and shrugged off the jacket, letting it slide down off their shoulders, slipping out one arm and then the other. They leaned over to drop the jacket on the floor out of the way, rolling onto their front as they did.

“Jesus.” Remus’ hand immediately came to rest on their arse.

“You think my arse looks good like this, then?” Sirius murmured, glancing over their shoulder as they pushed onto their forearms, back arching. Sirius didn’t need to be able to see to know they looked good like this, pale skin and black leather. 

“Yes.” Remus pressed a kiss to the small of their back. “Sirius, you’re going to kill me.”

“Not too soon, I hope.” Sirius wriggled their hips, grinning.

“No, not to soon.” Remus nipped at their bottom.

“This morning, at least, mmm?” Sirius murmured, shifting their knees a little further apart.


	16. Chapter 16

This was heaven. It had to be. The night before was so damn messy, and Sirius had been so stressed. But that was a million miles away, along with all the other stuff they’d been dealing with.  _ This _ . This was something else. Something that made Remus’ brain go haywire and he couldn’t think properly with Sirius looking like that in a harness and the thigh thing and the lipstick and heels….

“Right, this morning, yeah.” Remus kissed the flesh he had just nipped at. He settled in between Sirius’ legs. He still wasn’t sure what the fuck he wanted to do. He couldn’t think.

Sirius shifted to let him, one of their legs coming up to rub over Remus’ side. They hummed softly, glancing back over their shoulder at Remus again. “Alright there, caro?”

“Mmmhmm.” Remus sat back, giving them a sharp tap to their arse. “I think you should get yourself ready.”

Sirius jumped at the tap, laughing a little and letting their head drop forward between their arms. “Mmm?” They rolled over onto their side, one leg bent a little. “Where do you want me?”

“Um, I don’t know. God, I can’t think.” Remus reached for the lube.

Sirius huffed a little laugh before rolling over and crawling up the bed a little. They stayed on their hands and knees, arching their back like a cat for a moment. “I’ve broken you, haven’t I?”

“Yeah.” Remus bit his lip, handing the bottle to Sirius.

“Good,” Sirius murmured, shifting their weight to one hand so they could take the bottle. “You paying attention?” they asked, reaching back with slick fingers to press over themselves.

“Oh god, yes.” Remus wasn’t sure what to look at. Sirius’ fingers, or their reflection in the mirror.

Sirius groaned, back arching, hips pushing towards their own touch as they slid one finger in. Their eyes fluttered shut for a moment before they opened again, watching Remus in the mirror. Remus smiled for a moment then moved to run a hand up Sirius’ thigh, fingering over one of the straps. They looked so fucking good, it was almost insane.

“You know, you could wear these under a skirt.” Remus smirked.

“Ah,” Sirius chuckled, moving their finger. “I could. I reckon you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off me, though.”

“Can I ever?” Remus watched Sirius’ fingers for a moment.

Sirius shook their head, moaning softly as a shiver ran up their spine. “My fingers never feel as good as yours, you know. I love your fingers, god.”

“It’s only because you have a thing for my hands.” Remus kissed the small of Sirius’ back again, his fingers ghosting over Sirius’ thighs.

“Ah, so what if I do?” Sirius’ chin dropped down towards their chest, stilling for a moment when Remus leaned in before pushing their hips back.

Remus didn’t answer, he just pressed another kiss, one finger grazing over Sirius’ balls. Sirius shivered, twisting their wrist a little as they eased the tip of a second finger into their arse. He chuckled as he watched Sirius in the mirror, lip between their teeth. His finger came up to trace around Sirius’ entrance.

Sirius groaned, their hips canting back towards Remus. “You’re a—a fucking bastard,” Sirius choked out, their fingers moving a little faster.

“But, Sirius, it’s  _ my birthday _ .” Remus smirked and pressed his finger into Sirius.

“Oh god, fuck.” Sirius sank down from their hand onto their elbow, their fingers stuttering for a moment. “Ah, you can do whatever you want, then, god.”

“Whatever I want? God, that will take days.” Remus worked his fingers in time with Sirius’, reaching his other hand around to grip the base of their cock.

“Shit,” Sirius hissed, shuddering again. “Yeah, whatever you want,  _ fuck _ . When you make me feel like this I’ll do whatever the fuck you want, Remus,  _ fuck _ .”

Remus missed this, the two of them like this. Even the other week when they were  _ trying _ , it wasn’t the same. This was different. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Sirius.” They moaned, trying to lift their hips back towards Remus for  _ more _ . “Want me to fuck you?” Remus asked, probably the dumbest question he could at the moment.

“Yes. Fucking god I want you inside me, fuck.”

Remus eased his finger out, sitting back a little. “Okay.” He quickly tossed his shirt aside and went to getting out of his bottoms.

Sirius made what could only be described as a whimper, their knees sliding apart a little as they sank into the bed for a moment, trying to catch their breath. “Fuck.”

“I haven’t even fucked you yet and you’re a wreck.” Remus squeezed their leg, looking at Sirius in the mirror.

Sirius took a few breaths, the harness shifting a little with the movement, before they glanced up through the hair falling into their eyes, meeting Remus’ gaze in the mirror. Watching him, deep red bottom lip caught between their teeth, Sirius shifted their legs, stretching them out either side of them into the splits.

“Oh, fuck.” Remus breathed. “Shit, okay.”

Sirius pointed their toes, wiggling their hips a little. “How’s my arse look like this?” they said with a smirk, their voice sounding a little hoarse.

“Fucking — oh god.” Remus shook his head, scrambling up the bed so he could get closer. “Fucking amazing.”

“Oh good,” Sirius said breathlessly, leaning forward onto their elbows, reaching up with one hand to snag the tie in their hair, pulling it to let the inky strands fall around their shoulders. They shot Remus a smirk over their shoulder. “Fuck it then, would you?”

“Sirius!” Remus practically squawked then shook his head, giving their arse a slap.

Sirius yelped, the teasing note gone from their voice all of a sudden as their back arched, pressing their hips down. “Oh shit.”

Remus took himself in his hand, pressing the head of his cock against Sirius. “You’re a brat.”

“Ah, f—” Sirius’ breath hitched, one hand clenching in the bedsheets. “You love it,” they murmured, pushing back towards Remus’ cock as much as they could in their current position.

“Shit.” Remus sank into Sirius, his head tipping forward. “Fuck, I do.”

Sirius gave a long moan, their elbows sliding a little further away, their back stretching out before Remus. Remus took a second to just feel Sirius around him, his head spinning a bit. He moved his hips back nearly pulling out before thrusting hard back into Sirius then stilling his hips.

“You’re so good, Sirius.”

“Ah!” Sirius’ whole body shuddered around Remus. “Jesus fu—god, shit.”

Remus moved his hips slowly again then hard into them. “I could just stay here.”

Sirius’ fingers clenched in the bedsheets, letting out a sharp little breath. “ _ Fuck _ , Remus, fuck, I— _ fuck _ .”

He slid nearly out once more before snapping his hips. “Is there something you want, Sirius?”

“Oh shit,” Sirius groaned, shivering again as Remus hit their prostate. “God, fuck—fuck me.”

Remus repeated the movement two more times before stopping again. “Isn’t that what I’m doing?” His chest was heaving and he was amazed with the control that he had at the moment.

Sirius arched their back, moaning happily as Remus moved, cutting themselves off with a groan when he stopped again. “Ahh, no,  _ properly _ . Stop teasing, Rem, god. You feel so good.”

“What’s properly?” Remus nearly pulled out once more.

“Remus!” Sirius’ breath hitched again. “You know what properly is, I— _ fuck _ . Stop pausing.  _ Please _ , fuck.”

“And do what?” Remus’ hand went up to hold Sirius’ hair.

“God, shit.” Sirius reached back to hold onto Remus’ arm. ‘Stop playing around and fu—fuck me,  _ please _ .”

“Of course, princess.” Remus laughed, moving his hips a bit quicker, but still slowly. “Like this.” He looked to the mirror to watch them.

Sirius had their head thrown back, lip caught between their teeth. “Yeah, fuck,  _ faster _ oh god Remus, come  _ on _ .”

“Manners, you’ve — fuck, you’ve lost them.” Remus kept at his steady pace, everything inside of him was screaming to just  _ go _ .

“In present fuck—fucking company, yeah. You don’t—come on, faster, Remus,  _ please _ .”

Remus finally gave in, holding tight to Sirius and fucking them properly. “Shit, like this?”

Sirius practically sobbed, fingers digging into Remus’ arm, shuddering. “Oh fuck,  _ fuck _ , oh god, I’m so—”

“What?” Remus panted, driving into Sirius over and over and over. He couldn’t stop watching them in the mirror as he pulled their hair just a little bit.

“Ah, oh shit, I’m so close,” Sirius blurted out, their eyes clenched shut, their throat bobbing above the collar every time they swallowed, trying to breathe or get words out. “Fuck, touch me, please.”

The hand that was on their waist slipped under Sirius to wrap around their cock. “Go ahead, Sirius, come.”

Sirius moaned sharply, breath hitching again, their whole body tightening beneath Remus. “Oh my—fuck, fuck, Remus—” 

Remus kept the pace, driving Sirius over the edge even though he wasn’t close to climax himself. He loved watching Sirius this way, he had since they started to sleep together, back when Remus was all cautious.

Sirius came with a loud moan, clenching around Remus. In the mirror Remus could see their face at the height of pleasure, teeth sunk into their lower lip, the tops of their cheeks flushed, pink crawling down their throat and the tops of their shoulders.

Remus slowed his thrusts and his hand, leaning down to kiss Sirius’ shoulders. “Hmmm, you’re so fucking sexy, I can’t stand it.”

“Ohhh, god fuck.” Sirius turned their head towards Remus, smiling contently. “God you’re something else. Just—god, you…” They trailed off, panting hard.

He leaned up to kiss them soundly on the lips. “Mmm, you too.”

Sirius made a noise as the movement shifted Remus’ cock inside them. “Ahh, god you could just—could just stay there. Fuck, god…”

“Ha, hmm, sounds nice but I sort of want to come too.” Remus nipped at their bottom lip, moving his hips a little again.

“Ah, mm, let me help with that.” Sirius made another soft noise, pushing up a little. “Let me move, I want to see you.”

Remus carefully pulled out and sat back. “Okay.”

Sirius sat up, drawing their legs together before rolling over onto their front. “Oh god look at you,” Sirius murmured, crawling forward and into Remus’ lap as he was kneeling, their knees either side of his. 

Remus looped his arms around them, pulling them closer for a kiss. “Me? Look at you.” He ran a hand up their back.

“Mm, you get this look in your eye, god,” Sirius said, pecking Remus’ lips before pulling back, taking Remus’ other hand in theirs, swirling their tongue over his fingers.

“Shit.” Remus moaned at the feeling of Sirius’ tongue. “You really do have a thing for my hands.”

Sirius nodded, half smiling. They shifted their weight forward, wrapping their legs around Remus’ back, grinding against him. “Mmmhm, they’re so sexy,” Sirius murmured between laving their tongue over Remus’ fingers.

“Oh fuck, Sirius.” Remus wanted to be back inside them  _ now _ .

“Mmm?” Sirius had a mischievous look in their eyes, rolling their hips forward again so Remus’ cock pressed against their entrance. Their pink tongue swirled over Remus’ knuckles and the sticky fluid there.

“You’re… ah, you’re teasing now.” Remus rocked his hips up, watching Sirius carefully.

Sirius’ eyelids fluttered, their breath hot on Remus’ fingers. They nipped at the pad of his finger before letting go of his hand and leaning back on their hands, their hips still pressed down against Remus’. With a smirk, Sirius lifted one leg then the other, hooking them over Remus’ shoulders. “Go on then.”

“Yeah, you’re — ah, you’re going to kill me.” Remus let out a long moan as he sank back into Sirius.


	17. Chapter 17

Sirius dropped their head back, groaning as Remus pushed into them again. There was a look Remus got whenever Sirius found a reason to be flexible that Sirius would kill for. They had one hand braced back on the bed and the other ran fingers through Remus’ hair as they panted softly.

“God, you feel so good.”

Remus lifted Sirius up, meeting them back down with a thrust into them. “Shit, fuck…”

Now that Sirius wasn’t desperate to come, they were more concerned in making Remus lose his mind. Moaning softly, Sirius ran their nails through Remus’ hair, letting him guide them, moving with him to get him as deep as possible. “Ah, Remus, god.”

Remus’ thrusts became harder and faster. “Oh god, Sirius, you’re… oh fuck…”

Sirius arched their back, pressing into Remus to meet him, feeling the buckles of the harness pressing into their thighs and digging in a little above their waist. “Yeah, come on Rem, come in me caro.”

Remus reached up and held on to the strap on their chest, moving his hips desperately fast and making the best noises. “Oh god, shit… Sirius.” He came with a loud moan, holding tight to Sirius.

“Ah, oh you feel so good,” Sirius breathed, their hand trailing down Remus’ arm to grip his wrist holding onto them. Even though Sirius had only come a handful of minutes ago, Remus inside them, holding onto them, made Sirius’ body stir a little again. Sirius rocked their hips against Remus’, coaxing him through his orgasm, adoring the look on his face.

“That was… that… shit…” Remus panted, his hips stilling.

Sirius slid one leg from Remus’ shoulder, sinking down a little. They had a vague feeling the harness was a success. “Fucking hell.”

“You could say that again. Jesus.” Remus kissed their chest near the harness’ strap.

“Not Jesus, caro,  _ Sirius _ .” They grinned, wrapping their arms around Remus’ shoulders. Sirius didn’t think they’d  _ ever _ had sex like that, been that desperate for Remus and wanting to do as he said so much. The last time someone had pulled their hair Sirius had all but punched the guy in the nose, but with Remus? It was so different.

“That was… what the fuck was that?” Remus laughed in disbelief.

“Apparently Mr. Lupin likes leather,” Sirius teased, grinning as they shifted their other leg from Remus’ shoulder and gingerly moved off of him to sprawl out on the bed, smiling up at him.

“Correction, I like  _ you _ in leather.” Remus moved to lay next to them.

Sirius smiled, their heart aching with how much they loved him. “That makes me never want to take this off.”

“Sirius, I’ll never achieve a thing. If when I don’t want it, I’ll still be thinking about how good you look.” Remus chuckled.

“Which bit do you like best, if you  _ had _ to choose. The leg one or the chest one,” Sirius asked, stretching their legs out with a soft noise of satisfaction, their fingers trailing absently over the straps around their waist.

“That’s not a fair question. I don’t think I can answer it.” Remus shook his head. “I like them both and don’t tell me it’s not a legit answer!”

“Of course you like both,” Sirius said indulgently. “You’re bi.” 

“I’ve told you, it’s impossible to make me choose between some things. This is one of them.” Remus smiled over at them.

“You know what I think would look good?” Sirius was only just catching their breath, one leg bent a little. 

“Do I dare ask?” Remus raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to just tell me either way.”

“No no,” Sirius said haughtily, tipping their chin up. “If you don’t want to know, caro, I won’t tell you.”

“That’s fine. We should have lunch,” Remus said lightly.

Sirius laughed. “Okay. What do you fancy?” Sirius ran their hand through their hair, pushing it back from their face as they sat up.

Remus paused then furrowed his brow. “Oh god, just tell me, what would look good?”

“Oh? Okay, sure.” Sirius bit their lip, smiling. They leaned over and kissed Remus lightly. “My red silk shirt, with this over the top.” They gestured to the harness, tracing their fingers over the collar.

“Yeah… Yeah that would be — yeah.” Remus nodded dumbly.

“Mmmhm,” Sirius agreed. “Especially with a couple of hickeys. I think they would go well.” Sirius kissed him again, slipping off the bed and cracking their back. “And then, I was thinking, depending on where we were going of course, my leather skirt would look  _ really _ nice with the leg harness, don’t you think?”

Remus stared at them again with an open mouth.

“Hmm, I thought so.” Sirius padded to the dresser, shrugging on the large white t-shirt before going down the hallway towards the kitchen.

“Brat!” Remus called after them.

“I love you, caro!” Sirius called, getting a glass of water at the sink.

“Get back here!” Remus yelled again.

Sirius shook their head, grinning as they started back towards the bedroom, sipping their water. At the doorway they raised an eyebrow. “Yes, my love?”

“Stop playing coy and get your arse back in bed.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“Manners!” Sirius put their water down on the side before setting their hands on their hips, standing at the edge of the bed. 

Remus grabbed their shirt and pulled them down onto the bed again.

Sirius laughed, kissing Remus again. God, okay, Remus really  _ did _ like them in leather.

The best part of an hour later, Sirius was still trying to catch their breath, curled up against Remus. The harness was undone on the bed next to them but they could see where the collar had sat thanks to an  _ absence _ of hickeys there. Sirius had gotten halfway through taking off the leg harness before they gave up for a moment, so it was just sitting around one leg. They could deal with that later, when they weren’t a puddle.

“All right, love?” Remus reached out for them again from where he was snuggled under the covers now.

Sirius nodded, taking his hand. “Yeah, I don’t think I have any bones.”

‘Oh no, that’s an issue. Looks like you’ll have to just cuddle in bed for a while.” Remus pulled them closer.

“Mmm, what a shame.” Sirius snuggled under the covers, tucking themselves against Remus’ torso.

“Sirius,” Remus said in a tone that wasn’t as light anymore.

Sirius frowned, they recognised that tone, and lifted their head from his shoulder. “Yeah?”

“It feels like it’s getting better, right?” Remus brushed their hair back.

“Oh…” Sirius swallowed, rubbing a hand over their throat. “Yeah, I… You’re not so far away,” they said softly, watching Remus carefully. Of course sex wouldn’t fix everything but it felt like the most attention they’d paid each other in such a long time.

“You were worried last night, I could feel it.” Remus took their hand again.

“I wanted to make sure you had a good time. It felt important.”

“I know, but Sirius, I don’t need  _ all that _ . This is fine. Fuck, just being in bed chatting would have been more than fine. I… last night… I wanted to have so much fun but...” Remus shrugged. “I felt bad because I thought if I didn’t have fun you’d get upset and I didn’t want that.”

“I know that now.” Sirius sighed softly. “I got the wrong end of the stick and I thought you wanted a big night so you could see how much I love you. I wish we’d stayed in and done this instead.”

“Yeah, love, I know… moments like this make me see you love me, not that and not expensive gifts, okay? I got you a fucking waffle iron, Sirius.”

Sirius nodded. “I know, I know. I got myself all caught up. I do love you. Just forget yesterday and remember this morning instead, hm?” SIrius smiled softly, fading after a moment.

“I mean, of course, but I also think I’ll ever forget the waiter dropping that cake.” Remus laughed.

“Oh  _ god _ .” Sirius groaned, rolling onto their back. “You know I didn’t even  _ ask _ for a cake? I mentioned it was a birthday because of the booking and then they turn up with a cake  _ and _ throw it everywhere? I  _ know _ you hate big spectacles like that so I was like  _ no, please fuck off with the cake! _ ”

Remus couldn’t stop laughing. “It was so  _ bad _ , oh my god.”

“It was  _ so _ bad! You know I went to the bathroom and just screamed.”

“Yeah, I could tell that was your tipping point. You really just dove over the edge.” Remus snorted. “I felt so bad, though… you were a bit pathetic, but you were so adorable. Your sad little face when you were sitting on the edge of the bed when we got back, trying to undress yourself. I was like, fuck I love them so much even like this.”

Sirius shook their head, biting their lip. “God, and I was there  _ convinced _ you were going to break up with me because I’d fucked your birthday up and I didn’t know you at all. I was so miserable.”

“I know, you were crying over my gifts. I didn’t know what to do.” Remus kissed their cheek.

“Everyone got you such lovely things, I felt like shit.” Sirius laughed a little at their drunken memories. “But then, no one else gave you their arse in a harness, to be fair…”

“Yeah, no, they did not.” Remus chuckled. “I really do love that cologne, you know? Hell, I would have been fine with the chocolates.”

Sirius smiled softly. “I know now. I got so caught up. That cologne is lovely though, I think you would smell even better than you usually do wearing it.”

“I’ll be sure to put it on later. We’ll test it out.” Remus kissed them softly. “I love you.”

“Mm, I love you too.” Sirius kissed back.

A week later, things were getting better and better. Remus and Sirius were taking more and more time for each other, sitting and talking over dinner at night and cuddling watching movies. One night they tried to watch Mission Impossible II but Remus wouldn’t shut up about the opening climbing scene and Sirius was laughing too hard to concentrate on the movie. That weekend they had planned a group outing to a trampoline park.  _ Everyone _ was coming, James and Lily, Marly and Dorky, Frank and Alice, Hestia, Benjy (the dancers couldn’t pass up gymnastics), Peter, Mary—their little one Rowena—and Regulus. 

Sirius was looking forward to going trampolining. They had done it a few years ago and had an amazing time and now going with their dancer friends, and with Remus, would be so fun. 

“Okay,” Sirius called, walking out of the bedroom in their workout shorts and an Ascendence t-shirt. “Can we swing by to pick up James, Lily and Reggie? You ready, caro?”

“Yes, love.” Remus turned the TV off. “Good thing it’s inside, it’s pouring down out there.”

“Good job then, eh?” Sirius shrugged on a hoodie, pulling the hood up before they grabbed their  _ I’d Rather Be Pole Dancing _ bag. “I can’t wait to see you on a trampoline.”

“I can’t wait to see  _ you _ on the trampoline. If you jumping on the bed is any indication, it’s going to be amazing.” Remus took their hand after pulling up his own hood.

Sirius chuckled. “I’m not so bad at a somersault. You should see Ben, he was nearly in the team for the Commonwealth Games, you know?” Sirius led him down out of the flat towards the car, which was thankfully not so far away from their door.

“Really? That’s cool.” Remus unlocked the car before they could reach it.

“Yeah!” Sirius ran to the car, holding their hood up and diving into the passenger seat. “I’m definitely glad this place is indoors.”

Remus got in and laughed. “Me too, Jesus.” He paused. “I’m glad Mare’s bringing the baby. I feel like I haven’t seen her in ages, the little one that is.”

“Me neither! I can’t wait to see her little squishy face.” Sirius tucked one foot up on their seat as the car pulled off. “Mare and Pete are such good parents.”

Remus glanced over at them fondly. “I know, they’re great. Peter was always the dad friend anyhow.”

“I bet he was, in Uni too.” Sirius put an upbeat playlist on the radio, smiling. “Who do you reckon will be next to have a kid?”

“I don’t know, did you see Lily gushing over the baby pictures last time we were all out? I think the Potters are up for one.” Remus nodded.

Sirius grinned. “Oh, James and Lily would make the best parents. James would spoil it rotten.”

“You’ll be a good… ah?” Remus furrowed his brow.

“Yeah,” Sirius said, realising where Remus had trailed off. “There’s no good gender-neutral terms.” They puffed their cheeks out. “Auncle? Nope, no way. That makes me want to vom. I’ll go with Padfoot. Or just… godparent I guess? I dunno, or maybe I’ll just be that cool relation that’s like an older sibling.” Sirius shrugged, glancing to Remus. “Crap though, eh?”

“Padfoot or Pads, that would be cute. We could make one up,” Remus suggested.

“Paddy,” Sirius said with a grin. “Whatever the kid wants to call me, I guess?”

“Yeah, that sounds good, love.” Remus smiled as he turned towards the Potter’s street.

They picked James, Lily and Reggie up outside the Potter’s flat, the three of them squashed in the back seats. Thankfully it was a short trip to the trampoline park and they found Marlene, Dorcas, Hestia and Benjy in the car park. Marlene was practically vibrating with excitement when she hugged Sirius hello.

“Ready to go put all these guys to shame?” Marly said to her co-workers, clapping her hands together.

Sirius rolled their eyes. “You can try but I think Ben’s gonna leave us all in the dust.”

“Ben, you’re here.” Regulus’ voice came fromsomewhere behind Sirius.

“Ah yep,” Benjy replied, smiling over Sirius’ shoulder to their brother. “I feel like the ex-professional gymnast can’t really miss out on their old specialty?” 

Sirius bit their lip, stepping aside as the group went towards the doors. Reggie had a smile on his face they hadn’t ever seen before.

“Yeah! Ben used to be on Team GB before he gave it up to teach,” Hestia supplied, walking along.

“Wow! That’s amazing.” Regulus nudged Sirius. “Isn’t that cool?”

“Er—” Sirius cocked their head, had Reggie ever said the word  _ cool _ before? “Yeah, it is, right?”

Marlene snorted from behind Sirius before striding past the group towards the doors. “I saw Peter’s ridiculous car in the car park, so him and Mare are already here, and I bet Frank and Alice are with them too.”

“They have the baby with them,” Remus said excitedly.

James sputtered. “They do?” He joined Marlene in striding through the doorway and a moment later Sirius heard a cry of, “Oh, is that Ro! Hello you little bundle of joy, oh my god you’re getting so big!”

Sirius shook their head. “Why do I feel like today’s going to be mad?”

“Cause you’re mad for trampolining!” Dorcas laughed. “And Marly too.”

“Aren’t you excited for it?” Remus put his arm around them and kissed their cheek as they got into the lobby.

“Me?” Sirius put a hand over their chest. “I’m  _ ecstatic _ , Rem.” Ahead of them, Marly shrieked and Sirius looked up like a dog at a whistle. “Oh god,” they said softly, kissing Remus’ cheek. “Sorry caro, turns out I have to go be one of those obnoxious people showing off in a public forum.” Sirius grinned before taking off towards Marlene’s voice. 


	18. Chapter 18

Remus watched Sirius tumbling down a long part of the trampolines as he bounced to the side. It was fun, mostly because he was enjoying watching his partner being a gymnast of sorts. They kept doing toe touches and splits, it was a very good thing Remus was on the ‘meh’ end of the scale.

“Wow,” Regulus said next to Remus.

They hadn’t talked much since their big argument a few weeks back. It was all fine, but Remus felt like he had no idea how to talk to him. In an effort to make some type of peace offering, Remus had worn the punk authors shirt Regulus gave him for his birthday. “They’re great, aren’t they?” Remus smiled at him.

“I…” Regulus chuckled. “I had no clue anyone could move like that, like any of them, really.” He gestured to the group of dancers, egging each other on to do more and more spins or flips or ridiculous things.

“They’re amazing. I’ll never get sick of watching them even if they make me feel completely out of my league.” Remus laughed. “So… you and Ben…” Remus had noticed the two flirting earlier.

Regulus stumbled a bit as he glanced over to Remus, looking a bit red. “Ben?”

“You’re rather obvious, there, Regulus.” Remus smiled because he looked a bit like Sirius when they were caught in something.

“Er—” Regulus cleared their throat. “He seems very nice.”

“Oh yeah? Nice. So… have you maybe asked him to coffee or something?” Remus asked, hoping this was an okay conversation to have. He needed to properly apologize to Regulus at one point. If things weren’t smoothed over with Regulus, then he was sure Sirius and Remus couldn’t properly move on and Remus was ready to just completely move past it.

“Coffee?” Regulus looked over at Ben, who was showing off some fancy twisting somersault spin thing for Marly, Hestia and Sirius that made Remus feel a bit queasy just watching. “Should… should I do that? Coffee’s a thing?”

“Yeah, you like coffee, right? I know Ben does too because I’ve gotten them all coffee before dropping by the studio a few times.” Remus waved towards the dancers.

“Right.” Regulus nodded curtly before glancing over to Remus, sighing softly. “Thank you. I have… no clue how to do any of this.”

Remus scratched behind his ear. “Yeah, ah, no worries. He’s a nice bloke, I like him.”

“Yes.” Regulus nodded again, looking a little more relaxed. “I do too. He was… very nice to me the first time we met.”

“Sirius likes him too, if that’s… you know, if you wanted to know that.” Remus wasn’t sure what Regulus cared for, but he was sure that Sirius’ approval might be something he wanted.

Regulus huffed a sigh in a very Sirius-like manner, sitting on the edge of the trampoline. “Yeah, that’s… thank you. Sirius’ opinion means a lot to me. I want them to like whoever I end up seeing, eventually.”

“I’m sure Sirius would like this.” Remus nodded.

As if their ears were burning with Remus and Regulus talking about them, Sirius bounced over towards Remus, grinning ear to ear. They dug in for an extra high bounce next to Remus, laughing. “Hi, you having fun?”

“Yes,” Remus said, reaching out for Sirius. “You’re really putting on a show out there. Someone tried to copy you all and fell flat on their face.” Remus kissed their cheek. “Reg and I were just talking about how talented Ben is.”

Sirius snorted. “It’s what happens when all the dancers come together.” They stopped bouncing, putting an arm around Remus’ waist. “Oh? Yeah he was nearly competing for Team GB…” Sirius trailed off, looking between Remus and Regulus.

“What?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“Ah… although you know he travels a lot and sometimes he can be a bit of a dick, I guess? It’s a shame,” Sirius said lightly, glancing across to Ben and Marlene.

“Oh?” Regulus said, looking at Remus with wide eyes.

“What? He’s never been a dick?” Remus furrowed his brow.

“No no,” Sirius said gravely, starting to bounce again. “You don’t see him at work, Rem, he can get very snappy. It only happens with people close to him, you know, if we spend a lot of time together. He seems so nice at first.”

“What? You’re always saying how he’s the nicest person in your studio.” Remus shook his head.

“I don’t know what you mean, Rem, I’ve never said that.” Sirius turned to Remus, giving him a look before glancing to Regulus. “Okay, I’m going to go have a minute and see Mare and Ro, give you guys a chance not look like total amateurs and let Mare come on the trampolines for a while.”

“Right, yeah…” Remus was still completely confused at Sirius’ reaction.

Sirius pecked Remus on the cheek before bouncing off towards the edge where Mary was sat with baby Rowena on her knee.

“What the fuck?” Remus glanced over to Ben before looking back to Regulus. “Look, I know you probably don’t trust me much, but I swear to God, Sirius has always said nothing but nice things about Benjy.”

Regulus watched Sirius go for a moment before looking back to Ben, then to Remus. “They’re being over-protective.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry about them, I’ll work on it.”

“It’s okay.” Regulus grinned, shaking his head. “They used to do it all the time when we were kids…. I did the same to them, too.”

“Ah, I see. Well, I’m glad you’re not, I don’t know, talking shit about me or something.” Remus laughed. “I would be all the time after I treated you like shit.”

Regulus bit his lip. “It was understandable, I guess. I was intruding.”

“You weren’t, I was… I like my own space and Sirius had just moved in and I was being a bastard. I’m sorry for being so rude. That’s not really me.” Remus frowned. “At least with people I care about and by proxy I care about you because you’re Sirius’ brother.”

“Yeah.” Regulus nodded. “Thank you. I didn’t help the situation being so clueless, so I’m sorry. I hope we can get on, even if it’s just for Sirius’ sake.”

“Well, I like anyone who I can talk the classics with, so it won’t just be for Sirius’ sake. Plus, don’t tell anyone, but this is my second favorite gift.”

“Ah, ha—” Regulus laughed. “I did notice you were wearing it. Er—second favourite?”

Remus looked away towards Sirius. “I don’t think you want to know, really.”

Regulus flushed bright red. “Ah, fair enough, yep.”

“Oh! This is fun!” Mare laughed as she bounced over to Remus and Regulus. “My chart said I needed to get some exercise today, you know?”

Remus nodded. “Have you done Reggie’s yet?”

Regulus smiled. “I think you’d have a field day with mine, Mary. I wish I’d had your insights a few years ago.”

“Well, darling, you have it now.” She grinned.

Remus watched Mare grab Regulus’ hand then decided to leave them to it and give Sirius a hard time for talking shit about Ben. He hopped off the trampoline area and went to the bench where Sirius was holding Ro and making faces at the baby. His heart felt like it grew a few sizes watching Sirius with the baby.

It had been nearly a month since Remus had thought about marrying Sirius, but the other night it came back with a vengeance. They were just laughing over something stupid, and he felt that way again.

Sirius was playing with Ro, bouncing her on their knee a little before turning her to face the rest of the room. “Oh look, there’s Mama, look, and Dada, and there’s stupid James being an idiot,” Remus heard them saying to her. “And look! There’s Uncle Moony!” Sirius grinned at Ro before pointing to Remus. Ro gave a big giggle and grabbed Sirius’ hand. “Yeah! Wave then, darling!”

“Hello, Ro.” Remus took a seat next to them. “So… you want one of those things?”

A look of surprise flittered across Sirius’ features. “Maybe one day, I think. At the right time in my life…” Sirius glanced down to Ro, bouncing her on their knee. “Would you?”

“Yeah, I think so… when the time is right.” Remus kissed their cheek.

“I think I’m happy to be the cool family friend for now. You know, they can come to me for things they know their parents won’t approve of.” Sirius grinned, leaning into Remus a little as Ro clung to their finger and drooled all over their arm.

“Oh, yeah, for sure. We’re like the cool… shit, there needs to be a good gender neutral name. We’re cool, just Moony and Padfoot.”

Sirius smiled. “You’re so sweet. Let’s just invent some arbitrary name for it. Like I’m Cool… Shit, there’s really nothing is there?”

“Let’s just stick with Moony and Padfoot. Woof?” Remus laughed, putting an arm around them. “So… what the fuck was that with Ben?”

“What do you think, Ro? Woof? Yeah?” Sirius pulled a face at her, letting their tongue loll out like a dog for a moment before glancing sideways to Remus. “Er—what?”

“You know what, don’t play dumb.” He nudged them. “Right, Ro, Padfoot is too smart for that?”

Sirius put their hands over Ro’s ears. “Don’t pull her into this, caro,” they said, smiling for a moment before it faded. “You know Reg is just gonna fancy the first person he sets eyes on now he’s away from them and in a place where he can do so. I don’t want him to get hurt.”

“How do you know that?” Remus frowned. “Plus, Ben’s a good bloke.”

Sirius shrugged, still bouncing Ro. “I feel like he needs to know himself before he gets tangled up with someone else.”

“Why can’t he get to know himself and date someone?” Remus asked them, watching Mare chatting with Reg as they bounced.

“I… I dunno.” Sirius pressed a kiss to the top of Ro’s head. “I just don’t want him to get hurt. I want the world to treat him right to make up for everything so far.”

“How do you know Ben will hurt him?” Remus kissed their temple. “That’s a very sweet thought, but you can’t protect him from everything.”

“Mm, I’d like to. I couldn’t back then. I’d like to now.” Sirius sighed softly. “I guess you’re right. I’ll need to give Ben the stern older sibling talk, though.”

“Do you really have to?” Remus chuckled.

Sirius nodded solemnly. “Yep. I did the same to Lily.” Ro squealed up at Sirius. “Right! And I bet you’d do the same too, eh, little one? If Mama and Dada had anymore siblings for you.”

“Well, don’t be mean to him, okay?” Remus shook his head. “Let your brother live a little.”


	19. Chapter 19

Sirius sat watching their friends at the trampoline park, bouncing little Rowena on their knee. Mare and Peter looked like they were having a great time and kept waving back to Sirius and Ro every so often. James and Lily were jumping together; James determined to get as high as possible, although his form was making Sirius cringe. Regulus was with Dorcas now, jumping with her and smiling more than Sirius had seen in a while. Marly, Hestia and Benjy were still competing with each other for backwards handsprings, and Alice was being thrown up in the air by Frank, which looked entirely terrifying, even for Sirius, who spent a good deal of time suspended upside down with only their elbow for grip.

Remus was sat next to Sirius, his arm around their shoulder. Everything was just getting more and more back to normal. “I won’t,” Sirius said softly, thinking of Regulus, and how protective they felt over him. “God knows he couldn’t live before now.”

“Right.” Remus pressed another kissed to their temple. “If he needs you be there.”

Sirius nodded. “And of course I’ll murder anyone who hurts him.”

“Wow, okay, talk to Alice, Sirius first. She’ll make sure you don’t — wait, no, that is not what I meant.” Remus snorted a laugh.

“Oh, I know Alice is the secret murderer out of all of us. Wouldn’t surprise me if she’s actually the daughter of some mob boss and all her enemies are sleeping with the fishes or something.” Sirius grinned, glancing sideways at Remus.

“Mmm, notice I never told you where Fenrir lives.” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“Mmhm. I know.” Sirius smiled sweetly to cover the horrible feeling that always came with thinking of Remus’ awful ex-boyfriend. How someone could be so disgusting towards Remus was beyond them.

“Careful, if you ever wrong me, you’ll be sleeping with the fishes.” He laughed again.

Sirius snorted. “Rem I feel like you’re the least murderous out of all of us.”

“That’s why Al is my best friend. See, everyone thinks I’m a bit of a bastard, but it’s her that will straight up murder you.”

“Mmmhm,” Sirius said, grinning ear to ear. “It never fails to amuse me how everyone thinks you’re so stone cold.”

“I put on a good front because I don’t like most people.”

“We should all be honoured then, hm?” Sirius leaned their head on his shoulder, Ro burbling away in agreement.

“Mmmhmm.” Remus sighed.

Sirius pressed a kiss to Remus’ cheek. “What about me? Did everyone think I was murder-y when they first met me?”

“Ha, no, they thought you were nice. Alice wouldn’t shut up about all you know about dance. Frank thought you were a riot. Peter thought you were great. Mare went on about how you and I are perfectly matched.” Remus recalled. “They all loved you, still do.”

Sirius hummed, smiling softly. “That’s good. Mind Peter thought those hickeys were birthmarks?”

“Oh yes, the birthmarks. Marlene wouldn’t shut up about how your most recent set seemed to outline something she gave us…”

“Oh.” Sirius bit their lip, snorting with laughter. “Yeah, they, er—they did have a rather obvious stripe missing, didn’t they?” Sirius rubbed the base of their throat, some of them were still little discoloured marks, not quite faded yet.

“Yeah, a bit.” Remus blushed.

Sirius brushed their thumb over the top of his cheekbone, grinning. “You’re so cute.”

“Not what you were saying last Saturday.” Remus laughed. “Not that you would, but if you ever discussed our sex life with anyone they wouldn’t believe it.”

‘Right!” Sirius threw their head back, laughing. “God, they wouldn’t, would they? I don’t think  _ I _ would’ve believed it, six months ago. You hide a lot under those bloody jumpers and all that bumbling, Mr. Lupin.”

“I’ve told you many times, love, I’m full of surprises.” Remus knocked their shoulder with his. “Let me take Ro, why don’t you go back out there?”

Sirius smiled, kissing the top of Remus’ shoulder. “Would you mind? Marly’s double twist is awful, I need to go show her up.”

“Off you go.” Remus held his hands out for the baby.

“Okay. Alright, Ro-Ro.” Sirius kissed the top of her head. “Give Uncle Moony hell, eh?” They passed Rowena to Remus, grinning, before standing up and stretching so their back cracked.

“They make those noises often, Ro, they’re a glowstick.” Remus bounced her a bit. “Say bye to Padfoot now.”

Sirius waved as Ro squealed, before crossing back to the trampolines and bouncing over towards the dance troupe. They glanced over to Remus, grinning at him. He was a great uncle, and they were pretty sure he’d be a great dad someday too.

They joined their colleagues for a while, doing somersaults and handsprings and shoving Marly when she tried to sabotage their really great run. After a few goes, Alice joined in with the group, getting so much height to her jumps only Ben was jumping better, and it wasn’t really a fair fight with him.

Sirius sat on the edge of one of the trampolines to catch their breath for a moment when Alice sat herself next to him. “Hey Al. Alright?”

“I’m brilliant! This is so much fun, what a great idea.” She fixed her ponytail.

“Right? This is such a good day out. Even Pete’s getting in the spirit.”

Alice watched Peter and James attempting to outdo one another now. “Yeah, god their form makes my knees hurt.”

Sirius snorted, rubbing a hand over their face. “Right? I’m cringing watching it, but they’re having fun, I bet.”

“It’s like a trainwreck, yikes.” She shook her head. “You and Remus looked mighty cute over there with Ro.”

“Ah, yeah.” Sirius smiled, biting their lip as they glanced over to Remus, now with Lily sat next to him, Ro very interested in Lily’s necklace. “She’s such a sweetie. Remus is good with her.”

“Yeah, I know, you are too.”

“I’d hope so, it’s my role as Cool There’s-Not-A-Good-Gender-Neutral-Term-for-Uncle to get all the kids to love me so I can spoil them.” Sirius smiled, waving at Ro before catching themselves, feeling a bit ridiculous.

“Oh god, you’re so adorable.” Alice grinned.

“You can’t tell  _ anyone _ , Al. I already have the least murder-y reputation besides Remus, you can’t tarnish my name even further.”

“Hmm, I’ll think about it. Tell me this, how are you and our dear Moony doing? I haven’t had any urgent messages lately.”

Sirius bit their lip, rubbing the base of their throat. “Mm, we’re good, better than we were a while ago, anyway. Much better…”

“You’re looking at each other like you did before this whole mess, you know? It wasn’t there the last few times we went out.”

“Yeah. Yeah it was gone for a while… it’s better now we’ve got space and I’m not losing my mind and Remus isn’t internally screaming about everything. I guess we just… I dunno, it’s better. Thank god.” Sirius smiled as Ro grabbed at Remus’ hair before glancing sideways to Alice. 

“That’s good. Keep talking, it’ll work.” Alice smiled. “So… are there wedding bells ringing in your head?”

Sirius did a double-take back to Alice, who looked completely innocent and not at all like she’d just brought up marriage. “Marly and Dorky’s maybe,” Sirius said. “God knows Marly talks about it enough.” They bit their lip, glancing over to Remus, remembering that day in Tuscany, in the church square at Fiesole and the wedding party.

“Sweetie, your head, not their head.” She pointed to Marlene then Dorcas.

“Mmm—” Sirius watched Remus, avoiding Alice’s piercing gaze. “Maybe.”

“Oh,  _ maybe _ , they say. I’m intrigued.”

“When we were in Florence I found a brochure for this big villa out near Arezzo that did weddings when I was a bit tipsy and there was a photograph of a wedding party and I could just  _ see _ us sat there with you all around us…” Sirius tucked their knee up against their chest. “I’ve thought about it.”

“Yeah? Have you two talked about it?” Alice asked them.

“A bit?” Sirius glanced back to Alice for a brief moment before looking back to Remus. “In Florence, we both said we’d like it some day… You know there was a proposal at the pole comp too, during the women’s finals? And then—” Sirius broke off, laughing, it seemed so absurd now, like it would get rejected for a romantic movie script but it did happen.

“What! What? Tell me.” Alice was looking at them with wide eyes.

Sirius laughed, rubbing their neck again before catching themselves and sitting on their hand. “It seems so stupid. We were in this little village in Tuscany and we were walking through  _ just _ as this bride and groom were leaving the church, everyone was clapping and cheering and then Remus said my name all strangely and he had this weird look in his eye… He said  _ would you _ , then the moment went and he asked about sharing something at the cafe or something I don’t remember. I don’t… it was…  _ strange _ .”

“Oh my god, really?” She leaned forward, a wild look in her eye.

“Mmhm.” Sirius glanced down at their lap, smiling shyly. They probably would’ve said yes, too, that was the thing.

“That’s amazing! Oh, he should have. Would you have said yes?”

Sirius bit their lip, grinning. “What do you think, Al?”

“Yes, you would have  _ so _ said yes. Oh god, you’re going to get married.” Alice clasped her hands together.

“Shhh!” Sirius nudged Alice with their elbow, their cheeks warm. “Stop it.”

“Sirius!” She dropped her voice but there was still so much excitement in it. “I never thought Remus would… he was so closed off then you came along and… oh, it’s going to happen.”

“I never really saw myself settling down either? But then…” Sirius shrugged, glancing around the room because their heart felt too full looking at Remus. “We basically said we were soulmates whilst we were away. That’s fucking ridiculous, isn’t it? I don’t even think I believe in it but here we are…”

“Oh god, that’s so adorable. You two are so adorable.”

“Sirius!” Marly shrieked, breaking through the nice conversation. “I need you to be my partner in this lift!”

Sirius rolled their eyes, shooting Alice an apologetic look. “Sorry, Al, Her Highness calls, else I’ll get my eardrums burst.” 

“Off you go, have fun.” Alice grinned from ear to ear.

Sirius stood up, bouncing over to where Marlene was stood with her hands on her hips, looking like she was about to make  _ something _ her bitch and Sirius hoped it wasn’t them.

Hours later, on the way out of the trampoline park, almost everyone tired and subdued, Sirius caught a glimpse of a whole other  _ section _ of the building they hadn’t noticed before. “Oh my  _ god _ !” They practically shouted, stopping dead.

“Sirius… what?” Remus came up next to them.

“Look! They’ve got like a whole… ninja warrior thing! A big obstacle course and is that a slackline? Oh! Look! Bouldering!” Sirius hit Remus on the arm, gesturing excitedly as they crossed over to the double doors, peering through.

“Oh shit! How did we not know about this?” Remus furrowed his brow.

“What, what?” Dorcas came up behind the pair.

Sirius peered in through the window, cupping their hands to see better into the darkened room. “There’s bouldering! And a whole obstacle course…  _ Marly! _ Marlene! They’ve got a  _ trapeze _ , Marlene!  _ Marlene! Alert, alert! _ ”

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!” Marlene came crashing over to them. “Why is it closed?!”

“I don’t know!” Sirius tried the door but it was resolutely locked. “Oh my god I wonder if they’ve got silks too? I told you we needed those in the studio if a place like this has them! Oh my god I always dreamed about running away with the circus when I was a kid I want to go on the trapeze!”

“THE BOULDERING THOUGH!”

“Can we come back?” Sirius asked, whirling around to face the others. Dorcas was already striding off towards the reception, probably to find opening times or quite possibly bribe the staff to let her fiancée into the room she wanted.

“We  _ have to  _ come back.” Remus nodded.

“Oh god, I’m so tired,” Peter complained.

Sirius looked over to where the rest of the group were lingering, unaffected by the excitement. They puffed out their cheeks, slumping against the door. “Okay, okay, let’s go. But we  _ have _ to come back, right?” Sirius took Remus’ hand, squeezing it before looking across to Marlene, who was still looking wistfully through the door. “And we need to talk about aerial things, Marly, I want silks.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” She nodded.

“Come on, let’s go. We’ll come back.” Remus tugged on their hand.

“Not everyone can keep up with you active lot,” James said, scrubbing a hand through his hair as they all made their way out to the car park.

“Aww, what happened to James  _ The Dolphin _ Potter, eh?” Sirius said, elbowing James as they walked.

In the car they dropped James, Lily and Regulus back off at their flat, Sirius agreeing to see Reggie in the next few days when they were both free, and Lily and they needed to meet up to work on the next charity event before Kingsley was back in town. On the way back home Sirius put their hand on Remus’ knee as he drove and looked across at him, their conversation with Alice playing on repeat in their mind. 

They would’ve said yes. Of course they would’ve. Before everything went wrong it was  _ so _ beautiful, but they were getting back there now, slowly. It would be beautiful again and Sirius would still say yes. That realisation felt vaguely terrifying, but maybe it was a good kind of fear.

“You want to swing by the pizza place on the way home?” Sirius said softly, squeezing Remus’ knee.

“Sure, no pineapple pizza allowed.” He joked with them.

Sirius rolled their eyes. “That’s why they do half and half, Rem.”

“God, it started with us getting two different pizzas, now I let you go half and half now. I really must love you.” Remus grinned over at them.

“Sadly, you do.” Sirius smiled, their heart clenching. Oh god they loved him. It was so wonderful it nearly hurt. “If we, er, if we go half and half we can get cheesy chips too, see.”

“You spoil me.” Remus sighed as they past the studio. “Is that where the therapist is?” Remus nodded at a building.

“Ah, yeah.” Sirius bit their lip, watching the building go by. They weren’t looking  _ forward _ to therapy but they knew it would be useful, they supposed.

“This week, right?” Remus asked quietly.

“Mm, Wednesday afternoon, after my last class,” Sirius murmured, watching the building in the wing mirror still. 

“Do you want to do dinner after? We could go out and grab something to eat.”

Sirius glanced sideways, seeing Remus’ earnest expression, his eyes flickering between Sirius and the road as he drove. “See how I feel? You could… I’d like it if you met me after, though, I think?”

“Yeah, of course, love, I’ll meet you after.” Remus patted their hand on his knee. “Whatever you need.”

“Thank you,” Sirius said softly. Sometimes they couldn’t quite believe how much they loved Remus.

“Always, I love you.” Remus turned towards the pizza place. “Whatever you need, always.”

Sirius nodded, feeling strangely emotional, their voice catching in their throat when they thought about speaking for a moment. “Love you.”


	20. Chapter 20

Shuffling his feet, Remus checked his watch. Sirius should have been done their first their first therapy appointment by now. He was waiting out front of the building, watching people walk by as he waited for them. Remus was glad that Sirius asked him to pick them up after because he could tell they were feeling stressed about the whole experience. It couldn’t have been easy to open up to someone about their terrible childhood.

The door to the building swung open and Sirius stepped out, rubbing a hand over their eyes. They saw Remus a moment later and smiled slightly. “Hi.”

“Hey, love.” Remus reached out for them, noticing their eyes were red. “All right?”

“I guess?” Sirius took his hand, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “A lot of talking.”

“Mmm, I’m sure.” Remus kissed their temple. “How are you feeling? Hungry? Or do you just want to go home and we’ll get something later.”

Sirius nodded, biting their lip. “Hungry. Can we go get something? I dunno, something really tasty… I’m  _ tired _ , somewhere with comfy seats.”

“Hmm how about that mac and cheese place? They have cozy little booths.” Remus thought it’d be good comfort food too.

“Oh!” Sirius smiled, looking a little brighter. “Yeah, that sounds nice, let’s go there.”

“All right.” Remus put his arm around them and they started to walk. “How was your day?”

Sirius leaned into him, putting their arm around his waist. “Mm, good this morning. The Wednesday pole class is always so funny because we have these three total riots from the offices down the road. Got to do a lot of inverted spin flow and that… doesn’t mean a thing to you, does it?” Sirius grinned, nudging his side. “How was yours?”

“Haha yes, that means nothing, but I’m sure it’s great.” Remus chuckled. “My day was fine. I had lunch with Reg, actually.”

“It was really fun—ah, did you?” Sirius bit their lip, smiling. “You’re getting on.”

“We are, we spent the whole hour chatting about books.” Remus thought about the meal and how knowledgeable Regulus was. “He really should go back to uni to finish his degree.”

Sirius hummed, looking thoughtful. “He could, couldn’t he, now? I think he’d like it… The way he talks about it, I don’t think it was his choice to drop out.”

“No, I got the same feeling today.” Remus hated the Blacks so much. It was amazing Regulus and Sirius managed to make it out as decent people. “We’re going to spend Saturday hanging out. There’s an author coming to Flourish and Blotts Reg loves, so we’re going to go get lunch then go over there.”

“Oh.” Sirius was grinning ear to ear, glancing out as they crossed the street. “That sounds so good. I’ve got that workshop on Saturday, but maybe we can all hang out in the evening after?”

“Yeah, we could do dinner afterwards or something.” Remus smiled.

“Lunch  _ and _ dinner out?” Sirius leaned over, tapping Remus’ temple. “Remus Lupin, you’ve a one track mind!”

“I was going to suggest  _ making _ dinner.” Remus snorted a laugh. “But yes, all the food.”

“ _ Do _ dinner is go out for dinner surely!” Sirius laughed. “ _ Make _ dinner, come on, you’re the pedant here caro,” Sirius teased, nudging Remus in the side.

“You’ve caught me.” Remus kissed their cheek. “I’m fine with whatever.  _ Making _ dinner might be nice. You know, welcome him into the flat that I sort of made him uncomfortable in.”

Sirius bit their lip. “Yeah. I would like that a lot. It would be nice to cook something. Reg can help, too, although I don’t think his cooking skills are that great. Teaching real useful life skills was never high on the list there.”

“Well, we can give him a crash course then.” Remus shrugged as they came up to the restaurant.

“Ha, yeah, that would be fun.” Sirius pulled open the door, stepping aside to let Remus go through first.

They were sat in a booth, and Remus thought about sliding in next to Sirius, but that felt too much because he thought it was strange when couples sat on the same side of the table. They could cuddle at home. “What are you feeling like, Sirius?” Remus looked over the menu. “We could share one.”

Sirius rested their chin on their palm, studying the menu. They definitely looked more tired than usual. “Mmm, I think sharing is good. If we can decide, of course,” they muttered, shooting him a grin.

“They don’t have a pineapple option, so I’m sure we can come to some compromise here.”

“Ha, you’re a dick.” Sirius snorted. “They all look good… I always have this problem. The bacon cheddar one, the jalapeno poppers one…”

“What? You like my dick, thank you.” Remus laughed, still looking at the menu. “They have a make your own option. We could do bacon and jalapeno poppers. Combine them.”

Sirius rolled their eyes, putting the menu down. “You have very selective hearing, my love. But we can do that… oh, no, look, I always forget about the philly cheese steak one… shit.”

“Okay, so we could do the bacon with jalapeno  _ or _ philly cheese steak.” Remus put the menu down. “Make the choice.”

“Just because your bi ass can’t make a decision,” Sirius said, grinning. 

“Hey! You know this about me. You need to choose. If I like both things, it’s nearly impossible.” Remus knocked his foot against theirs.

Sirius smiled indulgently. “Okay, okay, I’ll order. Do you want a beer?”

“Yes.” Remus nodded.

“I shouldn’t have asked, should I? Of course you want a beer.” Sirius chuckled, shaking their head. The waiter came over a moment later and Sirius ordered a large philly cheese steak mac and cheese with—they shot Remus a wink—extra bacon  _ and _ jalapenos. They also ordered drinks, a craft beer for Remus and a cider for themselves.

“Look, that’s why I love you, I never have to choose.” Remus laughed as the waiter walked away.

Sirius grinned. “You want both, all, everything in between, and listen, I’ll do what I can to make that happen.”

“You’re the best.”

They slipped into their usual conversation, laughing and joking as they waited for their food. Sirius went a bit quiet at one point though, their eyes looking a little glazed over. “All right over there, Sirius?”

“Mmm?” Sirius shook their head. “Oh, I’m just tired. Thinking about this afternoon.”

“I don’t need to know about it, but if you want to talk you can.” Remus shrugged, he really did want to know, but he also knew that it wasn’t all his to know. If Sirius wanted to tell him, they would.

“Just… I knew a lot of how I grew up wasn’t normal, but having someone point out is… weird, you know?” Sirius scrubbed a hand through their hair.

“Yeah, I’m sure. They’re going to help though, the therapist, it will be good to talk about in the end, even if it hurts at first.”

“Yeah, I know, I know. Just… unearthing it is weird. I keep remembering things I should tell her.” Sirius smiled slightly, straightening as the waiter came over with their food. He set the mac and cheese between them before heading off again. “It’s weird,” Sirius said softly. “I keep saying that, but it is. It’s weird.” 

“I’m sure it is. Repression of memories happen with trauma, right? Maybe you should write things down that you want to talk about between your appointments,” Remus suggested, picking up his fork.

Sirius nodded, picking up their own fork and digging into the side closest to them. “That sounds like a good idea. Maybe I will. Could do it on my phone or something so I’ve got it with me…”

“That’s perfect.” Remus smiled, feeling helpful with this all.

The rest of the dinner went well, and Sirius seemed to be in a bit better spirits by the end of it. They even stopped for an ice cream on the way home. Remus was glad that Sirius was dealing with their past, even if it was hard to deal with for the time being. Maybe one day they’d talk about it, but it was more important that Sirius was in a good place now.

The rest of the week passed by quickly, and soon he was out to lunch Saturday with Reggie. It felt strange that he was meeting Regulus after only a month ago things were horribly strained. Now, it all felt like it was on the right track. Remus felt good with his relationship with Sirius and this one with Regulus. He really did want to get on with Sirius’ brother, it was so important to him.

“Hey, Reg, how are you?” Remus asked, taking a seat across from the younger Black with a smile. But his smile fell when Regulus appeared to be stressed, biting at his lip and shaking his leg under the table. “Ah, you okay?”

“Um, yeah, I’m fine… I think.” Regulus looked down at his menu.

“I’m not convinced. You’re as bad at lying as your sibling, you know.” Remus scoffed. “Want to talk about it?”

“Mmm, you might be a good person to talk to about it, actually,” Regulus murmured, tapping his menu against the table.

“I am?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah. Er—Dorcas… Dorcas mentioned that you’re asexual. Or—or on the spectrum, it’s a spectrum of it, right? And I don’t…  _ fully _ understand it and google is kind of scary sometimes but a lot of it…” Regulus peered at his menu. “A lot of it makes sense.”

“Right.” Remus nodded, sitting back in his chair. “I don’t really label myself on what part of the spectrum. I’m more grey-ace because of things. Are you… do you think that you’re ace? Or on the spectrum.”

“Er—” Regulus swallowed, nodding minutely. “I think so. I think I’m… think I’m demi.”

“Oh! That’s great, why do you think that?” Remus asked.

Regulus seemed to breathe a big sigh of relief. “That’s the first time I’ve said it out loud.” He rubbed a hand over his face and through his hair, looking so similar to Sirius. “I guess… I wasn’t sure for a while? I never understood how everyone was all over girls when we were younger, and then I was like  _ oh _ , I’m gay, that’s why. But then… something still wasn’t right?” Regulus shook his head. “Sorry, I don’t mean to unload on you, Remus.”

“No, it’s okay, thank you for telling me. You can unload. I’ve had my own confuses with my sexuality too — plenty. It still confuses me, but I’m far more confident in it.”

“Right,” Regulus agreed, nodding. “I was confused for a while and I… I don’t know if Sirius told you about the guy I was seeing last year? I didn’t get it but then it all sort of  _ clicked _ and it was like,  _ oh _ , I’m not broken. I get it.”

“Yeah, of course. It’s… I’ve been in a shitty relationship that the bloke told me I was broken. I’m not. You’re not, it’s fine. It’s a real, normal thing.” Remus nodded.

Regulus looked at him for a long moment before nodding. “Yeah. That’s really shitty. But… thank you. It’s good to hear I’m not… alone.”

“You’re not, and when you find someone who  _ get _ you, it’s validating. Like, I had never heard about being ace until a few years back. I didn’t have a term to apply to myself, it was hard. It’s nice having that and having someone to talk to about it. I’m glad to help.”

“Yeah… At home there wasn’t even a term for gay for a long time… Like—like when Sirius got kicked out. I didn’t get why.” Regulus bit his lip, shaking his head a little. “It was all fucked up.”

“I’m sure,” Remus said as the waiter came over. They both ordered quickly and Remus looked back to Regulus. “Have you… have you seen Ben yet?”

Regulus frowned for a moment. “We texted a little. Dorcas gave me his number…”

“Really? You should set up a date.” Remus encouraged him.

“Ha… I don’t think I’m so good at this dating thing. I wouldn’t know what to do  _ on _ a date.”

“You just… I don’t know, you make conversation with someone you want to like romantically? I mean, you’ve already started off on a better foot than Sirius and me.” Remus snickered, thinking about how he met them.

Regulus raised an eyebrow, smiling slightly. “Oh? There’s a story there.”

“So, we met at a competition. Somehow, I hadn’t met them before because they were traveling and whatever.” Remus waved a hand. “Or Marly knew I was emotionally unavailable until last August. But Marly and Dorky dragged me to the competition and I… well, I drooled over Sirius like an idiot then we met and we both could barely speak. Then when we did speak, I panicked at Sirius’ flirting. Mainly, I didn’t think they would understand my sexuality. Of course, they do because they’re amazing.” Remus smiled. “But we didn’t speak for a week until Marly and Dorky sort of pushed it then I panicked again and finally told them I was ace and the rest is now history.”

Regulus smiled. “Right. You two seem good together. Sirius is happier now, I think… and, they really understood, like… they were fine with it all? I would’ve thought so many people won’t understand…”

“Sirius is amazing, they tried to understand right from the start and they’ve never pushed things or pressured me. They get it, totally. There are people who don’t get it, just like people who are homophobic or biphobic. But there are plenty of people like Sirius out there. You just need to be up front about who you are and how you feel.”

“Yeah…” Regulus nodded, sipping his water. “At least… at least I have a word for it now. I can explain it better.”

“It’s nice, to have a word. I’m always around to lend an ear too. Plus, Sirius is great… not that you want to talk about sex with your sibling.” Remus made a face.

Regulus grimaced. “No. No, I’d really rather not. I’m happy for you? But not that happy.”

Remus laughed loudly. “Sorry, it’s just… I hope you find someone as understanding. Start with Ben.”

“Me too.” Regulus nodded, smiling. “And… I know it’s not my place to say, but… I’m glad Sirius has you? … They weren’t happy when they were at home, and now they seem much more themselves, you know… in  _ everything _ .”

“Yeah? I can’t imagine Sirius being anything other than what they are now. They’re… amazing, you know? I’m sorry about your family. It kills me thinking about all that with you two. You’re both good people.”

“Yeah… it took some time to get used to at first, because you know, none of that was okay back home, but it’s so good to see them being themselves…” Regulus smiled, shrugging one shoulder. “Yeah, I don’t know that I know how to be a real person yet, but I’m… I’m trying. Sirius got a headstart but I’ll catch up.”

It clicked in Remus’ brain that he was talking about Sirius’ gender identity before. “Oh, oh yeah… they’re doing amazing, right? I think you’re coming along just fine in being a real person. You’re trying. I’m sorry about yelling at you over the brother slip when we had that argument. I just — I guess I’m protective of Sirius.”

“I’m glad you are. I should’ve been trying harder. I didn’t understand anything, I didn’t even know what Sirius meant when they said fluid or what gender-neutral terms were or how they felt when they got misgendered. I didn’t understand any of it because… I dunno, it’s a different world back there with my family. But I get it now.”

“Yeah, I can imagine… well, not really because I was brought up completely different. Has Sirius told you about my mam?” Remus laughed.

Regulus shook his head a little. “They said she was a badass? But that’s it, really.”

“She is a badass. She’s really accepting, my dad was too. They went to Pride even before I did, it’s my favorite story and Sirius has heard it five times now.” Remus grinned at Regulus.


	21. Chapter 21

Sirius was at that stage of pleasant exhaustion. Their workshop had gone so well and all the students were chattering away at how great classes at Ascendence always were as Sirius packed up with Hestia and Marlene. They were so content with how work was going, and everything outside of work seemed to be going better and better, too. They and Remus were so much better, making sure they spent time with each other no matter what else they had going on, and this evening they were going to hang out with Regulus together. Sirius was so pleased that Remus and Regulus were getting on again, hearing them both mention each other casually made their heart soar.

“Right,” Sirius said, swinging their bag onto their shoulder. “God I’m fucked after today.”

“Sure you’re going to get fucked tonight too.” Marlene laughed loudly and Hestia rolled her eyes.

Sirius threw a towel at her. “You know after all this time I should know not to give you openings like that, you’re so foul,” they said, but they were grinning.

“No, you only give Remus those openings.” She winked with a smirk.

Sirius tipped their chin up, shucking their hair off their shoulder. “If you  _ must _ know, Marlene, Remus gives me his too, thank you very much.”

“How nice of him.” She smiled.

“Dear god,” Hestia muttered.

Sirius nudged Hestia in the arm on their way past to the door. “It’s all her influence, you know, she’s grim. Get out whilst you can, Hes.”

“I’m running,” she called after them.

“You’re stuck with me, Sirius,” Marlene said conversationally. “It’s in the deeds of the building, baby.”

“Lucky me,” Sirius shot back dryly as they walked through to reception.

“Have a nice night with your brother, Sirius.” Ben was leaning on the reception desk.

Sirius stopped, ignoring Marly’s screech as she nearly crashed into them. “Yeah… sure? How’d you know we were hanging out?”

“Umm… we were texting? He said he was hanging with Lupin today then having dinner with you two.”

_ Texting. _ Sirius tried to remember Remus in their head, telling them to let Regulus live a little, and that Ben  _ was _ a nice guy. They leaned their elbows on the reception desk, narrowing their eyes at Ben for a minute. “He’s a good kid, you know.”

“He’s… isn’t he 26? And yeah, he’s a good guy.” Ben looked flustered.

“Still my little brother, Benjy.” 

“I — I know.” Benjy nodded. “We’re just talking.”

“Good.” Sirius knocked on the desk before straightening up and heading out of the front doors. 

“What the fuck was that?” Marlene gave them a shove.

“What?” Sirius squawked back, shoving her. “Just talking!”

“That was not just talking, Sirius. My god, that was like you trying to scare Ben.” Marlene snickered.

“Well maybe he should be a little scared! Because if he messes Reggie around I’m not gonna be happy!”

“Ben is so sweet, I don’t know how he puts up with us most of the time. I think he would be good for your brother. Plus, they make a cute couple. Didn’t you see them flirting the first night we went out? Probably not, you were busy taking your leggings off under the table.” Marlene waved her hand.

“We agreed not to talk about that,” Sirius hissed, pushing her hand down back to her side. “No, I did not see them flirting! Were they flirting? I didn’t know Reggie knew how to flirt!”

“Yes, they were  _ flirting _ . It’s very sweet and innocent. It’s not like they were swapping spit. Relax. Your brother is a real live person.”

“Oh god… okay.” Sirius let out a long sigh. “I just feel like I need to make up for like a decade of not looking after him, you know?” They shook their head. “But anyway, listen, I’ve been meaning to ask you, where did you get that harness from, eh?”

“Oh! There’s this really great shop you and Remus should check out…”

Thankful that they knew Marlene so well as to distract her from any accidental vulnerability, Sirius got the details of the sex shop from her before bidding her goodbye as they got on the bus back to the flat. 

It was so good to be able to sit on the sofa with Remus and Regulus without the horrific tension that there was a few weeks ago. Dinner had been a roaring success and although Reg really didn’t know how to cook, they all managed to make something fairly tasty. Sirius was a bit sad they’d finished the plate of brownies they’d made a few days earlier. Of course, that made them think of Hope’s brownies that were sat in the freezer. Maybe they could defrost one and have it tonight after Regulus had gone home. Hope was always extolling the virtues of weed as pain relief, after all. Sirius took one out of the freezer whilst getting another glass of wine and stuck it at the back of the counter under a plate to defrost for a while, and then forgot all about it in favour of another glass of wine.

The three got halfway through an episode of some show Sirius wasn’t really watching before they stood up and kissed Remus on the cheek. “Okay, I’m going for a shower quickly, I can’t stand myself. You two alright for a minute?”

“I think we can survive.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“We’ll talk about you when you’re gone, don’t worry.” Regulus laughed.

“Oh good, please do,” Sirius said sweetly, swatting Regulus around the head before walking off to the bathroom.

It was so heartwarming to see their boyfriend and brother getting on so well. Sirius had hated it when they were snipping at each other, or when they outright argued, but everything seemed better now everyone had space. Reg was enjoying his job at PureFit and was seeming more and more sure of himself. Sirius and Remus were getting on again, enjoying being together again and talking so much more than they used to.

Sirius showered quickly before padding through to the bedroom and pulling on their comfiest sweats and an Ascendence t-shirt. They came back into the living room, finger-combing their hair, and saw Remus and Regulus sitting on the sofa, still watching the same show. Except, Regulus was eating a brownie.

_ Shit _ .

“Reggie?” Sirius asked, leaning over the back of the sofa as he finished the last corner. “Where did you get that brownie?”

“Umm… in the kitchen. It was the last one, Remus said it was okay. Sorry if you wanted it.” Regulus looked back at them.

“Ah, er—” Sirius hit Remus on the arm. “No, I mean. That’s— Remus that’s one of your mam’s brownies. We ate the ones we made a few days ago.”

Remus sat up straight and turned around to Sirius with wide eyes. “Oh, oh no.”

“Oh no what?” Regulus stood up. “What?”

Sirius straightened, holding their hands up. “Nothing  _ awful _ . It’s just, er, ha. Hope grows her own weed… and is quite fond of edibles… as is Remus…”

“No… no… I… oh no…”

“It’s okay, Regulus.” Remus’ voice was calm. “Don’t worry.”

“Yeah,” Sirius agreed, skirting around the sofa to take Regulus by the arm and try to steer him back into a seat. “It’s okay, it’s no big deal. If you panic it’ll be worse, kid.”

“WORSE?” Regulus glanced between Remus and Sirius. “Worse? What the fuck?”

“Dear god,” Remus muttered. “It’s just, it’s fine. But if you panic about it, it won’t be fine. Have you ever smoked before?”

“No!” Regulus put his hands over his face. “Oh my god.”

Sirius sat next to Regulus, putting their arm around his shoulders. Oh god, it was vaguely funny now they thought about it. “It’s  _ fine _ kid, you’ll just get high, but that’s  _ fine _ . You’re here with us, nothing will happen.” Sirius bit their lip, shooting Remus a look, trying not to smile. They could’ve sworn they’d told Remus the brownie was defrosting on the counter but maybe not…

“Yeah, it’s good you’re here with us, and Sirius saw. At least you know.” Remus patted Regulus’ back. “Just… sit back and we’ll put on a movie.”

“Yeah, at least I realised. Here, sit back, I’ll get you some water.” Sirius patted him on the shoulder, smiling at Remus as they stood up.

“Okay, yeah…” Regulus pulled his legs up on to the sofa.

“Rem!” Sirius called from the kitchen after getting a glass, not even bothering to make something up for pretense. 

“Coming, love. Don’t worry, Reg.” Remus smiled before coming into the kitchen with Sirius.

“I put it on the counter to defrost and could’ve sworn I told you. Sorry.” Sirius topped up their own glass with water and took a drink before filling the glass for Reg up.

“It’s fine, don’t worry.” Remus shook his head. “You didn’t tell me, but it’s okay.”

“Ugh, my head is full today.” Sirius crossed over to him and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “He’s freaking out, poor thing.”

“I know, I feel bad for him. I mean, I don’t know how to fix it either. There’s not much to do except wait.”

“Hopefully it’ll sink in and he’ll find it funny or something.” Sirius bit their lip, going back into the living room. They sat next to Reg, holding the water out to him. “Sorry kid, I’m not used to having someone else in the flat who  _ doesn’t _ know about Hope’s brownies. Should’ve labelled them better.”

“It’s okay. I mean, I’ve always wanted to get high… but it scared the hell out of me. Plus, where do you get weed?” Reg took the water.

“My mam’s kitchen,” Remus snickered.

Sirius grinned, shaking their head. “You know Remus used to be a massive stoner as well as a punk? The first time Hope found him smoking she was more upset it wasn’t her stuff than the fact he was getting high.”

“Okay, thank you, I was not a massive stoner.” Remus shook his head. “But yeah, she was pissed because she thought it could be laced with something.”

“Laced with something??”

“Oh! No, don’t worry, this is my mam’s stuff. The brownie, I mean, it’s fine.”

“No no, this stuff is good, it’s fine. God Remus, make it worse,” Sirius teased, shooting him a smile. They patted Regulus’ knee, trying to think of more stories to keep him entertained. “Yeah, Hope’s stuff is great. When we went for Christmas we shared a joint looking at old photo albums of Remus as a punk whilst Remus ate his weight in chocolate cake. Hope’s fucking wild, you’d love her.”

“Yeah?” Regulus furrowed his brow. “I’d love to meet her.”

“Well, you might, she’s going to be moving down here.” Remus grinned.

“Mmhm, she runs a shop and she’s been looking for a place up here and she might’ve found one. So we can introduce you when she visits next.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’d love that.” Regulus took a sip of his water.

“Yeah. She’s great.” Sirius smiled. Damn they were sort of looking forward to that brownie themselves.

It turned out that Regulus was, somehow, even more giggly than Sirius whilst high. Sirius had their hand clamped over their mouth trying not to outright howl at the look on their brother’s face watching the mediocre comedy show on the television.

“Oh god, that’s fucking hillarious, isn’t it Sirius?” Regulus was cackling.

Sirius bit their lip. “Mmhmm! So funny, kid.” They looked at Remus, widening their eyes at him a little. 

Remus leaned close and whispered in their ear, “Now you know what you look like and why I make fun of you.”

“Oh! Aww, you two are so adorable. I want a boyfriend.” Reg groaned then started laughing again.

Sirius sniggered, elbowing Remus. “I do not look like that, do I?” They patted Regulus on the knee. “You’re good how you are, kid.”

“Cuter, you are, but basically.” Remus’ voice was low.

“I know I’m good! But… ugh, Ben’s amazing, isn’t he?” Regulus sighed wistfully.

Sirius bit their lip. “Is he?” they said to Regulus before turning to Remus. “If he keeps talking about Ben I’m going to need a brownie myself to deal with this, Remus.”

Remus laughed, sitting back. “Yeah?”

“He is! Oh, he really is. He has these nice brown eyes and long eyelashes.” Regulus smiled.

“Oh god.” Sirius rubbed their hands over their face. “Is that really what I’m like?” they muttered half to themselves before straightening up again. “I hadn’t noticed, kid.” At least Regulus hadn’t started talking about his arse or something. Thank god. “But, don’t you want to get yourself settled a bit more before you start dating?”

Remus was still chuckling next to Sirius.

“NO! YES! I don’t know! He’s so nice. Ugh, and hot. Very hot.” Reg nodded then looked to Remus. “Oh my god, he loves Byron, did you know that?”

“I did not.” Remus laughed again.

“Remus,” Sirius said very sweetly, leaning into him. “Do you think they defrost well in the microwave?”

“Really?” Remus snorted as Regulus began to recite  _ The Cornelian. _ “I’ve done it before, so yes.”

“Oh thank god.” Sirius leapt from the sofa as Regulus started on the fourth stanza, going straight to the freezer and the tupperware from Hope. “Oh  _ shit _ .”

“Yes, love?” Remus called back.

“That was the last one!” Sirius let the freezer door swing shut, trudging back into the living room. Reg was still going.

“Tough luck.” Remus sighed. “You know this poem is about a choir boy?” He asked but Reggie didn’t stop.

Sirius wrapped their arms around Remus’ shoulders from behind, pressing a kiss to behind his ear. “You could roll me a joint, if you liked?”

“Ugh, okay, good luck I love you.” Remus gave them a kiss on the cheek before standing up.

“No no,” Sirius pulled him back down. “I’ll go get the stuff. You listen to Byron.” They stood up, grinning. “You’re very good at reading aloud, Reggie.”

“Oh, thanks.” Regulus sat up straight. “Remus, did you know Byron was bi. Ha, Bi-ron.”

Sirius snorted with laughter, shaking their head as they went to the bedroom and to the nightstand to dig out the stash Hope sent them home with last time. They could hear Regulus laughing just as loud in here as it sounded in the living room. Sirius couldn’t care, it was great to hear him laugh, regardless of the circumstances.


	22. Chapter 22

Remus was trying to focus on rolling the joint as he sat on the floor in front of the coffee table, but he was currently being distracted by Regulus on another roll of laughter and Sirius  _ staring _ at his hands. Well, he couldn’t see them staring at his hands because Sirius was sitting behind him with their legs on either side of him, but he could feel them staring. “Stop,” he muttered before licking the edge.

Sirius pressed a kiss to the top of his head, their voice low beneath Regulus’ laughter. “Don’t deny me my pleasure, caro.”

Remus shook his head, reaching for the pen to pack the end. He handed the joint off to Sirius. “There you go.”

Regulus sat up, peering over at them both, like he’d only just noticed Remus wasn’t sat on the sofa. “What are you doing?”

“I was rolling a joint, Reggie,” Remus informed him and passed Sirius the lighter.

“Oh.” Regulus shook his head, grinning. “Why is it called a joint, dya think?”

Remus heard the sound of the lighter, and then a moment later there was a plume of smoke next to his ear. “I don’t know,” Sirius mused, a smile in their voice. “Do you, o literary one?”

“Well, there’s a few reasons, I think. I’ve never been able to figure out what is right. It comes from the word joined in French. It was also slang in New York back in the day when they were trying to avoid the cops,” Remus explained to the siblings.

“See, this is why I find your teenage years fascinating, Remus. Because you were a punk who got stoned but it was your  _ mum’s _ weed and of course you know the etymology of all the drug slang.” Sirius laughed, looping their arm over Remus’ shoulder.

“Punks can be smart too you know?” Remus tipped his head back to look at Sirius.

Sirius grinned, kissing Remus on the forehead. “But where did you find all that time to spend in the library when you were off protesting the government?” They teased, blowing smoke towards him before holding the joint out in offering.

“Ugh,” Regulus groaned, flopping back onto the other arm of the sofa. “You two are too cute.”

Remus snickered, taking the joint. “I read on the bus.” Remus shrugged before taking a drag.

“Can I try that?” Regulus sat forward again—he seemed unable to sit still for even a second—looking at Remus with wide, inquisitive eyes.

“NO!” Remus and Sirius shouted at the same time.

Regulus burst out laughing. “You’re such an old married couple! Talking in sync and everything!” 

To Remus’ horror, Sirius laughed from behind him. “Shut up.”

Remus stayed quiet, taking another drag. He did not want to go down the marriage rabbit hole today.

“You are!” 

“Are not, shut up.” Sirius unhooked their arms from around Remus’ shoulder and the  _ ooft _ that came from one of the Black siblings told him Sirius had probably just shoved Regulus, but it was hard to tell with them both laughing.

“Oh my god,” Remus said softly. “You two are like teenagers.”

Sirius’ hand was back on Remus’ shoulder, their other hand reaching over to take the joint again. They kissed the nape of Remus’ neck. “Clearly this is what weed does. You turn into a teenager when you’re high too, Mr. Lupin.”

“Me? No, I do not.” Remus scoffed at the thought.

“Need I remind you,” Sirius said sweetly, “of Boxing Day at your mother’s house?”

“That wasn’t the  _ weed _ my love.” Remus whacked their leg.

“What happened on Boxing Day?” Regulus managed through laughter, slipping from the sofa to sit on the floor in front of it.

“Nothing, Regulus.” Remus shook his head.

“I’m starting to think that  _ nothing _ is code for  _ something horrific I don’t want to know about my sibling _ ,” Regulus said, his head resting back on the sofa cushions.

“Well, you see, Reggie—” Sirius’ head appeared next to his, grinning. Remus couldn’t quite figure out how they were sitting— “when two people love each other very much, or sometimes not, I guess. When two people are very attracted to each other they can take all their clothes off—or sometimes not, I guess. They can take off  _ certain _ pieces of clothing, depending on what—”

“Oh god.” Regulus reached back and swatted at Sirius’ shoulder. “No, god fuck don’t give me the sex talk.”

“Please god, Sirius.” Remus felt his cheeks burning.

Sirius sat up and then a moment later slid off the sofa too to sit between Remus and Regulus, looking very focused and serious all of a sudden. “Do you even know how to put a condom on?”

“Oh my god,” Remus repeated, pinching the joint from Sirius’ fingers.

Regulus was laughing too much to answer for a moment. He shook his head—probably in disbelief—but Sirius apparently took that as a  _ no _ .

“I didn’t think you would!” They cried, turning to Regulus more and nestling their back against Remus’ arm. “I don’t even think we have any bananas…” they trailed off for a moment before snickering with laughter. “Okay, no, look, it’s fine. You know you don’t  _ have _ to, provided you’re both tested and clean and all that, like, Remus and I don’t bother with them and it’s—”

“SIRIUS! MARLY LEVELS! STOP!” Remus shouted, waving his free hand around.

Sirius burst out laughing, putting their head in their hands, their shoulders shaking.

“Marly levels?” Regulus, always with the questions, asked through his own laughter.

“Oversharing, Marly is an oversharer, especially with sex.” Remus chuckled.

“At least I didn’t tell you what Remus’ dick tastes like, Reggie!” Sirius said, descending back into fits of laughter again.

“Oh my fucking god.” Remus’ eyes went wide.

Regulus was rolling on the floor with laughter now.

Sirius reached out for the joint, one hand still over their face in a vague—not successful—attempt at stifling their laughter. “See, not quite Marly levels!”

“Too close!” Remus wrapped his arm around their waist, handing the joint over.

“Quite close,” Sirius agreed, tipping their head back onto Remus’ chest and grinning up at him, joint between their teeth. “Hi caro.”

“Hi, love.” Remus kissed their cheek, pulling them a little closer.

Sirius grinned, letting the smoke slip out of their mouth up towards Remus. “Why didn’t we think of this before? This is great bonding.”

Remus hummed for a moment, nearly moving closer but then he heard Regulus groan.

“I just want that!” Regulus gestured to them.

Sirius bit their lip, sitting up again. “You’ll find someone.”

“You’ve got to ask Ben for a date, I’m telling you, Reggie.” Remus took the joint back.

“What?” Sirius gave a Marly-level shriek, looking back to Remus.

“I know!” Regulus waved a hand in the air, slumped back against the sofa. “I knowww, I know, he’s so hot and I’m so gay.”

“He is hot and you are gay, so go for it.” Remus encouraged the man, he was ignoring Sirius.

“But what if he’s a dick to me about that thing,” Regulus groaned, looking over at Remus with baleful eyes.

“Yeah! What if he’s a dick, Remus, what if he’s a dick about—what thing?” Sirius sat up, frowning. “What thing?”

“He won’t be a dick about the thing. I have some faith in him not being a dick. Don’t listen to Sirius.” Remus continued to pretend not to hear his partner.

“Sshh, Remus!” Sirius waved a hand behind them. “What thing, Reggie?”

Regulus huffed a big sigh. “I’m demi.”

“Oh.” Sirius’ shoulders shook for a moment. “Oh, that’s it?”

“Sirius!” Remus hit them in the shoulder.

“No! Ah, no, I mean, like, Christ I thought you were going to say something awful, kid!” Sirius rubbed at the point on their shoulder, grumbling a little. “No, no I mean that’s great. I’m glad you know and you can tell anyone you date and if they  _ are _ a dick to you I can come and kill them!”

“No! No, no killing.” Remus shook his head.

“That would be good, if they were a dick,” Regulus agreed, nodding sagely.

“Right!” Sirius gestured to their brother, giving Remus a smug look over their shoulder as if to say  _ see _ .

“No, no killing. Oh my god. No. Ben won’t be a dick.” Remus took another drag.

Sirius sighed. “You really like him?”

Regulus nodded, biting his lip and looking very much like his older sibling.

“And you feel like you’re stable enough to date right now?” Sirius glanced to the side, holding their hand out for the joint. Remus didn’t pass it to them, he put it back to his lips.

“Mhmm.” Regulus nodded again, smiling softly.

“And you think he likes you too? You think he’ll be good to you?” Sirius waggled their fingers. Remus continued to ignore Sirius, putting his hand in theirs instead.

“Yeah,” Regulus said, smiling more now. “I think so, and Dorcas says he likes me and you reckon he’s nice, right Remus?”

“Yes, he’s nice. Ask him to coffee,” Remus encouraged.

Sirius paused for a moment. “Okay. So long as he makes you happy, kid.”

“Exactly, and we’ll always be here, no matter, right Sirius?” Remus took another hit.

“Exactly, and I—” Sirius turned to look at Remus, their jaw falling open. “Oi! I thought you weren’t giving it to me because you’d finished it!”

Regulus started laughing again.

“You don’t need anymore!” Remus squeezed their hand.

Sirius pouted. “Need and want are two very different things.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “That pout will not work on me.”

“Mm, are you sure?” 

“More than.” Remus grinned.

Over Sirius’ shoulder, Regulus heaved himself up from the floor with a groan. “I just need the bathroom,” he said, more to himself.

Sirius glanced away from Remus for a moment to look up at him. “Alright?”

“Yeah yeah.” Regulus waved a hand before disappearing down the hallway to the bathroom.

Sirius looked back to Remus with a wry smile, biting their lip. “Caro, darling, can I have another hit,  _ per favore _ ?”

“No.” Remus had much more will power than Sirius.

“Ugh.” Sirius threw their head back, shifting forward so they were sat right against Remus, one arm going around his shoulders. “If you let me, I have a piece of information I think you’ll find  _ very _ interesting.”

Remus furrowed his brow. “What?”

Sirius grinned, leaning forward to take the joint, pressing a kiss to Remus’ jaw as they did. “That’s not how it works.”

“You’re so mean. You know I love information.” Remus huffed, still holding his arm away from Sirius.

“I know you do, caro.” Sirius kissed their way along Remus’ jaw to his ear. “You’re mean to me sometimes too.”

“What?  _ Never _ .” Remus sighed at the kisses.

Sirius chuckled, nipping at Remus’ earlobe. “That’s a massive lie.”

“Give me an example.” Remus looked at the joint. There was maybe one or two hits left… maybe…

“Oh I don’t know,” Sirius murmured into Remus’ ear, one hand running down his arm, “maybe the day after your birthday when you wouldn’t fuck me properly.”

“I did… eventually. You liked it.” Remus smirked.

“ _ Maybe _ .” Sirius’ fingers slid around Remus’ wrist towards where the joint was sitting between his fingers. “I guarantee you’ll really like this thing Marlene told me.”

“Fine.” Remus huffed, bringing the joint towards Sirius’ lips.

Sirius grinned, leaning forward, their gaze flickering over Remus’ face. “So I asked Marly where she got your gift from,” they said softly before closing their lips around the joint and taking a drag.

“And…” Remus watched them.

“And.” Sirius blew their smoke across at Remus, grinning. “I went on their website on the bus home and I think we should go. It’s across town near where Hes lives.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Mmhmm.” Sirius grinned, leaning back in to kiss Remus on the lips. “She said there was lots of stuff and she struggled to choose for your birthday.”

“Oh.” Remus grinned. “We should go then.”

“Yeah,” Sirius agreed. They looked like they were about to say something else when the bathroom door clicked open and Regulus came out into the hallway.

“I’m going to go home—back to the Potters, I mean. I think I’m sober enough?” Regulus came to sit back on the arm of the sofa.

Sirius gave Remus a knowing smile before sitting back. “Okay, if you’re sure. I’ll get you an Uber?”

“Are you sure, Reggie? You can stay on the sofa.” Remus didn’t like the idea of sending Regulus off. He was also not very interested in the advances tonight from Sirius, but he wouldn’t mind kissing them while they got off.

Sirius grinned, looking between Remus and their brother. “Oh. Is that alright, Rem, really?”

“I wouldn’t want to be a bother…”

“You’re really not. I’d rather you be safe here.”

“Okay. Er—thank you, both of you.” Regulus scratched at his ear, smiling.

“Of course, anyone else hungry?” Remus gave Sirius a squeeze.


	23. Chapter 23

Sirius was glad they didn’t tell Marly where they were going this evening after work. The mood she was in today (Sirius could only guess she and Dorcas were off this weekend too), Sirius thought they’d never hear the end of it, not to mention leave with a huge list of  _ detailed _ recommendations.

Their stoned confession to Remus that they’d found out where his birthday harness came from had gone somewhere after all. The next morning  _ Remus _ had been the one to bring it up again and suggest that they go before their trip to London to see King Princess. Sirius had, of course, agreed. There was a little bit of them that was nervous to go to a place like that with Remus, remembering when the day at Grope Mountain had made them feel so uncomfortable about their self-image. Besides, if Remus was okay with going—providing he wasn’t feeling entirely sex-repulsed when they did decide to go—then Sirius would be okay. It would be fun to see how much they could get him to blush now that they knew leather might be one of his  _ things _ .

_ I’m on the bus. It goes past PureFit so if you’re not at the stop I’ll just jump off and wait for you.  _ 💙

_ Thought about what you want to look at in the shop?  _ 😏

**I’ll be there, love.**

**I’m not sure what I want to look at.**

_ If there’s nothing that catches your eye, that’s okay as well! _

**I know, we’ll see. We can always just look.**

**Maybe we can get you something for when I’m not in the mood.**

_ Oh. _

_ That could be good, couldn’t it? _

_ You could watch, if you wanted _

**Yeah, could do that.**

_ How was your day? _

_ Bus isn’t far from you, I don’t think  _

**It was fine. Long because I’m thinking about our weekend away.**

**Yours?**

_ Marly was Peak Marly today. She’s buzzing for something and kept dropping lewd hints I wasn’t going to take the bait for _

_ So I’m tired, but good. So excited for the weekend _

**I’ve been listening to KP on loop all day when I’ve had time.**

_ Me too!  _

_ We choreographed a routine to Cheap Queen in the advanced class today _

**Ah! Brilliant.**

**Your Holy one is still burned in my memory.**

**Oh! I see the bus.**

_ I’d hope so _

_ Ah, I see you! _

Sirius grinned, pulling their bag from the seat next to them to make room for Remus as he stepped onto the bus.

“Hi, love.” Remus slid into the seat next to them.

“Hi you,” Sirius murmured, kissing his cheek. 

“I can’t wait to leave for London.” Remus put an arm around their shoulders. “Our airbnb looks very nice. The reviews say it has a nice bed.”

Sirius chuckled. “It has a  _ nice bed _ . Well, the King of Sleep needs his domain.”

“Don’t you know it.” Remus put his hand on their thigh.

“Of course, caro.” Sirius laced their fingers, grinning.

“I’ve never been to a place like this before,” Remus said vaguely. He had to be referring to the sex shop.

Sirius tipped their head onto his shoulder, taking a second. “I went to one when I was a teenager but that’s it. It was sort of grim… this place looks really upmarket though.”

“Yeah, I looked at the site. Seems fairly fancy and very clean.” Remus nodded.

“Clean,” Sirius teased. “I’m sure it’ll be fun to look around.”

“This feels like a very coupley thing to do.” Remus snickered, turning to kiss Sirius on the mouth softly and quickly.

“Mm, I’d hope so. We are very much a couple.” Sirius grinned, lingering a little.

“Thank goodness.” Remus sighed.

Sirius nudged him, laughing. “You’re so funny.” They glanced out of the window, seeing the street Marlene had mentioned, oh wow they were in a nice part of town. “Oh! This stop is ours!” They reached over to press the buzzer.

“Over here? Wow, it really is upmarket, huh?” Remus stood up.

“Right! Marly has taste…” Sirius squeezed past Remus, heading down the aisle and stepping off with a thank you to the bus driver on the way.

It took them only a few minutes to find the shop. It was very different to the shop Sirius had been in once before as a teenager getting to grips with their sexuality, and looked about as upmarket as the rest of the street. “Oh, here it is…  _ Madame Malkinns _ ,” Sirius read from the fancy engraved sign. “Looks real posh…”

“Very posh, and here I am in my climbing clothes.” Remus opened the door for Sirius.

Sirius gave their own workout shorts and tank top with  _ It Might Look Like I’m Listening to You, But in My Head I’m Pole Dancing _ emblazoned on it. “Yeah, I don’t think I’m much better. Feel like I need to be in my suit.” Sirius stepped through the door, looking around the room.

The shop had lots of downlighting and a plush carpet and glass shelves with various  _ things _ placed upon them like Sirius saw in the designer stores. There were racks of leather and latex too and what looked like little alcoves that might be dedicated to certain kinks or something. 

“Ah, where do we start?” Remus looked around, taking Sirius’ hand.

“Well,” Sirius said, squeezing his hand and looking around themselves. “Anything catch your eye?” There were a few things that were catching Sirius’ eye but they didn’t want to run off and leave Remus to everything. Sirius smiled nicely at the staff member at a fancy looking counter before looking back to Remus.

“I don’t know…” Remus frowned, looking thoughtful. “Show me what you want.”

Sirius bit their lip, smiling. “Okay, if you  _ insist _ .” Sirius squeezed his hand, trailing with him over to the stand that caught their eye, rows of pretty metal chokers fastened with silk rope; there were gunmetal ones, gold ones, rose gold, bright silver. “These are  _ pretty _ .”

“Oh, very pretty, princess.” Remus nodded.

Sirius smiled, feeling their insides go all squiggly at Remus’ voice. “Mmhmm. You think?” They plucked up the silver one and held it up to their throat.

Remus grinned. “Very nice.”

“I really like it, it totally passes as a necklace too and I—” Sirius turned the tag over, their eyes wide— “Holy  _ shit _ , three hundred quid?!”

“Okay… maybe not that nice…” Remus made a face.

Sirius shoved the choker back onto the shelf, grimacing. “Yeah, not that pretty, good god.” They stepped back, shoving their hands in their pockets.

“Okay, let’s look at something else.” Remus chuckled a little.

“Yeah,” Sirius murmured, looking around. “What’s catching your eye?”

“I don’t know… it’s like sexual sensory overload here. Can we just walk around and see?” Remus looked around again.

Sirius nodded. “Right?” They tugged Remus’ hand, pulling him around between the racks and shelves. There were more harnesses that looked gorgeous too. “Hey, there’s ours,” Sirius murmured, pointing to their harness.

“Hmm, yeah… you should bring that with you this weekend.” Remus smirked as he looked at the harness.

Sirius bit their lip. “It’s in my outfit for the gig,” they said softly, kissing the back of his hand.

“Oh god,” Remus muttered as they came upon the thigh highs. “Hmm, you should get a new pair of these.”

Sirius grinned, leaning against Remus’ side. “Oh yeah?”

“I like your legs, remember?” Remus touched one of the silk stockings.

“I remember, darling,” Sirius hummed, pressing a kiss to Remus’ shoulder. “Which ones do you like best?” Sirius was already wondering if they could redesign their outfit for the KP gig to include thigh highs.

“Hmm… I don’t know. You already have black ones. Maybe these? I like the line thing up the back?” Remus pointed to a pair.

“The  _ seam _ , caro.” Sirius chuckled, peering at them. “Not some fishnet ones?”

“I’m fine with either.” Remus shrugged a shoulder. “You’re wearing them.”

Sirius grinned. “Of course you’re fine with both.” They skirted around him, peering at the seam at the back of one pair to discover it was actually the phrase  _ tease me _ in cursive instead of a straight line. “Oh no,” Sirius said, pushing the thigh highs back onto the shelf. “Not those ones.”

“What? Why?” Remus reached for them.

Sirius bit their lip, rolling their eyes before stepping aside. “Look what it says.”

Remus turned the stockings around. “Tease me. Yes, you need to get these.” Remus held them up.

“Remus!” Sirius groaned, dropping their head back. “No because you’ll do exactly what they say.”

“I do that anyway.” Remus kissed their cheek. “You like it anyhow.”

Sirius smiled despite themselves. “I can’t refuse you.”

“So, we’ll get them?” Remus held them against his chest.

“Fine.”

“Fine, they say when they’re planning an outfit around them to drive me mad, I’m sure.” Remus shook his head. “Come on, let’s look at the toys.”

Sirius grinned. “I don’t know what you mean,” they said before turning out of the lingerie section and towards more glass shelves.

Remus scoffed at the statement. “You tease me as much as I tease you.”

“It’s like we’re switches, Remus,” Sirius said lightly, remembering the shower in Florence.

“Shocking.” Remus laughed. “Oh! Look! It’s a heart.” Remus held up a gold butt plug with a heart shaped stone at the end.

Sirius’ eyebrows jumped up. “That’s gaudy as all hell.”

“It’s a heart… I think it might look nice inside you.” Remus dropped his voice.

A shiver ran up Sirius’ spine at the tone of Remus’ voice. “Oh?”

“It is gaudy though.” He set the box back down.

Sirius pressed their mouth against his shoulder blade. “We can find a less gaudy one… although, wouldn’t you rather it just be you inside me?”

“Mmm… yeah… but… I think I like the idea of seeing it in you.” Remus licked his lips.

“Okay,” Sirius said quickly, eyes flickering over his face. “Let’s find one.”

“We don’t have to, it’s you that it’d be inside.” Remus shrugged.

“No, no.” Sirius took his hand, pulling him further along the shelves, looking at all the various plugs. “I want that look in your eyes.”

“You can get that look plenty of other ways. You don’t need to be uncomfortable for it.” Remus chewed at his bottom lip.

“Hey.” Sirius turned to him, cupping his cheeks in their hands. “I’m not going to agree to something I don’t want to do, Remus. I’m a mouthy bastard, I’m going to speak up. If you’re uncomfortable, we don’t have to be here.”

“I’m not uncomfortable, it’s fine.” Remus shook his head. “You said no at first and I should have dropped it.”

Sirius smiled, brushing their thumb over Remus’ cheekbone. “Look if I’m given the option of your cock and a plug it’s going to be the former every time but that doesn’t mean I’m  _ not _ down to try things with you, if it’s something you want to do.”

Remus nodded. “Okay, but you pick it out.”

“Okay.” Sirius smiled, leaning forward to kiss Remus lightly.

Remus kissed them back quickly. “What one do you like?”

Sirius kept a hold of Remus’ hand, looking up and down the shelves. “Oh, look.” They plucked up a similar plug to the one with the heart-shaped stone, although it was stainless steel with a slightly more classy-looking clear stone in the end. “The classier version.”

“Oh, that is nice… they have ones the vibrate,” Remus pointed out.

“What?” Sirius’ head whipped over to where Remus was pointing, tugging him along to take a closer look. “Oh my god some of them are remote-controlled.”

“Hmm, interesting.” Remus nodded.

“Oh, interesting?” Sirius said lightly, watching Remus’ face but he could give nothing away if he didn’t want to.

Remus leaned close to their ear. “You could fuck me while you’re wearing this and I could still control something.”

Sirius swallowed hard, tilting their head instinctively. “I definitely could,” they murmured, their mind already supplying them with plenty of mental images of what Remus said.

“I like that idea a lot.” Remus’ tone was back to normal.

“Yeah,” Sirius said, nodding. They blinked a few times to try and get rid of the image in their head but it was sticking around. “Me too. We should get it.”

“Okay, what color?” Remus pointed to them.

“Er... fuck.” Sirius glanced along the shelves. Well, the choices were pink, blue or black. “Black, I think,” they murmured, brain still fixed on the idea.

“Black, sure, sounds good.” Remus grabbed the correct box. “What else, love?”

“Right, right.” Sirius swallowed, glancing away from Remus for a moment. “I don’t know, I’m still distracted by your idea.” Sirius wandered down the aisles a little further, looking around at the shelves, until they stopped dead at the sight of a mannequin with what looked to be a very elaborate harness made out of ropes. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Remus repeated, standing beside them. “Ropes?”

Next to the mannequin was a little tablet screen with various photos scrolling past, all pretty tasteful with pretty ropes and knots, wrists and ankles and such. Sirius glanced sideways to Remus. “That’s really pretty, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, those knots are interesting.” Remus moved closer.

Sirius rolled their eyes, the spell of the moment gone completely. “The knots,” they said, but they couldn’t help grinning because of  _ course _ Remus would be focused on the knots.

“I mean, it looks pretty too, love.” Remus spoke quickly.

“I think I’d want to tie you up if it weren’t for the fact I know you’d bitch about my technique, caro.”

“I would be nice.” Remus rolled his eyes. “But could I tie you up too?”

Grinning, Sirius nudged him in the side. “We’re  _ switches _ , Remus. Duh, you could.”

Remus laughed. “Okay, I like the red rope there.”

Sirius crossed over and grabbed a bundle of it. “Oh, this is really soft. Okay there’s a reason we want this and not your climbing rope.” Sirius shuddered at the thought of that stuff.

Remus touched the rope. “Ah, not even close to the climbing rope. Wow, that’s nice.”

“I mean, don’t even  _ start _ on the tensile strength of this stuff, I imagine.  _ Definitely _ wouldn’t hold up to a cliff face, right?” Sirius grinned, teasing Remus by parroting the sort of stuff he chatted about.

“I was not even thinking about the tensile strength!” He rolled his eyes.

Grinning, Sirius hooked the rope over their arm. “I mean I think I’d be able to see it in your face if we were getting it on and you started wondering about the quality of my hitch knots.”

“I would not be thinking about climbing if we were in bed. I’m barely thinking about climbing right now. Though, you talking about that…” Remus just sighed.

“Oh there we go, my Austen heroine. You see I do pay attention when you’re all climbing talk. It’s mutual, you talk about climbing and it gets me hot because I get to see you being gorgeous, and then I remember all the terminology so I can talk about it and get  _ you _ hot.” Sirius chuckled, taking Remus’ hand.

“Ah, good.” Remus tugged them along. “Anything else?”

Sirius was leaning their hip against the counter as the staff member rang through their purchases. They’d fallen in love with a leather collar, despite the connotations it obviously came with in a place like this. It looked good and Remus’ eyes went a little dark when they held it up against themselves. Other than that they hadn’t bought anything else, apart from more lube because that was  _ always _ a good idea.

The bell above the door chimed and Sirius glanced over towards the sound, getting the fright of their lives when a very familiar face appeared in the store.

“Benjy! Hi!” Sirius called, realising immediately after that maybe greeting friends this excitedly in a sex shop wasn’t the  _ done thing _ .

Ben flushed a deep red. “Ah, Sirius, hi.”

“Oh…” Remus said under his breath.

Oh,  _ shit _ . This was not good. “Er—” What did you say to a friend in a sex shop— _ just browsing? Coming for anything in particular? _ Sirius cringed at their own internal monologue. Oh god, and Ben was interested in their  _ little brother _ . Not that Sirius wanted to kink-shame anyone but especially in light of Regulus’ confession last week, Sirius wanted to protect him. “I thought you were meeting Reggie for coffee this evening, Ben?”

“I… I… I am…” Ben looked to Remus as if he needed some help.

Sirius crossed their arms over their chest, trying not to cause a scene in this fancy, upmarket sex shop. “Not for a while then, I presume.”

“Um, right… right after this. The shop is…” Ben pointed.

“Oh sure. This is naturally where I’d come before a coffee date, too.”

“Sirius,” Remus put a hand on their arm. “It’s time for us to get going.”

“Right,” Sirius said, still looking at Benjy. He was their friend but if he hurt or upset Reggie that wouldn’t matter.

“Bye, Ben.” Remus steered them out the door.

Sirius scoffed, looking back towards the door. “I swear if Reggie says  _ anything _ .”

“Sirius,” Remus repeated. “Stop.”

“What?”

“You don’t know why he was in there. Stop jumping to conclusions.” Remus shook his head as they walked towards the bus stop.

“I just don’t want Reggie to get hurt, Rem.”

“Me neither, love, but we don’t know it will happen. Look, what did you try the first night we met? Hmm?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

Sirius puffed out their cheeks, shoving their hands in their pockets. “Yeah, I know. I hate it when you logic me.”

“You love my logic, it turns you on,” Remus teased them. “Come on, let’s get home and pack.”

“That’s unfairly true,” Sirius shot back, grinning.


	24. Chapter 24

Remus sat on the bed, waiting for Sirius to get out of the shower. The concert was in a few hours, but they decided they were going to get dinner first. They had arrived, and Sirius went right off to shower and start to get ready. Remus was glad all he had to do was throw on something a bit nicer. Sirius was always so much better dressed than him, and that was fine. He was much more interested in looking at Sirius than dressing himself.

Sirius’ music shut off in the bathroom then a moment later Remus heard the door open. He glanced up to see Sirius leaning against the doorframe, smiling. To his surprise, they were already dressed, in a white Rolling Stones t-shirt, with Remus’ birthday harness over the top, a black tube skirt and Doc Marten boots. Sirius shifted their hips a little and Remus realised it wasn’t tights they were wearing but thigh highs, held up by little leather garters.

“Oh,” was all Remus could come out with for a moment.

Sirius scrubbed their hand through their hair, left loose around their shoulders. “What do you think?”

“Gorgeous.”

“Yeah?” Sirius crossed over, their boots thudding, to stand in front of Remus, one hand on their waist.

Remus reached forward, sliding his hands up their thighs. “Are those your new thigh highs?”

“Mhmm,” Sirius murmured, hips canting forward a little.

“Oh, this concert is going to be a test of my wills.” Remus’ hands went under Sirius’ skirt.

“But it’s  _ KP _ ,” Sirius said, grinning. “Plus we’ll be standing and all pressed together and dancing.”

“Hmm, I know.” Remus’ fingers traced over the leather straps. “That’s the major issue.”

Sirius trailed their fingers through Remus’ hair, scratching his scalp slightly. “Poor darling.”

“Mmm.” Remus rested his forehead on Sirius’ stomach, hands trailed upward even more, hiking up Sirius’ skirt.

“Oi,” Sirius said half-heartedly, kissing the top of Remus’ head.

“Hmm?” Remus’ hands went up to the edge of where Sirius’ briefs were on their thighs.

Sirius wriggled their hips. “We’re meant to be going out to dinner.”

“I’m not feeling very convinced.” Remus’ fingers slipped under the hem.

“What?” Sirius gasped, their hand tightening on Remus’ shoulder. “Remus Lupin, not wanting food?”

“I know, shocking.” Remus sat back, biting his lip and looking up at Sirius.

Sirius laughed, throwing their head back. The collar was snug around their throat and moved a little with their laughter. “Don’t give me those eyes or we’ll never leave this bed.”

“Ugh, okay. I bought you these tickets to actually see the show.” Remus pushed himself up.

“After the show we can come back here and you can enjoy the thigh highs, hm?”

“And the harness.” Remus gave Sirius a soft tap on the bum.

“And the harness,” Sirius agreed, grinning. “I thought the leg one was a little too much for this. Which is why I like these garters, right?” Sirius twisted one leg to show the top of the thigh high and the leather strip holding it up.

“Sirius Black, if you want us to get to the concert, you’ll stop being a brat.” Remus turned his back to them, going to his suitcase.

“I mean I was just asking your opinion on the outfit,” Sirius hummed, going back towards the living room of the apartment they were renting.

“Don’t play coy!” Remus called after them.

“You love it!” 

“I do,” Remus whispered to himself as he got dressed.

They managed to make it out of the apartment and to the place they were having dinner without Remus losing his mind. Following dinner they went to the venue and got right in without having to wait too long in line. Remus was excited for the show. It had been a while since he’d gone to one. Plus, it was King Princess, and she’d been present in Remus and Sirius’ relationship all along — as cheesy as that was.

The opening act was decent, and they got fairly close, but stayed off to the side. “Are you excited?” Remus nudged Sirius’ shoulder.

Sirius put one arm around Remus’ waist, grinning. “Mhmm, I’m excited to see her. I’ve heard her vocals live are great.”

“Snob.” Remus kissed their temple.

“Ah yes, the person with the vinyl collection is a music snob?” Sirius teased, leaning against him.

“Weird, huh?” Remus laughed. “What song are you most excited about?”

“Oh, that’s a tough choice. I think  _ Holy _ , right? But I do love  _ Cheap Queen _ …”

“ _ Holy _ , for sure… how many times have we made out to that song?” Remus grinned, wrapping both arms around Sirius.

Sirius leaned their weight into him, head tipping back onto his shoulder. “And more than. Plus that time I danced to it for you.”

“I was trying not to think about that.” Remus shook his head. “I’m trying to be good.”

“Good thing I’m not,” Sirius shot back.

“Sirius, save it for about an hour and a half from now.” Remus nipped at their neck.

“Spoil all my fun.” Sirius tilted their head to the side, their eyes drifting back to the stage.

“Oh, I think she’s coming on.” Remus kissed their neck once more as the lights went back down.

Just before the crowd started cheering, Sirius turned and pressed their mouth against Remus’ ear, murmuring, “You know, I have that plug in my bag at the apartment.”

Remus felt his eyes widen. “I… fuck… just wait ‘til I have that control later.”

Sirius laughed, kissing the spot beneath Remus’ ear before turning back to the stage, clapping and cheering.

King Princess lived up to everything Remus was hoping for. It took nearly everything not to snog Sirius silly during Holy… though he did kiss their neck a bit. Sirius also spent most of the show dancing all up against him. He was practically vibrating with want by the time the show ended. He was going a bit crazy, really, by the time she finished her encore.

“Let’s go.” Remus grabbed Sirius’ hand as the lights came back up.

“She might do another encore!” Sirius was still clapping, watching the edges of the stage.

“She won’t! The lights are up! Have you never been to a show?” Remus practically dragged Sirius through the crowd.

“Okay, okay!” Sirius laughed, keeping up with Remus weaving through the crowd. “Someone’s eager.”

Remus pulled Sirius close. “Sirius, I’ve been eager since you walked out looking like that hours ago. Then you danced against me for the last few hours.”

Sirius looped their arms around his neck, biting their lip. “I was enjoying the show.”

“You were enjoying driving me mad.” Remus practically dragged Sirius through the crowd, lifting them off the ground a bit.

“Christ, Rem,” Sirius muttered a bit breathlessly, laughing.

“I just want you back in the apartment now.” Remus shook his head.

“Yeah.” Sirius pushed through the crowd, getting a little ahead of Remus to weave between people, light on their feet like the dancer they were.

“Oh, who’s eager now.” Remus smirked as they finally got out of the venue.

“I’m being kind to you,” Sirius retorted, smiling over their shoulder at him.

“Sure, yeah, kind to me after trying to kill me all night,” Remus complained.

Sirius shook their head, still striding down the street. After a moment they spoke back up. “KP was great, wasn’t she?”

“HA, you’re using my own tactic against me.” Remus scoffed, keeping up with Sirius’ fast pace.

“I am attempting to stop you from exploding because clearly me dancing to KP in thigh highs is too much for you, caro.” Sirius turned around, walking a few paces backwards to look at Remus. “Or would you rather not have the distraction?”

“I’m fine without the distraction for right now.” Remus came up behind them, putting his hand low on their back.

“Oh really?” Sirius bit their lip, glancing back at him.

“We’re nearly home, I can handle it.” Remus moved his hand a little lower.

“Remus we’re in public,” Sirius chastised, with a big grin.

“What? My hand is on your back, Sirius.” Remus shook his head.

Sirius rolled their eyes. “Sure.”

“Tell me where it is, if it is not on your back.” They turned up the street they were staying on.

“It’s very nearly not on my back, Mr. Lupin.”

“Very nearly is not the same as not,” Remus insisted.

“Mm, my favourite pedant.” Sirius leaned against the wall of the building they were staying in, crossing their arms over their chest.

“I know,” Remus hummed before kissing them soundly. Sirius kissed back, their arms staying across their chest, and Remus could feel them smiling into the kiss. “Let’s get inside, hmm? I’m dying to use the plug on you. Then maybe you can fuck me.”

Sirius grinned, their hands going to Remus’ waist. “Oh I can, can I? How kind of you Remus, so generous.”

“It’s the least I can do for the thigh highs… and the harness… and eventually the plug.”

“So, so generous.” Sirius kissed along Remus’ jaw. “How sweet.”


	25. Chapter 25

Sirius grinned as Remus urged them back towards the bedroom of their rented apartment, their hands on his hips, tugging him along with them. Sirius had been preoccupied, enjoying the concert and seeing King Princess live, including during  _ Holy _ when Remus practically gave them another hickey around the edge of their shirt collar. They hadn’t realised how worked up Remus had been getting all night, for the most part, until he dragged them out of the gig and back towards the apartment.

“Fuck, I want you so bad.” Remus’ hands were back on their arse.

“I couldn’t tell,” Sirius murmured, kissing down Remus’ neck as they steered him towards the bed and pushed him lightly to sit on the edge.

Remus fell back onto the bed, looking up at Sirius with  _ that _ smirk on his face. “I did nearly carry you out of the concert.”

Sirius chuckled, straddling Remus’ thighs. “You did. You were  _ very  _ insistent, caro. You’d think something had riled you up.”

“Huh, wonder what that could be.” Remus’ hands went for their thigh highs. “These things and the harness. Jesus.”

“Yeah?” Sirius knelt up, their shirt riding up a little. The only problem with this outfit was that the collar would need to come undone to get the shirt off and keep the harness on, and that was upsetting. “You really like my legs, huh?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “What do you think, love?” His hands played with the leather straps.

“Just a hunch, is all.” Sirius leaned down, kissing Remus’ neck, nipping softly. “What do you want, caro?”

“I want you with the least amount of clothes possible and I’m trying to figure out how to do that while keeping the things I like.” He laughed.

Sirius grinned. “Okay, caro, you sit back and watch.” They knelt up, wriggling their skirt down off their hips and down their thighs.

“Gladly.” Remus moved his hands for Sirius to get the skirt off.

“I’m presuming you want to keep the harness on?” Sirius murmured, pulling their skirt off and throwing it down towards their bag.

Remus just nodded, watching them carefully, hands going back for their thighs.

Sirius bit their lip, glad that they’d kicked their boots off by the door. “I’m afraid though, caro, that the collar part is going to have to come undone so I can get my shirt off.”

“We can put it back on after.” Remus grinned at them.

“I suppose.” Sirius leaned down, kissing Remus lightly. “Undo the buckle for me?”

“Turn around, love.” Remus kissed back, nipping at their bottom lip.

Shifting their weight, Sirius settled with their knees either side of Remus’ waist, their hands on his thighs.

“Mmm, okay.” Remus reached up, brushing their hair aside. “You just want my hands near you, doing things.”

“Mhhmm,” Sirius hummed, tilting their chin down to stretch their neck a little. “I do like your hands, caro.”

“I know.” Remus undid the buckle, carefully easing the collar off. “You suck on my fingers enough.”

Sirius squirmed at the tone of Remus’ voice, shifting their hips a little. “Mmmm, I do. You like it too.” They slid one hand down to palm over Remus’ cock through his jeans.

“Never, ah fuck, never was complaining about it.” He rocked his hips against Sirius’ touch.

“Didn’t think you were,” Sirius shot back, forcing themselves to straighten up. They gently pulled their shirt out from underneath the waist straps of the harness, drawing it up over their head and tossing it in the same direction as their skirt.

“Yeah, good.” Remus plucked at their briefs. “Last things and then we can get me out of my clothes?”

“Oh, did you want to get naked too?” Sirius grinned, kneeling up to pull down their briefs, making sure they didn’t catch on the leather garters.

“Yes, eventually, it’d be nice, seeing as I want you to fuck me.” Remus shrugged and made a face.

Sirius rolled their eyes, turning back around to face Remus as they threw their briefs in the same direction as the rest of their clothes. “Oh grumpy,” they murmured, leaning down to kiss him, one hand trailing down between their bodies to circle over him.

Remus moaned into the kiss, one hand around their waist and the other on the back of their thigh. “Don’t be a tease.”

“That’s what the thigh highs say, Remus.” Sirius smiled, still circling their fingers over him. “Do the buckle back up for me, will you?”

“Fuck, I’m —mmm— I’m supposed to tease you. That’s what they say.” Remus shook his head. “Move back closer and I’ll do the buckle, come on.”

With a little chuckle, Sirius shifted to the side of Remus and sprawled out next to him, smiling. “They don’t say  _ who _ , you know,” they murmured, their free hand coming up to cup Remus’ jaw, bringing him in for another kiss.

“They’re on you, love. It says tease me and the person wearing said thigh highs would be the me,” Remus said after pulling away from the kiss. He went to undo his shirt.

Sirius wriggled a little against the bedsheets, arms falling to beside their head. “Mmm, now I get to watch you.”

“Avoidance.” Remus stood up to get the bottom buttons.

“We both know you’ll tease me anyway, especially if you get that controller in your hand. I can’t help it if my boyfriend’s a sadist.” Sirius grinned, biting their lip watching him, fingers trailing absently down the straps of the harness.

“Yes, I can’t wait to get that controller after being nearly killed by you all night.” Remus tossed his shirt aside then started to undo his jeans.

Sitting up, Sirius let out a wolf whistle, grinning ear to ear. “I know you love it, don’t give me the sass.”

“Who’s the sadist now?” Remus pushed his jeans down then stepped out of them, kicking them aside. “I’m assuming you packed the lube in your bag.”

“Mmhm,” Sirius hummed, their gaze dragging down Remus’ body, enjoying every inch. “In the side pocket.” They shifted against the pillows, reaching behind them to redo the buckle of the collar, deciding Remus’ hands doing other things was probably more important.

Remus went to the luggage to fish the lube they had bought the other day out along with the red pouch that contained the plug and controller. “Have you ever used one of these before?”

Sirius shrugged a shoulder. “A few times.” Categorically, none of those times would be half as hot as what was about to happen with Remus, though, they could guarantee. “C’mere, I want to kiss you a minute first.”

He tossed the pouch and the lube on the bed before getting out of his boxers. “You know, I’ve never used any toys before? Probably not shocking.”

A shiver ran through Sirius; there was something about knowing there was bits of Remus only they got, and maybe would ever get, regardless of the future. “Mm, I like that.” Sirius knelt up, cupping Remus’ face and pulling him down for a kiss. “Means you’re all mine.”

“I like being all yours,” Remus sighed then kissed Sirius again, tongue sliding into their mouth. Sirius pulled him back onto the bed, kissing him deeply as their hands ranged down over his shoulders and back, down over his arse and the back of his thighs. God he was so gorgeous. “Can I get you ready then we can go from there?”

Sirius nodded, biting their lip. It had been a while since they had used any toys but the tone of Remus’ voice and the look in his eyes banished all the nervousness they could be feeling. They smiled, nipping Remus’ bottom lip. “Okay. Once it’s in you’re mine, though. I know what I want to do with you.” Sirius grinned, leaning up for another kiss. “How do you want me, caro?”

“On your back, I think, with your legs bent up,” Remus considered after breaking the kiss.

Sirius obliged, bending their legs, pressing up onto the balls of their feet, pointing their toes. God, Remus had such an intense look on his face that Sirius could never get enough of. Sure, they had always had zero inhibitions on stage and dancing but never in the bedroom like this until he came along. Something in Remus made Sirius mad with want, they would do anything to get him to smirk like he did or his eyes go wide like they did.

Reaching over for the lube and little pouch, Remus pressed a few kisses to their stomach. “I can’t wait until you’re inside me.”

“Oh,” Sirius breathed, shifting a little. They smiled, biting their lip and glancing down at Remus. “I’m gonna fuck you so good, Rem.”

Remus smiled before leaving opened mouth kisses over their cock, opening the lube at the same time. Sirius moaned, their eyes fluttering shut before they forced them back open to watch.

“God, your mouth…” 

“You love my mouth, I know. It does and says dirty things no one else on earth knows about.” Remus’ tongue followed the same path as his kisses as he poured the lube into his hands.

Sirius’ back arched, teeth digging into their lip. “Ah, fuck. It does. No one else gets to hear all the glorious noises you make.” They were torn for a moment between sinking into their banter, like always, enjoying Remus stretching everything out, and just begging him to get on with it.

“No, just you.” Remus rubbed a finger against them. “No one gets me like this, only you.” His tongue went back to Sirius’ cock as the finger pressed into them.

“Ahh.” Sirius shifted, pressing down against Remus’ touch, forcing themselves to stay present to enjoy the sight of his tongue all over them. “No one riles you up like I do, darling.”

“Mmm, never.” Remus crooked his finger inside them, moving it slowly.

“Ohh, god. Your fingers always feel so good.” Sirius pressed back against him, already a little breathless, wanting everything  _ now _ . 

“Oh yeah?” Remus swirled his tongue around the head of Sirius’ cock, finger moving still. He pressed another one in.

Sirius ground their hips against Remus’ hand, moaning softly at the stretch and the warmth of Remus’ tongue. “Fuck, yeah. Sometimes I—ah, I feel like I could just come from your fingers in me.”

“One day, we’ll try that.” Remus twisted his wrist.

A shiver ran through Sirius, making them drop their head back, moaning. “I bet you’d like that. Me, desperate to come, fucking myself on your fingers— _ fuck _ .”

“So fucking hot, Sirius. Everything you do is so fucking hot.” Remus groaned.

“Ah. Get that—get that fucking thing in me so I can fuck you.”

“One more, hold on,” Remus laughed as a third finger joined the others.

Sirius bit their lip to stifle another moan, hips canting towards Remus’ fingers.

“Keep fucking yourself on my fingers, Sirius, go ahead.” Remus’ voice was low.

“ _ Oh fuck _ .” Sirius reached up above them to grip onto the headboard, grinding their hips down against Remus’ hand, head still thrown back, eyes shut. “Oh fucking hell, Remus.”

“Shit, you’re so fucking hot, Sirius, you should see yourself.” Remus pressed a kiss to their inner thigh.

“Yeah?” Sirius swallowed, hips shifting. “Yeah? Wearing thigh highs and leather and fuck— _ ah _ , fucking myself on your fucking glorious fingers.”

“Yeah, shit, so… you’re bloody unbelievable. Are you ready?”

“Christ, yes. Fucking dying to get my hands on you,” Sirius shot back, hips still moving.

“Shit, Sirius, you have to stop moving before you  _ do _ come on my fingers.” Remus laughed softly.

Sirius groaned, letting out a long breath before stretching one leg out, resting it lightly on Remus’ shoulder. It was taking all of their concentration to stay still even though their body was wanting so, so much more.

“If you want you can come and we can just keep going.” Remus kissed their knee.

“No, no,” Sirius murmured, shaking their head a little. They knew what they wanted to do already, and the sooner Remus got the plug in them the sooner they could get their hands on him. It was just that Remus’ fingers created a little bit of a diversion in their plan.

“Okay, okay.” Remus chuckled, gently easing his fingers out. “All right?”

“Yes,” Sirius groaned, lifting their head back up to look at Remus kneeling between their legs. “I’m fine, I’m ready, don’t worry caro.”

“I know.” Remus smiled down at them, reaching for the plug and the lube again. “You were just so desperate for a minute there.”

“All that talk of your fingers,” Sirius said, smirking, watching what Remus was doing intently.

“I could tell.” Remus licked his lips as he put some lube on the plug.

Sirius shook their head, laughing softly. “Come  _ on _ , caro.” They wriggled their hips a little, lifting them up towards Remus. “Aren’t you usually desperate for my arse?”

“I’m so bloody desperate, but my cock’s not going in it today.” Remus shrugged, pressing the plug against Sirius’ entrance.

“Ah, I’ll make it up to you.” Sirius bit their lip, groaning softly as they watched Remus, gaze flickering between his hand between their legs and the look on his face.

“It must feel a lot different than my cock.” Remus watched as the tip of the plug entered Sirius.

Sirius chuckled, letting out a breath at the feeling of it pressing inside them. “God it’s nowhere near as good, my love.”

“Mm, but think, you get to be inside me while I’m controlling this.”

“I can’t wait.” Sirius could feel it, slick and cool and stretching a little. “How does it look?”

“Shit, so nice.” Remus hummed once it was all the way inside them. He ran his finger around the base.

Sirius shivered. “Fuck,” they mumbled, getting used to the feeling, sinking back into the bed a little.

“Okay?” Remus moved to lie next to them.

“Mmm, so good. C’mere.” Sirius stretched out, reaching to kiss him on the mouth, hands cupping either side of his neck. Remus kissed back, a hand trailing down their stomach.

After a few moments of kissing, Sirius heard a click then felt the plug vibrate inside them. Sirius broke the kiss on a gasp, their whole body clenching. “Oh fuck— _ shit _ , Remus, you bastard.” They panted for a moment before shifting to trail their mouth down Remus’ neck.

Remus just laughed, turning the vibration off again. “Had to see if it worked. Now, how do  _ you _ want  _ me. _ ”

Sirius huffed, pushing Remus onto his back. “Yeah, it works, good god,” they mumbled, biting softly at Remus’ neck, down to his collarbone.

“Excellent.” Remus brushed his free hand down their back.

After lavishing some attention on the point where Remus’ shoulder joined his collarbone, Sirius shifted, kissing a path down his chest. They nudged his knees apart to settle between them, swirling their tongue over one nipple.

“Ah,” Remus said with a gasp, arching up a little.

Sirius hummed in response, kissing across Remus’ chest, scraping their teeth a little, before they swirled their tongue over the other nipple. Remus let out another lovely noise, hand on Sirius’ back. Satisfied, Sirius continued their path down, kissing and licking, nuzzling at his navel for a moment. Sirius paused for a moment to glance up at Remus, smirking softly, their warm breath over the tip of his cock.

“Come on, Sirius.” Remus looked down at them.

Sirius bit their lip, staying for a second longer before hooking their hand behind Remus’ knee and hiking his leg up over their shoulder. The movement as they lay down shifted the plug a little, making them swallow back a groan as they pressed a kiss to Remus’ entrance.

“Oh, shit.” Remus pressed his hips towards Sirius.

“Yeah?” Sirius said softly, stroking the point of their tongue over him.

“Mmm, ah-huh.” Remus moaned lavishly.

Sirius hummed, smiling to themselves, switching between open-mouthed kisses and broad swipes with the flat of their tongue. Their hands slid around Remus’ thighs, fingers digging into his arse to hold him up so Sirius could devour him the way they’d been thinking of since they got back to the apartment.

“Oh my god, Sirius, fucking hell.” Remus rocked his hips.

“Mmhmm?” Sirius grinned, sure the teasing note in their voice carried. 

Remus let out another keening sound then there were two clicks of the button and the vibration inside Sirius was even more intense.

Sirius moaned sharply, their body shuddering as they paused to breathe for a moment. “Ah, god, you’re such a bastard,” they murmured, hips pressing against the mattress.

“You like that.” Remus turned it off again.

“Mmhmm,” Sirius said, pressing the point of their tongue into Remus. “Doesn’t mean I won’t enjoy myself with this, though.”

“Fucking hell.” Remus threw his head back into the pillows.

Sirius chuckled, glancing around for the lube and finding it conveniently next to them. Okay but lube meant moving away from Remus’ arse for a moment and Sirius was having far too much fun here. Relishing the noises their boyfriend was making, Sirius pressed the point of their tongue against him once more, humming in satisfaction.

“Fuck me, Sirius, come on,” Remus pleaded, breathless.

“Manners,” Sirius chided, a little out of breath themselves, kissing over Remus’ inner thigh as they snatched up the lube and uncapped it.

“Fuck your manners,” Remus groaned.

Sirius rubbed one slick finger over Remus, kissing back down his inner thigh. “Mmm I love it when you get all desperate, darling.”

“I know, ah. Oh my god.” He pressed his hips towards Sirius’ finger.

Smiling to themselves, Sirius eased their finger into him, tongue curling around it as they did. “Hmm, you taste so good caro.”

“Ah, Sirius,” he said in a tone of voice that he only got when he was like this.

God, Sirius loved Remus like this, when his voice got that way, when his tongue got all loose and he started swearing in that particular way he only did when Sirius was working him up. Sirius crooked their finger, still pressing deeper, lapping their tongue.

“Fuck me, Sirius. Please.” Remus moaned.

Sirius paused a little at the way Remus said please; he  _ never _ said please. They pressed a kiss to his inner thigh, teasing a second finger around his entrance. “I’m going to, darling. I’m enjoying getting you ready for me.”

Remus’ response was turning the vibration on to its highest setting.

“Oh fuck,” Sirius choked out, half-chuckling that  _ that _ was Remus’ response. “You know,  _ ah, fuck _ , if you distract me with that it’s going to take—take fucking longer.” Sirius eased a second finger into him, twisting their wrist and trying to remain even slightly fucking present at the sensations coursing through them.

“Fine,” Remus said through gritted teeth, turning the plug off. “Fucking hurry, Sirius.”

Sirius worked their fingers into Remus, kissing back up to his knee and glancing up to see his face as they did. Sirius liked playing around and teasing but that last vibration had set them on edge and now they just wanted to be buried inside Remus.

“Sirius,  _ please _ , I want you so bad,  _ please _ ,” Remus moaned.

“Jesus, fuck,” Sirius hissed, gently pulling their fingers out of Remus before kneeling up. The plug shifted again and Sirius shuddered, reaching for the lube.

“Yeah, Jesus, fuck.” Remus parrotted Sirius’ words with a soft noise.

Sirius tapped Remus on the thigh, not  _ hard _ but hard enough for him to feel. “Go back to begging again, caro,” they murmured, slicking their cock.

“You like that?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“You know I do,” Sirius retorted, hooking their elbow under Remus’ knee and kneeling forward to press the head of their cock against him.

“Ah, fuck,  _ please _ Sirius fuck me hard.” Remus smirked up at them. “I want you inside me.”

Sirius bit their lip, grinning as they nudged into him, just a little. “Please  _ princess _ .”

“Please,  _ princess _ ,” Remus tried to shift his hips.

“Seeing as you asked nicely,” Sirius murmured, snapping their hips forward to push into him.

“Shit!” Remus shouted, taking a beat before clicking the control.

Sirius managed half a chuckle before the vibration shot through them and they dropped their head onto Remus’ chest, panting hard at the feel of Remus surrounding them and the plug inside them.

“Fuck me, princess.” Remus’ free hand went up to comb through their hair.

“Ah, my god, fuck.” Sirius pressed a few kisses to Remus’ chest before snapping their hips forward again, shuddering with the vibrations. They just wanted to get as deep as possible into him. “Christ, you feel so good.”

“Shit, fuck, I love you inside me. Oh god, Sirius.” Remus arched into Sirius. “You feel so fucking good, princess.”

Sirius moaned sharply, lifting Remus’ knee a little higher and gasping at the shift in sensation, the next snap of their hips feeling even deeper. God and that fucking plug made it hard to even breathe in the best way.

“Oh, shit, Sirius, I want to come.” Remus put his hand against the headboard as Sirius continued to fuck him.

“Yeah?” Sirius stretched up to kiss the corner of Remus’ mouth and scrape their teeth over his jawline, panting hard as they drove into him. “Come then,” they murmured, pressing their hand over his on the headboard.

“Shit.” Remus dropped the control and wrapped that hand around his cock. “Are you close?”

Sirius chuckled breathlessly, pressing their forehead into Remus’ neck, watching between them as he gripped himself. “I’ve been on the edge since you had your fucking fingers in me Remus.  _ Fuck _ , but you feel so good.”

“Fuck, okay, fuck.” Remus’ body tensed as his hand worked faster over himself. “Fuck, Sirius.”

“God, yeah, look at you, fuck.” Sirius’ thrusts sped up to match Remus’ strokes, a little erratic now. “You feel so good. Come for me caro, come for your princess.”

“Shit, Sirius, oh fuckin— oh god.” Remus threw his head back, mouth falling open as he came undone.

Sirius gasped at the feeling of his body clenching around them. God they’d been on edge for so long but it only took a few more thrusts before Sirius was coming too, moaning sharply into Remus’ neck as they did. 


	26. Chapter 26

“Holy fucking shit.” Remus was still breathing hard a few minutes later, sprawled out on the bed. “Jesus Christ. What the fuck was that? Who are we?”

Sirius was still on top of him, and their voice was vaguely muffled by Remus’ neck. “Switches.”

“Dear god. That was… wow…” Remus trailed off, his brain completely fried still.

“Mmm,” Sirius agreed, eloquently. “Jesus…”

“Fucking hell.” Remus patted Sirius on the back. “Are you alive?”

“No.” Sirius huffed before raising up onto their forearms, smiling. They looked all flushed and gorgeous. “Christ that was a good idea.”

“I’m full of them.” Remus shifted a little. “Love, I could use something to clean up with.”

“You’re full of something.” Sirius smiled before Remus spoke again, then nodded. “Sure, I’ll go to the bathroom, hold on.” They slid off the bed, stumbling a little when they stood, laughing. “Oh my god my legs still haven’t got the feeling back.”

Remus laughed loudly, watching Sirius. “You’re like a baby deer… a baby deer in a harness and thigh highs…”

“Fuck off!” Sirius called back from the bathroom, over the sound of the water running.

“It’s adorable,” Remus replied. He was still unable to move himself.

“Adorable was not my intention with the thigh high harness combo, Remus.” Sirius came back into the bedroom with a cloth and a glass of water. They sat on the edge of the bed and held the cloth out to him.

Remus took the cloth, wiping his stomach first. “I know that. The combo was fucking sexy. Is still sexy but my brain seeing you stumble like that screamed adorable.”

“Clearly.” Sirius was smiling, sipping the water. “I’ve never fucked you so hard  _ I _ can’t walk before.”

“No, normally I fuck you so hard you can’t walk. What’s going on here?” Remus laughed, continuing to clean up.

Sirius laughed, flopping back onto the bed, legs still hanging over the edge. “You ever get these sexuality epiphanies? Because I think I just had a gender one.”

“Yeah, I have. What’s your epiphany?” Remus asked curiously.

Sirius bit their lip. “I can feel femme and still fuck you through the mattress. I thought I could only top when I was feeling masc for the longest time, but it’s all just terms and labels, isn’t it? Fuck all of that. So long as I’m not completely hating the fact I’ve got a dick I can still put it in you.”

“Oh that’s good to know. Fuck the labels.” Remus grinned at them. “I wanted to call you princess while you were fucking my fingers, but I stopped because you were going to top.”

“Ah… god, it was hot, that would’ve been hot…” They rolled over onto their side, smiling at Remus. “Thank you. I wasn’t sure until you said please, and then I wanted to hear you say it.”

Remus moved to kiss their shoulder. “You know, I may have had a sexual epiphany tonight?”

Sirius raised an eyebrow, trailing their fingertips over Remus’ arm. “Oh?”

“I think my sexuality is just you.”

“Sirius-sexual.” They grinned, chuckling softly.

“We know my kinks are you in leather and thigh highs.” Remus snuggled against them.

“Mmm, speaking of,” Sirius said softly. “Help me undo this?” They ran their hand over the straps of the harness.

“Ohhh, I guess, love.” Remus kissed just under the collar, going to undo the lowest buckle.

Sirius arched their back, breath hitching a little, tipping their chin down. “And we both know my kinks are you anywhere near my neck and your damn fingers.”

“Of course.” Remus undid another buckle. “Did you like the plug?”

“Mhmm, it felt fucking amazing.” Sirius nodded shallowly. “I can’t wait to use it on you.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” Remus shivered at the idea of it in him.

“I don’t want to be accused of copying, but I think you fucking me whilst wearing it would be about as hot as this was.” Sirius pulled their hair out of the way for the last buckle, the one at the collar.

Remus got the last buckle undone before reaching towards Sirius’ neck. “It’s not copying, just doing the smart thing.”

“And I know you love smart things.”

“Yep,” Remus said, fingers grazing over Sirius’ neck before finally going for the collar. “Imagine wearing that thing out in public and controlling it?”

Sirius stretched their neck towards his touch, humming softly. “That would be torture,” they murmured softly. “At the bar trying to have a conversation when it’s turned on all of a sudden… Jesus.”

Remus laughed at the idea, removing the collar. He pressed a kiss to where it had been around Sirius’ neck.

Sirius went very still. “Oh Christ…”

“I’m not actually suggesting it.” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“No no,” Sirius said emphatically, rolling over to face him. “Mind when Marly was being really weird at the jazz bar last week. I swear to god if it was because Dorcas had the controller for one of those things I’m going to scream.”

Remus’ eyes went wide, remembering last Friday. “Oh my god, she was acting weirder than usual.”

“Right? She was all excitable and wouldn’t sit still, I thought she was just hyped for something…” Sirius rubbed a hand over their face. “Oh god and obviously when she got the harness for your birthday she picked up some other things.” Sirius’ shoulders started shaking.

“Jesus! I can’t deal with them. Oh fuck, can’t they keep it in the bedroom?”

“Because Marly is sex mad… oh, although, you know… I think it’s Dorky that’s the real fiend here,” Sirius said through laughter, pressing their face against Remus’ shoulder.

“I think they’re both just as bad as the other! Dorky’s just more quiet about it.”

“Thank god, obviously. If they were both like Marly I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

“God, we can never tell them we visited the sex shop.” Remus shook his head.

Sirius grinned, kissing Remus’ collarbone. “I feel like Marly has a sixth sense for these things… although it won’t be as obvious as last time when you could  _ see _ where the collar had been thanks to the hickeys.”

“Yeah, I should’ve maybe laid off if i didn’t want Marly to catch on.”

“It’s the price I’m willing to pay to get your hickeys, caro.” Sirius bit their lip, tugging the sheets down so they could get under them.

“Hmm, good.” Remus got under the sheets with Sirius. “What time do we have to be out of here tomorrow?”

Sirius shrugged. “11, I think?”

“So we can do breakfast then. Or coffee, not that we have food. We’ll get something out.” Remus yawned.

“Mmhm.” Sirius put their arm around his shoulders. “That’s something for future Sirius and future Remus to deal with.”

“Right. I love you.” Remus kissed them softly.

Sirius hummed into the kiss, smiling. “Love you too. Good night caro.”

“Night, love.”

Remus drifted off to sleep quickly afterwards. When he woke up in the morning he found the bed empty. He frowned, wanting to wake up with Sirius, but this happened all the time. With a sigh, he went to get out of bed and find them.

Following a failed attempt at trying to find his PJ bottoms, which he swore he packed, he just pulled on his boxers and a t-shirt. Padding out towards the kitchen, he smiled because he could hear music playing. When he turned the corner he caught view of Sirius.

They were stood at the counter, pouring coffee with one hand whilst the other was above their head, fingers wiggling in time with the guitar riff of the song. They were dancing along to the music, hopping away with, oh,  _ there _ were Remus’ pyjama bottoms, dangerously low on Sirius’ gyrating hips. They hadn’t heard him over the music either, too focused on coffee and dancing.

Sirius was so damn gorgeous and adorable. He didn’t want to not have them in his life, ever.  _ Oh. Oh. I need to marry them _ . Remus grinned to himself at the thought, something warm blossoming in his chest. He wanted to spend the rest of his life waking up to find Sirius dancing in the kitchen.

Without saying anything Remus went over to them, putting his hands on their hips before kissing them soundly.

Sirius made a noise of surprise, jumping before they grinned into the kiss, sinking into him. “Hi,” they breathed, smiling.

“Hi. I love you.” Remus pressed his lips to theirs again. He was already thinking of all the ways he wanted to ask Sirius.

“I love you,” Sirius murmured against his lips, their hands sliding around Remus’ waist.

“I always want you dancing like this in a kitchen every morning.” Remus pulled them close.

Sirius smiled, one hand coming up to cup his cheek. “I do most mornings, you’re just asleep my love.”

“I know.” Remus kissed their temple. He wanted to tell them that wasn’t what he meant. How he just wanted them there, always, but he couldn’t. Remus needed a plan.

“Coffee?” Sirius kissed his jaw, sighing happily.

The idea of proposals swam in Remus’ head the rest of the day, and all the way home. He texted Alice and Pete and set up lunch the next day. He was dying to tell someone about it. He also needed some opinions and some help to pull something sufficiently romantic off.

“Lunch on a Monday, what’s going on?” Peter questioned after they were sat.

“I… I asked you both here because you’re my oldest friends.” Remus cleared his throat. “I’m going to ask Sirius to marry me.”

Alice, who had been staring at him over the top of her menu, grinned and threw her hands in the air. “Yes! Finally!”

Remus laughed as Peter let out a whoop. “Alice, it’s been 8 months, it can’t be  _ finally _ , can it?”

“No, but you’ve been thinking about it. Everything is relative, sweetie.” She set her menu down. “We should get celebratory prosecco.”

“I’m good with that! A way to start a Monday!” Peter grinned. “How you gonna do it?”

“I want to be horribly romantic. I was thinking about taking them to the spot we went climbing on our first/second date. I’m not sure what to do from there though. I was thinking like candles and flowers and all the romantic sap stuff.” Remus sighed, feeling giddy at the idea.

Alice clapped her hands together. “God you’re so cute. We can go up and set it up beforehand. Say you’re just taking them climbing.” 

“Yeah? I think I want you all there. Is that weird? I don’t want like you right there when I’m doing it but nearby.” Remus looked between his two friends.

“As long as there’s no dancing, it’s fine,” Peter snickered.

“No flash mob!” Alice agreed, grinning. “I don’t think it’s weird. I think it’s sweet, and we all know everyone would love to celebrate with you both.” Alice gasped. “You should get your mum up here! And Effy and Monty!”

Remus grinned, thinking about telling his mam the plan. “You think so? Oh they’d be so happy.”

“Everyone is going to freak out.”

Peter chuckled. “I’m freaking out right now. I’m so happy for you Moony.”

“I’m freaking out too! Oh my god. I’m going to ask Sirius to marry me. I… who would have thought…”

“It’s meant to be.”

Remus swallowed the lump in his throat. “Yeah, ah. So, we should make a list. What do I need to get done?”

Alice started rummaging in her bag for a notepad, whilst Peter just opened the notes on his phone. “Alice, I know you’re retro but sharing to do lists is a thing.” 

“Right, right.” Alice put her bag back down. “So. Tell everyone to keep the date free. Get a ring.”

“We’ll need candles and flowers. Oh god… I need to wait to tell Marly and probably James. I don’t know if they can keep a secret for that long. Remember Sirius’ birthday?” Remus made a face.

Peter nodded, jotting things down. “How we managed to avert that crisis I don’t know.”

“Maybe I’ll tell them both that… shit… I don’t know.”

“Tell them to keep the date because we’re all going climbing, and then the day before break it to them. Minimal chance to ruin things.” Alice nodded, probably already running through things in her head.

“Excellent plan. Great.” Remus nodded. “Holy shit, I’m getting engaged.”

Peter chuckled. “You’ll need to be the one to tell James, I think.”

“Oh god, yeah. He’ll freak,” Alice agreed.

“Christ, he’s going to cry. Marly will scream so loud, I’ll lose my hearing.”

“Yep. Make sure Sirius isn’t in Marly-hearing distance.” Alice grinned, shaking her head.

“Yeah, I’ll be mindful. I’ll probably go to their flat because I don’t want the whole bloody city to hear about it.”

Remus smiled, watching Peter and Alice laugh and talk about the rest of the groups reactions. He couldn’t believe he was going to be doing this. He was so in love and so happy.


	27. Chapter 27

Sirius was drinking a green smoothie at the reception desk between classes, replying to emails on their phone. Usually they stayed as far away from Marlene’s lunches, but sometimes it was easier, when there was work to be done, to take whatever new health conscious lunches she had imposed on them—this smoothie had quinoa and flax seed in it, maybe?—than try to find the time for their own food.

The front door opened and Sirius glanced up with their friendly customer-smile, surprised to see Regulus stepping through the door in his PureFit shirt and jeans. “Hey, Reggie…”

“Sirius! Why were you so mean to Ben on Friday?” Regulus came straight to the desk. His brow was furrowed and his jaw clenched.

Sirius frowned, setting the smoothie down. It took them a half second to think back over their weekend in London with Remus to their last meeting with Benjy. “I wasn’t mean, I just asked him why the hell he was at a sex shop before your coffee date.”

“Apparently you didn’t ask that, you assumed!” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Did he tell you why he was there?”

“Yes! He was dropping his flatmate’s keys off because she forgot them, you twat.”

“Oh…” Sirius bit their lip, feeling their cheeks heat. “Oh right.”

“Oh right! Sirius, he told me that maybe we shouldn’t see each other because of you. He was scared. He thought maybe he wouldn’t have a job!”

_ Shit _ . Sirius stood up, skirting around the desk. “I’ll speak to him,  _ nicely _ . He won’t lose his job, god we wouldn’t get rid of him he’s too fucking good. I just…” Sirius sighed, leaning against the desk. “We saw him there and I was worried he was going to take advantage of you and especially with what you’d told us the other night and I didn’t want you to…” They put a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry. I’ll talk to him.”

“I appreciate the concern, but I’m 26 years old, Sirius, I’m an adult. I know I was fucking sheltered, but let me live,” Regulus practically pleaded.

Sirius felt a little chastised, and rightly so. “Yeah. I just… I don’t want to see you hurt. I had twelve years of not being able to protect you and I feel like I should now, kid… I just… Sorry.”

“I know, Remus said you were just being protective. Ben told me he was glad Remus was there.” Regulus laughed a little.

“You told Remus!?” Sirius groaned. “He’s going to be so smug.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “He saw me in the reception area before I left for lunch and asked what I was doing and I may have ranted a little…”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah. Yeah that’s fair I guess.”

“And yeah, he’s totally fucking smug about it.” Reg snickered.

“Oh god.” Sirius smacked Regulus around the arm. “I’m getting used to having you around and how that feels, still, kid. I’m sorry if I fuck up.”

“It’s… it’s okay, I mean not but I understand.” Regulus bit his lip. “So, you don’t have anymore of those brownies?”

Sirius laughed, instantly remembering that night and how uncontrollably giggly both they and Regulus had gotten. “Not right now, we haven’t seen Hope. But, I suppose, if you tell Remus I was really grovelling and apologetic, and you tell Ben I definitely won’t fire him and I’m an arsehole, then you can come round for a joint?”

“That sounds like a bribe.”

“I don’t do bribes, kid, despite the family name.”

“You know, if I just asked Remus, I’d get it anyway.” Regulus had a thoughtful look.

Sirius shook their head, leaning over to pick their Marly-green smoothie back up. “Under appropriate supervision, he’s a very responsible stoner ex-punk.”

“I’ve gathered, he was nervous about letting me leave.”

“The first time we got stoned he made sure I ate and drank water and wasn’t going to get entirely fucked.” Sirius paused at their own choice of words… not completely accurate.

“He’s a good bloke.” Regulus grinned.

“You can’t let Marly catch me being sappy but god, he is, isn’t he? I got real lucky.”

“Yeah, you really did.” He looked at his watch. “I gotta get back or I’m not going to make it back in time. Sorry for shouting, just don’t do that again…. But thanks…” He went to move towards the door.

Sirius nodded. “Okay… hey,” they said, holding their hand out for a handshake. “Have a good afternoon kid.”

Reg shook their hand. “You too, Sirius.” He smiled once more before leaving.

‘Christ…” Sirius huffed, rubbing their hand over their face. They plucked up their phone and tapped out a quick message to Remus.

_ So you were right _ .

**Oh? What was that?**

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

_ I’m going to say it once more and then delete these messages. _

_ You were right, about Ben. I jumped to conclusions because *apparently*, who knew, not me, i am a protective older sibling. _

**Don’t worry, princess, I’ve screenshot them**

_ Oh okay, I’ll have to smash your phone and destroy all the evidence, princess or not. _

**I love you 💖💖💖💖💖**

_ ……. _

_ Mmmmmmm. _

_ Reg also enquired about brownies. You’ve turned my brother into a stoner.  _

_ I did say he could come over for a joint, if he got me back into yours and Ben’s good graces, though.  _

_ I am shit at keeping secrets, aren’t I? _

**Yeah, you really are.**

**He can come over, but it’s not up to him to get you back into Ben’s good graces.**

**You should apologize to him.**

**Also, where is my ‘I love you too’?**

_ I’ll speak to Ben, he should be back from lunch soon. _

Sirius leaned on the desk, snapping a quick selfie blowing a kiss. They were a little worn out from the advanced class that morning, but in the best way.

_ Image.jpg _

_ Here. I suppose I love you too. _

😉💙

**😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍**

**See you tonight.**

_ Where’s my selfie back?  _ 😜

Sirius grinned, glancing up again as the front doors opened. This time it was Ben in the doorway. Sirius stood up, shoving a hand through their hair. “Hey, Benjy. Got a second before the next class?”

“Yeah, sure.” Ben looked nervous, hands in his pockets.

“I’ll be quick.” Sirius gestured for Ben to follow them into the office, picking up their smoothie again. They were determined to drink the whole thing. They left the door open when Ben joined them and sat in one of the office chairs.

Benjy looked around. “Will you at least give me a good reference?”

Sirius peered at him for a moment. “Oh god, Ben, I’m—” they slumped, feeling thoroughly disappointed in themselves— “I’m not gonna fucking fire you. I’m sorry I talked to you like that on Friday, I was so, so incredibly out of line. Got a dressing down from all angles, believe me. I apologise.”

“Ah… oh. I’m — oh… I really was there to give my flatmate her key.” Ben sat forward a little.

“I know, I don’t doubt that. I was just… Reggie and I are still getting to know each other again and I’m surprised by how protective I am. I know that’s not an excuse and he’s 26, but that’s some way to explain my behaviour. I was so out of order. I hate that I’ve made you feel uncomfortable and like your job is on the line. You’re really good at what you do, Benjy.”

“Um, thanks, I’m glad to hear. I really like Reg. He’s great and… I — I’m glad you’re okay with me dating him.”

Sirius nodded, biting their lip. “He’s great. Just… look after him?” Their voice was a little softer, the usually bright and confident expression on their face slipping away a little. “He deserves to be treated so good.”

“Yeah, he does, of course he does. I will.” Benjy nodded.

“Thank you. I mean, if you hurt him I’m gonna be real mad, just so you know.” Sirius smiled, so at least that made it look like they were half-joking, as they stood up again.

“Ha, ah, yeah, I won’t.” Ben looked only a tiny bit frightened.

Sirius clapped him on the shoulder before walking out of the office. At the desk, they gave up on the smoothie and pushed it aside, picking up their phone. There was no reply message from Remus, instead, as they’d asked, Sirius supposed, there was a picture. Sirius opened their phone to see it was a selfie of Remus, grinning and oh— _ oh _ , he was shirtless. 

“Christ…” Sirius muttered to themselves. They really did get lucky, they thought as they set the picture to their phone wallpaper and sent a string of heart-eye emojis in response.

Wednesday afternoon found Sirius in the bathroom of the therapist’s office—not gendered, always a win—and splashing their face with cold water. Today had been kind of tough. Sirius had been feeling shit about how they treated Benjy, how they treated Regulus in turn, and how they treated  _ everyone _ , really. It felt like they needed to slow down and consider everyone else for once but Sirius had  _ always _ rushed into things at a million miles an hour. They’d always been impulsive and emotional. Poppy, their therapist, said it wasn’t about changing what Sirius felt was fundamentally them, but about learning to make better choices at the time. That felt like it was easier said that done.

One plus of their sessions so far was that the list they had been keeping on their phone of things to remember to talk about had come in very useful. Poppy had praised them on the idea and they had talked about Remus for a while too, which was always nice. It felt like the list was ever-growing though, and for everything they and Poppy talked about another three things sprang from Sirius’ mind.

After collecting themselves, Sirius slipped out of the bathroom and out into the early evening, looking for Remus. He always met them after therapy and they went to get dinner somewhere together. Sirius was dying to see him today, they wanted a fucking hug.

“Hey, love.” Remus was standing near the entrance, against the wall as he had been every week so far. “All right?”

Sirius nodded, crossing over to press a kiss to Remus’ lips. “Hi.”

Remus wrapped his arms around them, kissing Sirius back. “How was your day?”

“Day was good, the last hour was fucking hard.” Sirius sank into him, sighing softly. “How was yours?”

“I’m sorry about the last hour.” He held them a little tighter. “My day was just fine.”

“Good, I’m glad.” Sirius kissed him on the mouth again. “Dinner?”

“Mmm, mmhmm, anything you want.” Remus brushed his lips against Sirius’ forehead.

“Ramen?” Sirius said after a moment, trying to decide what they were in the mood for.

“Sure.” Remus pulled back, taking their hand.

Sirius watched him for a moment, their eyes flickering over his face before they tugged on his hand. “Hey…” Sirius bit their lip, feeling like Poppy was hovering in the background. “Sometimes I’m a bit of an arse to you, and to everyone else, and I just feel like I should apologise for it. So. I’m sorry, for the times I’ve been an arse to you Rem.”

The expression Remus’ face softened. “Oh, well, we all can be arseholes, can’t we? I appreciate your apology though. I’m sorry for when I’ve been an arse to you too.”

“Yeah…” Sirius nodded, feeling some of the knots of tension in their chest loosen. They pressed a kiss to the back of Remus’ hand. “Thank you.”

“Do you still not mind going to therapy?”

Sirius smiled softly. “I can think of better ways to spend an hour and I don’t think I’ve cried this much in my life, but… I guess it must be doing something?”

“Do you feel like it’s doing something?” Remus swung their hands between them a bit as they walked towards the restaurant.

“Mmm, my head feels less full of everything. I hadn’t… hadn’t realised how much I’d been ignoring everything that was wrong.” Sirius bit their lip, watching Remus out of the corner of their eye. “Even if the list of things I keep remembering to mention gets longer and longer.”

“Well, one day the list will come to an end, I’m sure. Or you’ll be coming up with less and less. In less than four years, you’re going to have spent more of your life free of your biological family than you had spent with them,” Remus pointed out to them.

Sirius paused, feeling like that fact had stopped them in their tracks. They had never thought of it like that, never thought that the longer they were away from them, the easier it would seem. The idea that their biological family would one day feel like the very distant past was alien to them. “Oh… yeah.”

“Maybe one day, you’ll have spent more time with me than them.” Remus bumped their shoulder with his.

“We’ve got a while to go,” Sirius said softly, a grin blooming on their face. A while was more than fine by them.

“I’m fine with that.” Remus shrugged. “If you are.”

Sirius shook their head, feeling ridiculous but bringing Remus’ hand up to kiss the back of it, regardless. “More than fine.”

“Great, love.” Remus kissed their temple.

Sixteen years with the Blacks felt like a lifetime, but sixteen years with Remus sounded heavenly. Sirius couldn’t wait.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some more explicit mentions of past child abuse (some neglect and emotional abuse specifically) in this chapter, so please be careful with yourself if that's something you might struggle with.

A few weeks later, Remus was a bit stressed. In three days, he was going to be asking Sirius to marry him. Since coming back from London, Remus, Alice, and Peter had been scheming about the whole thing. They had acquired candles and fairy lights. They had also printed off various photos of Sirius and Remus together that Alice had a plan to do with. He had also got a ring. Everyone knew to set the date aside as well.

Peter had already told Mare (she said that she knew it was happening anyway thanks to the stars). Alice said not to tell Frank until the last minute because he was shit at secrets. So the first person he told a few weeks ago after Peter and Al, was his mam. The conversation went like this:

“Hey mam, do you have a minute?” He asked once she picked up the phone.

“Hello dear, for you, of course. How are you?”

“I’m excellent. Amazing, actually. I’m… well, I’m hoping you can come down here for a couple days.” Remus chewed at his nails.

Hope paused for a moment, perhaps picking up on the tone of Remus’ voice. “I’m sure I can get the time off. What for?”

“I’d like you to be here, with everyone else because… because I’m going to propose to Sirius.”

“Oh!” His mam made a sort of squealing noise. “Oh my god, of course I’ll be there! You’re going to? Do they know? Oh, how wonderful!” She sniffed a little.

Remus smiled. “No they have no idea, at least I don’t think they do.”

“That’s amazing. I’m so happy for you! Of course, I’ll be there. I’ll look for a hotel and I’ll phone Donna to cover for me and oh, Remus John I’m so happy for you!”

“I’m happy too. Maybe you can look at the storefront too.”

“Yes, yes, that’s not important right now, good god.” Hope paused again. “Your dad would be so proud of you, dear.”

Remus felt tears gathering in his eyes. He really wished he were there now. “Yeah? I… you think he’d love Sirius like you do?”

“I know it. I can  _ feel _ it. He would’ve loved them because they make you so happy.”

“Yeah, yeah he would.” Remus sniffled, rubbing his eyes. “I can’t wait to ask them.”

“Yes, they would’ve gotten on so well.” Hope sniffed too. “I can imagine. When you know, you know. I’ve been waiting for a phone call like this since Christmas.”

“Yeah, I’ve known for a while, I’ve just been too scared.”

“That’s okay. It’s scary to realise. But it’s wonderful at the same time too.”

Remus had agreed, it was wonderful.

Now he was leaving his mam’s hotel and the day to propose was nearly here. Remus felt like he called her only the other day, but it was weeks ago. He couldn’t be more excited. Every time he looked at Sirius, he thought of what their face would look like when he asked. Probably something like it did when he nearly popped the question that day in Florence.

Remus headed home that day to find Sirius already in, watching TV but typing on their phone. “Hi, love,” he said plopping down on the sofa next to them.

Sirius smiled, putting their phone down next to them. “Hi you,” they murmured, kissing his cheek. “Alright?”

“Fantastic.” Remus kissed them soundly on the lips. “How was your day?”

“Busy. As always. Hes is sick so I didn’t really get a break today. Marly is seeing if Emme can come and cover for her, we’re trying to figure out how to carry on classes without Marly and I running ourselves into the ground.” Sirius puffed out their cheeks, setting their head on his shoulder. “So yeah, busy. My brain is going a million miles an hour. How about you? Good day?”

“Yeah, please don't run yourself into the ground. I hope Emme can help.” Remus wrapped an arm around their shoulder. “My day was great, really.” He had told Dorcas and Regulus about the proposal finally and they both freaked out.

“We’ll figure it out. Just hope Hes is alright. She sounded really rough when I spoke to her earlier.” Sirius smiled. “I wanted to pop in and see you at lunchtime because I know you have that bouldering class beforehand and post-bouldering Remus is the best. But it was so busy.”

Remus laughed. “I would have loved that, but it’s okay. There will be plenty other times to see post-bouldering Remus.”

“Mmhmm,” Sirius said, grinning. “Can’t wait already.” Sirius sat up, stretching their arms above their head. “After today I want a drink. You want anything? I’m sure there’s wine in the fridge?”

“Wine will do, yeah.” Remus watched them stand up gracefully.

“It’ll  _ do _ .” Sirius grinned. “Although, to be fair, since Tuscany I feel like I’ve become a bit of a wine snob, nothing is as good as six euro wine in Florence, is it?” Sirius padded through to the kitchen as they spoke.

“Ha, you really have, haven’t you?” Remus chuckled, stifling a yawn.

Next to him on the sofa, Sirius’ phone dinged.

“Oh! That might be Marly or Hes,” Sirius called from the kitchen, over the sound of the wine cork popping. “Could you check for me?”

“Of course, love.” Remus swiped to open the phone. It opened into what looked like the Notes app, to a long bullet-point list of things. Remus knew that he shouldn’t look, but his eyes caught something, and he couldn’t look away.

  * Locked in basement for a weekend
  * Denying food regularly for punishment
  * That phone app that monitors usage
  * “Falling down the stairs” - lying to hospital re broken arm
  * Threatening Reggie to ensure good behaviour, and vice versa
  * After exam results, finding out about taking different electives than they were told
  * Whenever Uncle Al or Andi was mentioned, scare tactics

“Hi,” Sirius said, their voice sounding closer. “What did they say?”

“I… I’m… I’m sorry…” Remus handed them their phone. He felt completely at a loss for words. There were always these random thoughts about what the Blacks did to Sirius in the back of his head, but to see what they actually did, just a few of the bullets in a long list — it made him sick. “It was opened and I…”

Sirius frowned, putting the wine glasses down on the coffee table so they could take their phone. Their eyes went wide as they realised what was open on the screen. “Oh…”

“Sirius, I swear I wasn’t looking for it. It was open and I— fuck, I shouldn’t have looked, but I did because… fuck.”

“No, it’s…” Sirius shook their head, putting their phone in their pocket. They sat down in a bit of a daze, picking up one of the wine glasses. “It’s—I shouldn’t have left it open. I was writing something down before I forgot.”

“I still shouldn’t have read it.” Remus put a hand over his face.

“Are… are you okay?” Sirius’ voice sounded a little strange.

“Am I okay…” Remus shook his head. “Sirius, are you okay?”

‘I think so? I… I’m sorry you read all those things. I… Just you and Poppy know. And Reggie, too, I suppose. I feel a bit strange… which ones did you see? The whole thing?” Sirius pulled their phone back out their pocket, lip caught between their teeth as they scrolled through the list.

Remus was sure he was going to be ill, he took a deep breath and shook his head. “No, I…” He shifted in his seat, trying to force himself to say what he saw. “From ah being locked in the basement for the week— weekend until about your Uncle Al.”

Sirius winced slightly, nodding. “Yeah… yeah, that was—they’re not all that bad, I don’t think…” They glanced sideways at Remus out the corner of their eye, chewing their bottom lip again.

“I knew it was bad, I just…” Remus shook his head. “I’m sorry that was your childhood.”

“Yeah…” Sirius took a drink of their wine, still nodding. “Me too. But—” They turned to him, eyes flickering everywhere but his face— “it’s the past, I guess? It’s… you know, I’m away from them now.”

“I know that, yeah. I just, I hate the idea of it, I feel like I’m going to be sick. Sirius, you’re… I’m so glad you’re talking to someone about it.”

Sirius nodded again. “Yeah… I didn’t realise—realise how much  _ wasn’t _ normal? Who knew other kids didn’t have to be  _ invited _ to dinner in their own house?”

“No — no… Sirius.” Remus stood up because it felt like he just needed to move for a minute.

Sirius stayed on the sofa, sitting back and tucking their legs up against their chest. They were watching Remus carefully. “I just thought the Potters were especially lovely and your mam was a badass. I don’t think my starting point for parents is very good.”

“No, not it’s not. They’re not parents. They’re just the people who birthed you.” Remus paced in front of the coffee table.

“Yeah…” Sirius sniffed, rubbing a hand through their hair. “I know. That got hung over our heads all the time, being a Black was more important than being a person. Don’t do that, don’t say that, don’t wear that, don’t take anything but useful classes at school, don’t be friends with them, don’t swear, don’t slouch, don’t say anything to that social worker, or that teacher, or that doctor—” Sirius cut themselves off, pressing a hand over their mouth like they were trying to stop the words escaping, their eyes wide.

Remus stopped in his tracks, instead going over to the sofa. He couldn’t think of what to say, so he sat down and wrapped his arms around Sirius. “You can tell me, tell me anything. I swear. I’m sorry. I have no fucking clue what to say in return, but I’ll listen.”

Sirius sniffed again, putting their arms loosely around Remus’ waist. “I don’t know what to say either. I’ve never talked about it. I usually just—just hand Poppy the list and she reads them out, I’ve never said any of it out loud. It’s all so fucked.”

“It is fucked, but it’s in the past… but it’s important you’re seeing Poppy and if you want to talk, I’m here… even if all I can do is hug you.” Remus kissed their temple.

“I don’t want to upset you though,” Sirius mumbled, their hand coming up to stroke through Remus’ hair. “You’re shaking.”

“Since you even mentioned how shit your biological family was once, and then never spoke about them again… fuck and then Reggie came all upset, I couldn’t stop thinking about all these horrid things they probably did. I’ve been upset about it since, since then. I’ve wanted you to talk about it and I feel like I made you do it now and I’m sorry.”

“Probably needed the push,” Sirius said meekly. “I… I don’t think Reggie or I realised it was abusive at the time… Reggie was safer, he fought less but I just… you know I’m headstrong and pick stupid arguments and they hated that, they tried to get me to behave how they wanted but I wouldn’t. I don’t know that they had a limit to what they did. Being a Black was more important.”

“I’m sure it was hard to see when you’re in it.” Remus held Sirius tighter. “I’m sorry you went through so much, just to be able to be you. Fuck the Blacks, really, I wish I could burn down their house.”

Sirius laughed softly. “Far as I know they still live in the same house in London. I…” Sirius chewed their lip. “Here, hold on.” They picked their phone back up, moving back enough to type. “There was an article a few years ago on them… for some new business venture.” Their fingers were shaking as they typed, scrolling through before tapping on something. “Here,” they said softly, holding the phone out to him.

“I don’t know if I actually want to read it, I may chuck the phone.”

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want. The photo is… funny. You know how much Reggie and I look alike.” Sirius held onto the phone, their fingers white.

“Yeah?” Remus held on to one of Sirius’ wrists. “Let me see the photo then.”

Sirius scrolled on their phone again, tapping once to bring up a photo of a couple. They looked very similar to Sirius, both with dark hair and the same kind of face shape, high cheekbones and straight noses. The woman had her hair in a tight bun and she looked fairly elegant in a very unapproachable sort of way, the smile on her lips looked a little forced. The man was wearing a very sharp suit and a half-smile that made Remus feel even more sick, he looked dangerous. 

“That’s them…” Remus’ thumb brushed the inside of Sirius’ wrist.

“Mhm,” Sirius said tightly, and Remus realised they weren’t looking at the screen. 

“I don’t know how they made you, you look nothing like them. You’re far more beautiful.” Remus kissed their temple again.

Sirius let out a long breath, their eyes fluttering shut for a moment. They didn’t say anything but their other hand went to Remus’ knee and squeezed slightly. After a moment their forefinger tapped on the screen and a caption popped up:  _ Orion and Walburga Black at the launch of their new publishing house. _

“So, I probably have some old punk friends that could help me burn it all down, right?” Remus cleared his throat, looking up from the phone.

“Yeah.” Sirius smiled, not quite a laugh, but it was close enough. “I won’t tell you where they live. Not that I care about the arson, but I don’t want you getting caught.”

“You’re spoiling my fun.” Remus’ voice didn’t have enough humor in it, and he wasn’t sure if it was even okay to be joking.

“Sorry.” Sirius squeezed his knee. “I would rather you be here with me for a while instead.”

“Don’t be sorry. I’d rather be here with you too.” Remus smiled at them. “This doesn't change how I feel about you, okay?”

Sirius nodded. “I would… understand if it did? I—I used to worry that being a bad person was genetic and I would turn into them… sometimes still think I will—I am.”

“No, this changes nothing at all, Sirius. I just understand things better. You’re such an amazing person, love, you’re nothing close to what they are.”

“I…” Sirius paused again, biting their lip. “Thank you.”

“I love you.”

Sirius smiled, finally, shaking their head a little. “I love you too.”


	29. Chapter 29

Sirius had spent so long being convinced the world was going to come down around them when they started talking about their biological family, but, surprisingly, it hadn’t. True, Sirius had been given a push to open up by Remus finding the list of things to talk about with Poppy in their phone, but they hadn’t ran off and avoided things yet, or shouted, which was good. Actually, Sirius thought they were handling things quite well—it was probably the shock.

Seeing how angry Remus was when hearing about everything was almost a little frightening. Sirius hadn’t expected him to feel so strongly about their past—something they tried not to think or feel about at all. But it was also a little reassuring too; it felt like Remus was in their corner, fighting with them. They wanted to be able to sit there and pour their heart out, tell him every little thing that happened in that house, so Remus knew it all and could help, but the words would only come in bursts and starts.

“I love you too, very much,” Sirius said again, feeling shaky but stronger.

“Are you all right?” He kissed their forehead.

“I’m not sure.” Sirius was trying to be honest and not just say  _ I’m fine _ . “My head is whirring with things I could tell you but I don’t know how to get the words out or if you want to know or if I want to remember.”

“I want to know what you want to tell me, okay?”

“Yeah…” Sirius bit their lip, trying to decide if they were going to cry or be sick. They didn’t know where to start or what to bother telling. There were so many things Sirius thought was normal for the longest time before they realised it wasn’t. It felt stupid to be stuck on something that happened ten years ago. “Is… is there anything that you saw in the list that you’re going to stress over if you don’t know more about it?”

“No, I mean… I’m stressed about it all, honestly, but I don’t know if talking about it will change that right now, you know? Maybe we can talk about it another time, when we’re both a little less… I don’t know… do you know what I mean?” Remus was still holding on to their wrist.

Sirius nodded, eyes flickering down to where Remus’ fingers sat around their wrist. “Yeah. I… I think I need some fresh air.”

“Do you want me to come with you? Or…”

“Give me a minute?” Sirius bit their lip. “I just… it’s not that I want to be away from you, I just want to breathe… I could—” Sirius swallowed, pausing— “I could go and get us dinner, from somewhere.”

“Sure, that’s okay, if you need that, whatever you need.” Remus nodded, dropping their wrist. “Um, do you… what about that Greek place?”

Sirius smiled softly. “I’m not leaving. I don’t want to be away I just want to get out my head.” They squeezed Remus’ hand briefly. “Greek sounds good. Trust me to order what we usually get?”

“All right.” Remus sat back. “I trust you.”

“I love you.” Sirius leaned forward to kiss Remus on the lips.

“I love you.” Remus kissed them back. “Text me if you need.”

“I will.” Sirius kissed him again before standing up. They went to the door to pull on their trainers, leaning against the wall a little. “I won’t be long.”

“Okay, I’ll be here.”

Sirius nodded, grabbing their coat on the way out of the flat. Once downstairs and out in the street, they heaved a big sigh, putting their hands over their face. God, fuck, that was an unexpectedly emotional afternoon. 

They walked around to the Greek restaurant, trying to sort things out in their head. Remus had taken things fairly well, at least on the surface. It felt like he was upset, but didn’t know what to do with it. Neither did Sirius. They had never expected to speak about their childhood like that, or at all, really. But they were right, they needed a push to open up to Remus, and this was it. They’d surprised even themselves by finding the old article of the Blacks. The first time Sirius saw that they’d had a panic attack and freaked out for a while, surprised by their presence for the first time in  _ years _ . But it was easier this time around, with Remus next to them, holding their hand. Sirius might’ve taken up his offer to burn the place down if they thought it might’ve helped at all. It felt like they were the kind of people who would survive whatever you threw at them, like cockroaches.

At the Greek place, feeling a little shaky and getting a strange look from the waiter, Sirius ordered their usual food. They remembered their first date, where Remus had said  _ our relationships going to revolve around food, isn’t it? _ and he had been right. It wasn’t a bad thing though. Nothing in their relationship was bad anymore. Not now they talked to each other and understood where each other was coming from.

There was a little time to kill before their food was ready, so Sirius went back out onto the street to peruse some of the shops. Something to keep their mind busy. There was an antiques shop a few doors down that Sirius had found some really beautiful things in before. They ducked into the shop and quickly lost themselves in everything there. It was a beautiful mixture of clothes, accessories, homeware, art and jewellery all crammed into the little shop, and Sirius loved it.

Remus had been so apologetic about accidentally seeing Sirius’ list, and then so angry about their childhood. It was…  _ sweet _ . It was unexpected and lovely that he would get so upset even though it happened years ago. Sirius had spent so long normalising everything that it was strange to reevaluate their life into something that definitely wasn’t a normal, loving, healthy upbringing. Remus was here to support them along the way, it seemed. Sirius was so grateful. They said often how lucky they were to have him, but they felt it especially today.

Sirius stopped dead in front of a little jewellery case, crammed in between a rack of fur coats and a bookcase full of figurines. The clint of something coppery had caught their eye and they leaned closer to look at it. The ring was a thick band, with a textured wave along the bottom half that reminded Sirius so much of cliff faces and  _ Remus _ that they felt a little overwhelmed with it. It’s his, they thought, not even bothering to check the price as they went to find the store assistant.

She dropped the ring into their hand and Sirius turned it over to look at it. It would fit, they thought, knowing Remus’ hands better than their own. Remus snickered in their mind, of course they liked his fingers.

_ I’m gonna propose. _ Sirius felt slightly shocked by the statement, as if they hadn’t thought of it and it just appeared in their head. They were going climbing this weekend, Sirius would do it then, with this ring that reminded them of cliff faces. The thought wasn’t even slightly scary, actually. It was like they’d known this whole time, since Remus said he would burn down the Black house for them, since their conversation with Alice at the trampoline park, since Tuscany, in the square outside the church, the apartment, since Christmas with Hope. Since… since forever, really. When you know, you know.

Sirius put the ring in their pocket, trying not to burst with the idea of asking Remus to marry them. They hurried back around to the Greek restaurant and picked up their food, before making their way back to the flat. 

“Hi, I’m back and I’ve Greek food and it smells amazing,” Sirius said as they stepped into the flat, feeling hyper-aware of the ring in their pocket. Christ, they were going to propose. Sirius wanted to do it  _ now _ , just in their living room on a Thursday, but they knew Remus would appreciate a romantic moment, and so climbing it would be.

“I’m starved, oh god.” Remus grinned as Sirius came into the room.

Sirius shrugged their coat off, crossing over to set the bag on the coffee table. “Hi you,” they murmured, leaning over to kiss him before starting to empty containers out of the bag.

“You all right?” Remus started to help them.

“I’m okay.”  _ Fuck, I’m gonna ask you to marry me, the ring is in my pocket right now. _ “Walking around helped. Thank you, for the space.”  _ I’m gonna propose. I want to spend my whole fucking life with you _ .

“I told you, anything you need.” He shrugged a shoulder. “All I care is you coming back and being okay.”

God, they loved him so much. How had they gotten so lucky with him? He was so understanding and so wonderful. “Hey,” Sirius said, hand coming up to cup Remus’ cheek. “C’mere a sec.”

“Yeah?” Remus laughed softly. “What?” He moved closer, hand going to their waist.

“I just want to kiss your gorgeous face, just a minute.” Sirius smiled, their heart soaring as they met him for a soft kiss.

“Mmm, okay.” Remus sighed into the kiss.

“I know, I’m keeping you from Greek food, but I’ll be quick.” Sirius murmured, grinning into the kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Remus nipped at their bottom lip. “I’ll happily kiss you until the food goes cold. We can reheat it.” Remus tugged them a little closer.

“You must love me then, choosing me over food.” Sirius moved closer, until they remembered the ring was in their jeans pocket and felt really fucking obvious. Sirius wanted to do it  _ now _ but not like this! They pulled back a little, tucking their leg under them. “It will get cold though…” Ah, but they wanted to kiss him some more, because they were going to fucking  _ propose _ .

“Okay, let’s eat first then we can kiss a bit.” Remus reached forward to the table.

“Yeah.” Sirius put their hand on their thigh. “I’m just going to get changed, these jeans aren’t so good for eating a ridiculous amount of Greek food. I’ll bring more wine through on my way back?”

“Sure, sounds good, love.” Remus kissed their cheek.

Sirius slipped off the sofa and tried not to practically run to the bedroom. Oh god, they were going to propose. Shit. Sirius pulled the ring out of their pocket after watching the doorway for a long moment, stashing it at the very back of their drawer, amongst things they hoped Remus wouldn’t want to look for in the next two days. Not tonight, not tonight. At the weekend, when they went climbing. Remus would like the romanticism of going out climbing, they were sure. Sirius got halfway to the door before they remembered they were meant to be getting changed, and quickly went back to pull on some sweatpants—theirs this time, they were sure—before going back to the living room. 

Shit, they were going to propose, they thought as they saw Remus sitting on the sofa, scrolling through to find something to watch whilst they ate. They were going to ask him to spend the rest of their lives together. Shit.

Sirius grabbed the wine bottle and sat back on the sofa next to Remus. He had gotten cutlery whilst they were in the bedroom and was already tucking into the chicken souvlaki ** _._ ** Sirius kissed his cheek. “What do you wanna watch?”

“Umm, I’m not sure, something funny, I think.” Remus shrugged.

“Too distracted by Greek food obviously.” Sirius grinned, nudging Remus’ knee as they popped a piece of pita with hummus in their mouth.

“Clearly.” Remus hummed. “Are you excited to go climbing Saturday? I’m looking forward to it.”

Oh god, Sirius wanted to burst with it! They loved him so much. “Yeah! I’m so excited, it’s been too long since I saw you climb properly. Where are we going?”

“I haven’t decided yet.” Remus shrugged a shoulder, reaching for his wine.

“It’ll be good either way.” Sirius settled on an old series of  _ Whose Line Is It Anyway? _ just as something to have on in the background. They couldn’t concentrate.

“Yeah, I’m glad it’s supposed to be nice out.” Remus finished his dish.

“Hopefully!” Shit, Sirius had to do  _ something _ with this information, else they’d never sleep or sit still. Sirius opened their phone—avoiding getting hummus on it—and texted Reggie.

_ I have news. _

Oh boy. News. What is it?

_ Serious news Reg.  _

_ Well, good news. Big news. _

What is it then?

_ I’m going to ask Remus to marry me at the weekend. _

Sirius made sure their phone was well hidden from Remus, their hands practically shaking with excitement as they ate their food.

OH MY GOD!

Sirius!

That’s amazing!

_ Right?  _

_ I’m… idk, when you know you know. I want to do it right now but I’ll do it at the weekend _

_ He’ll like that _

Yeah! Wait until the weekend, Sirius.

That’s probably a good idea.

Aren’t you two going climbing or whatever?

_ Yeah! I’ll do it then, that’s what I thought _

_ I can’t believe it _

I can believe it.

You two are so fucking in love.

_ We are. It’s sort of disgusting isn’t it? _

_ Speaking of. I need to change the subject else I’m gonna burst. _

_ How are you and Ben? _

Okay, don’t burst, Hold it together.

Ben and I are great… we’re still dating and it’s going well.

_ I’m glad I didn’t fuck it up for you. _

I’m glad too.

Thanks.

I still need to hit you and Remus up about that joint.

_ Please do. Next week? _

_ Or maybe we’ll celebrate this weekend after…. _

_ Oh my god Reggie what if he doesn’t say yes? _

You really think he’ll say no????

Sirius glanced up at Remus, his eyes on the television, grinning at something funny. God, he was so gorgeous and he was so wonderful. They wanted to stay like this forever. As if on cue, Remus glanced across at Sirius, smiling even wider. Sirius tucked their foot against his thigh and Remus responded by rubbing his hand over their calf before glancing back to the television. Sirius ate another piece of pita and hummus.

_ No.  _

_ I think he’ll say yes. _

Of course he’ll say yes, Sirius.

_ Yeah. You’re right. _

_ Keep it quiet though, don’t tell James or he’ll ruin it. _

I am excellent at keeping secrets.

I won’t tell a soul.

_ Thanks kid _

_ Have a good evening _

You too, Sirius.

See you later.

Sirius deleted the text conversation, deciding it would be better than having a whole other fiasco about seeing things they weren’t meant to see, before pushing their plate aside and scooting down the sofa to squash next to Remus.

“Hi you.”

“Hello there.” Remus set his wine down, putting his arms around Sirius’ shoulders.

“Good Greek food?” Sirius pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, smiling.

“Mmmhmm,” Remus replied, pulling Sirius on to his lap. “You okay?”

“Yeah, actually.” Sirius smiled, sliding their arms around Remus’ waist. “I’m okay. You were very understanding earlier. Thank you.”

“Of course, I’ll always try to understand.” Remus kissed their forehead.

“I love you.” Sirius leaned forward, kissing him lightly.

“I love you too.” He pulled them into a deeper kiss, one hand sliding down their back.

Sirius grinned into the kiss, nipping at Remus’ bottom lip, one hand running up through his hair. He kissed back quickly before trailing a line of kisses down Sirius’ jaw, stopping to nuzzle for a moment.

“Mmm, hi,” Sirius murmured, pressing their lips into Remus’ hair, shifting a little closer. They could never resist Remus kissing their neck, and he knew it. God, they loved him.

Remus laughed as he pressed a soft kiss to just under their jaw. “I just want to kiss you all night.”

Sirius thought of their first date, of staying up until two in the morning kissing Remus and thinking how crazy it all was after only a few hours. “Yeah,” they said, nodding a little. “We can do that.”

“I know.” Remus laved his tongue over the spot he had just kissed.

“God.” Sirius swallowed, their hands running over Remus’ shoulders and down his arms. “I want to do this forever, just sit and kiss you.” They felt a little emotional all of a sudden.

“Mmm, we can.” Remus smiled against their neck before sucking at the spot he had been giving attention to.

“ _ Ah _ —” Sirius bit their lip, shivering as they pressed closer, running their hands up through Remus’ hair. “Jesus, Remus, your mouth…”

Remus continued to kiss, bite and lick at their neck. His hands stayed on their back or their sides. Sirius squirmed a little, in no rush to get off, they weren’t too bothered by it tonight, actually, if Remus wasn’t. Sirius just wanted to be with him, pressed together like this, it was enough. Whatever Remus did was always enough.

“My neck is gonna be  _ purple _ ,” Sirius breathed, blunt nails scratching lightly over Remus’ scalp, their head tilted back.

“Purple? Maybe not the whole neck, just a few spots. Got to keep the birthmarks there.” Remus snorted a laugh, continuing his kisses.

“Maybe not my whole neck,” Sirius shot back, laughing breathlessly, blinking up at the ceiling and sort of overwhelmed by how much they loved him. They ran their fingers through his hair and down his shoulders, wanting to memorise every inch of him.

“Just a few spots, really. Tasteful hickeys,” Remus murmured.

“Oh, tasteful ones, sure.” Sirius grinned, one hand gripping onto Remus’ arm as they shivered again. They were pretty sure Remus could cover them in hickeys and they’d be happy. “Remember you gave me one on my arse?”

“Ha, yes. Would you like another one? Is that a hint?” Remus chuckled against their neck.

Sirius bit their lip. “Mm, it’s up to you, darling. Wherever you like.”

“Let’s go lie down and see what happens. You can get off later if you want.” Remus looked up at them with a grin.  
  
“Okay.” Sirius ducked down and kissed him quickly, the skin on their neck already tingling a little. Remus was  _ so _ good. How had they gotten so lucky? 


	30. Chapter 30

T-minus 24-ish hours until he was going to ask Sirius to marry him. Remus had worked a half day because he spent the second half with his mam and the Potter’s. Effy and Monty had insisted on taking her out to have lunch after he had told them about the proposal and how Hope was in town. Effy, Monty, and his mam hit it right off. It was so great to see. He was a little nervous because Effy and Monty were a bit more… proper?... than his mother, but they were wonderful together. Even if Remus was suffering through them mostly trading stories.

“I remember once, Remus turned the  _ whole _ bathroom blue trying to dye his hair, back in his teenage years. I mean, it was everywhere, Effy, up on the  _ ceiling _ and everything. I still don’t know how you managed it dear.” 

Remus rolled his eyes, checking his phone because James was meant to meet him there.

“Blue hair? Huh, Remus, I can’t picture it.” Monty chuckled.

Hope smiled. “Oh, there’s photos. I’ll have to see if I have any on my phone, actually. Sirius couldn’t believe it either!”

“Fleamont, you can’t talk, remember that awful perm you had in the 80s?” Effy gave her husband a wry smile over the top of her drink.

Remus perked up. “Really?”

“She’s lying, it wasn’t awful.” Monty shook his head.

“Bad hair decisions run in the family, then. Do you remember James and Sirius tried to bleach the ends of their hair? Oh, I don’t remember what the term is called, it was all the rage with the boy bands!”

“FROSTED TIPS? SIRIUS HAD FROSTED TIPS?” Remus leaned across the table. “Please, tell, do you have pictures?”

Effy laughed, throwing her hand up. “Yes! Those! Oh, both of them did, they weren’t frosted so much though because the dye must’ve not worked so well or something… just sort of  _ yellow _ .”

Remus laughed so hard, he had tears in his eyes. “Oh my god, I’m marrying someone who used to have frosted tips.”

“Not very punk, is it, dear?” His mam chuckled.

Monty chuckled. “I bet there’s photos somewhere, Eff.”

“Tell me, how did they used to dress?” Remus raised an eyebrow. He suddenly felt like he had some sort of strange advantage having lunch with the parents alone.

“Well, when they were younger, both Sirius and James were involved in a lot of sports at school, so it was always shorts and t-shirts. Or if we saw them at the end of term to go back home it would be very prim and proper, wouldn’t it?” Monty glanced to Effy then back to Remus.

“Mmhmm.” Effy nodded. “I don’t think they could dress how they wanted. And then when they came to live with us I suppose it gave them a little more space. Then we got the makeup and the leggings and the  _ very _ fashionable dresses.” Effy smiled. “I remember taking them to get their first pair of high heels.”

Remus frowned for a moment because he was hoping to hear something embarrassing, but it wasn't at all. “Damn, they were always fashionable. Though I’ll give them crap for the hair.”

“I’m so glad you both took Sirius in. They’re so lovely, I can’t imagine…” His mam shook her head.

Monty nodded. “We were glad to have them. Sirius is as much ours as James is.”

“We’ve, ah, brought the mood down a little, haven’t we?” Effy said, setting her glass down.

“No, it’s okay.” Remus shook his head. “I’m really thankful for you both.”

“And we’re thankful for you.” Effy put her hand over Remus’ as Monty nodded. “Sirius is so happy with you.”

“Yeah…” Remus sighed, feeling insanely happy.  _ My Austen heroine _ , Sirius’ voice in their head said.

“Effy, Remus tells me you enjoy baking.” His mam changed the subject.

“Yes! Bread is my favourite, really. Or anything yeasted, I suppose.” Effy looked thoughtful, turning to Hope.

Monty grinned and nudged Remus in the arm. “We’ve lost them.”

Remus felt a bit nervous. The Potters didn’t strike them as an edibles kind of family. James smoked oregano for god sakes.

“Remus got me this wonderful book this past Christmas called Get Baked. It—”

“Mam!” Remus cut her off.

Effy frowned, glancing between the two of them before smiling softly. “No no, I’m interested.”

Remus went wide eyed. Sirius had told him that Effy would probably lecture them endlessly if she found them smoking anything.

“Oh, well, it’s a cookbook all with weed involved. I made Remus and Sirius some cookies and brownies. I’m sure the ones from Christmas are all gone.” His mam gave him a look.

“God, Sirius is going to die.” Remus wished they were here for this conversation.

“Ah, yes! I’ve heard things about this, lots and lots of interesting medical studies, right Fleamont?” Effy sat forward, interested. “Not to mention, we were teenagers too once!” She gave Remus a sly grin.

“Please, please have a conversation like this in front of Sirius, they’re going to lose their mind.” Remus pleaded with them.

Monty chuckled as Effy sipped her drink before saying, “Sirius is probably still stuck on when I found them and James smoking something as teenagers. You’re all adults, I trust you all to do the right thing.”

“Plus, it’s my own weed.” His mam smiled as if she was talking about the vegetables in the garden.

“Oh, you grow your own? We’ll have to talk gardens at some point, Hope,” Monty said, peering over the top of his glasses at Hope. “I imagine there’s lots to be learned.”

“Yes, I love my garden. I’ll give you some tips. I grow more than weed.” She shot Remus a look.

“Colour me intrigued.” Monty laughed.

Remus looked up to see James at the host stand. “Oh, he’s here. Please, do not say a word about what’s going on yet.”

James spotted him over the tables, throwing his hand up in greeting. “Oi oi, Moo—” Remus could tell the exact moment he spotted his own parents at the table with them. He wound through the tables, brushing off the waiter who came up to him. “Er, hello Mum and Dad… Everything alright?”

Remus jumped up. “Everything’s fine. James, this is my mam, Hope. Mam, this is Sirius’ brother, James.”

James skirted around the table and held his hand out to Hope, still a little bewildered. “Nice to meet you ma’am.”

“Call me Hope, darling, it’s so nice to meet you.” She stood up and gave James a hug.

“Oh, er, sure, Hope. Lovely to meet you.” James hugged back before going around to greet his parents. “This is surprising,” he said, once he straightened up.

“We need to go grab Marly, then I will tell you all about what’s going on.”

“Okay?” James put his hands in his pockets. “Now?”

“Yes, now.” Remus put a hand on his arm.

“Okay.” James gave him a long look, clearly a little concerned, before turning back to his parents. “I didn’t know you were in town? We’ll do dinner before you go back again?”

Effy smiled at James, glancing to Remus. “Yes, darling. Everything’s fine. We’ll come and see you.”

Remus hustled them off to his car, being badgered by questions the whole way. He put on some music, hoping to drown James out as he went to go pick Marly up at the studio. Remus had told her he needed help picking out something sexy for Sirius. That was the only way he could come up with some excuse.

“Ready to pick out some fucking — Potter? What are you doing here?” Marlene glared across the open window of the driver’s side where she was poking her head in.

“I will tell you all about this in a minute. Marlene, we’re not going to the sex shop.” Remus shook his head. “Get in the back, come on.”

James’ frown deepened as he watched Marlene get in the car. “Okay, Moony, what’s going on?”

Marly leaned forward between the two front seats. “I was promised a sex shop, Moony.”

“Yeah, well, tough shit. I would never ever go to a sex shop with you.” Remus scoffed as they drove. “I have something to talk to you both about, we’re going to wait til we’re back at yours Marly.”

“Okay.” James glanced at Marlene, who gave a shrug in reply.

Remus breathed a sigh of relief as he drove them to Marlene’s flat. He found a spot fast, thankfully, then they went up to Marlene’s. He sat them both down on the sofa. He knew vaguely what was going to happen when he told them and wished he had brought ear plugs. “I have something very important to tell you.” Remus spoke in an even tone.

James had one hand lodged in his hair, staring at Remus like he’d grown two heads. Marlene was perched on the edge of her seat, leaning forward. “What, what?”

“You can’t say anything until it happens.” He cleared his throat. “Okay?”

“Well, I think that depends on what it is, I mean—”

James clamped his hand over Marlene’s mouth, still staring at Remus. “Okay.”

“I...I am… I’m going to propose to—”

Marlene’s shriek was deafening even with James’ hand covering her mouth. James moved quickly enough though, throwing his hands up into the air. 

“OH MY GOD!” Marlene jumped up from her seat, screaming. “Ahhhh! Ah! About time Remus!! About fucking time! Oh my god, oh my god you’re going to get  _ married! _ Where? When? What kind of thing?  _ Colour schemes? _ WAIT NO!” Marlene jumped up and down on the spot. “The proposal the proposal! Where, where where? How? Do you have a ring,  _ let me see it! _ ” She gasped. “ _ Do you need dancers?! _ OH MY GOD REMUS!” 

James, meanwhile, had his hands pressed over his mouth, eyebrows raised. His eyes looked more than a little misty.

“Yes… I have the ring and I haven’t even thought about the wedding because that’s something for both of us, yeah? James… are you okay?” Remus looked to the other man.

“Mmhmmm!” James made a sort of squeaking noise, nodding vigorously. There was a moment's pause before he burst forward and threw his arms around Remus’ neck. “My baby’s getting married!” He practically wailed, knocking Remus back. “You’re gonna get married! Oh my god, oh my god. Does Lily know, have you told Lily? That’s why my parents were here! Oh my god!”

“Ya — yeah… you two are the last two know because I knew you’d have a hard time keeping the secret.”

Neither of them took any offence to that, apparently. James carried on wailing  _ oh my god _ as he set Remus back down, tears on his cheeks. “Oh my god, when?”

Marlene waved her hands. “Let me see the ring! What have you organised? Where? Oh this is so romantic, you’re so cute!”

James’ eyes widened. “OH! Is that why we’re keeping tomorrow free!?  _ Is it tomorrow?!” _

“OH MY GOD!  _ Tomorrow?!” _

Remus rolled his eyes. “Yes, tomorrow. I’m taking them climbing after my morning class and I’m going to suggest watching the sunset, which we did on our first date.” James made another squeaking noise. “You all are going to be there and, ah, hiding though while I ask. Then hopefully we’ll have a little bit of a celebration.”

“Aw! Oh shit, this is amazing! Of course you’ve got it all planned out a— wait, does that mean Dorky knows?” Marlene turned around, looking in the kitchen for her. “DORKY!”

“Dorky is still at PureFit…” Remus laughed.

James shook his head. “Oh my god, you’re going to get married. They’re going to  _ freak out _ , you know. It’s perfect, this is perfect.” He leapt forward again, throwing his arm around Remus’ shoulders. “My brother in law!” Remus imagined he tried to sound really jovial about it but James’ voice broke halfway through and he ended up wailing again. “Oh my god. You’re getting  _ married _ .”

“I know,” Remus said with a smile. “I can show you the ring, I was about to drop it off for Alice to bring with her when she sets up.”

“Yes, yes!” Marly shouted, at full Marly-volume, waving her hands again.

James nodded, reaching onto the coffee table for a tissue and blowing his nose.

Remus took the ring box out of his pocket. He wasn’t feeling nervous about it all, really, he was far more excited. “Here.” He opened it and set the box on the coffee table for them to look at it. “It’s the star map of tomorrow night at our location with a few stones for the stars.”

True to form, Marlene shrieked, and James burst into a fresh set of tears.

“So, you like it?”

“It’s perfect!” James wailed.

At the same time Marlene nodded. “It’s so cute! It’s amazing!” She patted James on the shoulder, leaning in to look closer. “It’s really beautiful. They’ll love it, right Potter?”

James just nodded, blowing his nose again.

“Good, Lily and Dorky know all the plans, so just follow whatever they’re doing. You can’t say a fucking word to Sirius. I don’t care if you just ignore them for the night and tomorrow.” Remus pointed at them both.

Marlene held up her hands. “Not a word. I’ll have Dorky keep me busy tonight.”

“I won’t say a thing,” James said, dabbing his eyes. “I swear.”


	31. Chapter 31

For once, Sirius was off on a Saturday morning. Remus had a class mid-morning, so Sirius was thankfully able to pace around the flat to try and keep themselves in one piece. They were going to propose to Remus,  _ today _ . They were going climbing in the afternoon, and Sirius would do it then, somehow, somewhere. Whenever it felt right. They tried to keep themselves busy for a while, cleaned the kitchen  _ and _ the bathroom, vacuumed the whole flat and reorganised a few shelves of records. That helped, because they got sidetracked pulling out old albums and listening to things, sat cross-legged by the player and knowing Remus would be calling them a music snob if he saw them right now.

Eventually, when they could kill no more time, Sirius showered and got dressed. Shorts and a tank top would be fine; Sirius didn’t expect to climb a  _ whole _ lot, they didn’t want to look all sweaty and tired in the inevitable selfies that would follow the proposal. They could just watch Remus climb all afternoon, that was no hardship. After psyching themselves up, Sirius fished Remus’ ring out the back of their dresser, looking at it for a moment. It would suit him, they were sure. He would love it. Sirius put it back in the little paper bag from the shop and wrapped it up in a scarf they would shove in their bag, just in case. Okay. They were going to do this.

By the time Sirius was expecting Remus, they had everything they needed in their  _ I’d Rather be Pole Dancing _ bag; water, snacks, and Remus’  _ fucking engagement ring _ . Oh god. Their phone rang in their pocket and Sirius glanced at the screen.

_ Incoming call from Rem _ 💙

“Hi you,” Sirius answered, already crossing to shove their trainers on.

“Hey, love, I’m here. Need any help carrying things?” Remus asked, even though he knew Sirius didn’t.

Sirius grinned, shouldering their bag. “I think I’ll manage a water bottle and some snacks, caro. I’ll be down in a sec.”

“All right, love you. See you in a minute.”

“Love you.” Sirius hung up, clattering down the stairs, jittering with nervous excitement. Climbing would help, that first. Focus on one thing at a time, they told themselves, stepping out onto the street and immediately spotting Remus’ bright yellow car. Sirius tapped on the window when they walked up. “Boo.”

Remus laughed, rolling his window down. “Hi, love.” Remus gave them a peck on the lips.

“How was your day?” Sirius asked, quickly skirting around to climb into the passenger seat.

“Great, great groups today.” Remus beamed over at them. “How was your off morning?”

“Productive!”  _ Nervous _ . “I cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom. Apparently boredom does great things.” Sirius smiled, scrolling through their playlists. “Glad you had a good group. Ready to go hang off some tall things with your fingertips?”

“As always.” Remus laughed, driving off.

“The weather looks good for today, thankfully.” Sirius tucked one leg up onto the seat, setting their chin on their knee. Next time they were in the car they would be engaged. Sirius tried not to think about Remus saying no, they were pretty damn sure that wouldn’t be the case.

“Yeah, maybe I’ll get rid of the shirt at one point.” Remus smirked over at them.

Sirius groaned, biting their lip. They pressed their hands together as if praying. “Please be good weather, please be good weather.”

“Still hilarious as the first time.” Remus chuckled.

“Knew it.” Sirius laughed, reaching over to put their hand on Remus’ knee. They leaned their head on the pillar of the door as Remus drove, singing along to some chill Saturday afternoon playlist.

As soon as they pulled off the motorway, Sirius realised where they were going. They grinned, biting their lip. Oh, this would be so perfect. Back to the first place they went climbing, maybe they could sit in the same place as before, where they watched the sun go down and talked about Tuscany. Oh this was so perfect. Sirius hit Remus lightly on the knee. “I know where we’re going.”

“Oh yeah, where to?” Remus grinned.

“To where we first went climbing, on our second date.” Sirius smiled, so excited. This was perfect, it was all working out wonderfully. Maybe after they could phone everyone and they could go to someone’s place or to the jazz bar to celebrate. Oh god, they were going to propose and it was going to be amazing.

“Exactly, yeah. We haven’t been out here for awhile, thought it’d be fun.”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah, yes. It’s great. I love it out here.”

“Me too, it’s my favorite spot.” Remus nodded, turning into where they had parked last time.

Ah, it looked exactly the same too. The sun was a little lower in the sky but it was still beautiful. God, Sirius was so excited. They leaned over to kiss Remus’ cheek. “Shall we?”

“We shall.” Remus returned the kiss before hopping out of the car.

Remus led the way up through the trail to where they had climbed all those months ago, when Sirius had just wanted to snog Remus silly after watching him go do what he was best at. Of course, nothing had changed in that department, Sirius still thought Remus was the most gorgeous thing they’d ever laid eyes on, and that was doubled, at least, when he was climbing.

“Do you want to go up first?” Remus asked, opening his bag.

Sirius bit their lip, glancing at their watch. It would be a while to sunset, they could climb first, and then just watch Remus afterwards. “Okay. I wanna see if I can get to the top of the run I couldn’t last time.”

“Perfect.” Remus held out Sirius’ harness — the climbing one.

Sirius put their hand on his shoulder as they stepped in, bending to kiss the top of his head. “One day I’ll feel like I won’t die if I don’t have the ropes, eh?”

“No, you’re staying on the rope forever.” Remus grinned as he did the straps.

“Protective.” Sirius laughed, watching Remus work.

“Of course. I need to make sure you can spin on your pole forever.” Remus stood up and kissed their forehead.

Sirius smiled, squeezing their hand on his shoulder. “Okay. Let’s go. I want to get to the top.”

Remus got them on the belay and kissed them once more before letting them go to the cliff face. “Climb on, love.”

“I remember this first bit,” Sirius said, more to themselves than Remus, stepping on and climbing up. They took it slowly, determined not to fall. Sirius had gotten a lot better at climbing since they first came up here. It wasn’t their preferred place to be—inverted knee grips were far less terrifying—but they loved being out here with Remus.

“Yeah? You’re climbing much faster than that first time. There’s also far less screaming.” Remus snickered.

“Oh ha ha,” Sirius shot back. They paused at a large handhold, glancing back over their shoulder at him. “I’ve got the best teacher.”

“Damn right.”

Sirius laughed. How was it that they made each other better in every way? Sirius didn’t believe in other halves and being completed by someone else but they got on together so well. It was almost baffling. Sirius paused at a handhold, glancing around. “I’m stuck… This is where I fell last time I think! Remus where am I going?”

“Up to the right, love. There’s the handhold there, got to swing a little bit.”

“Where? Ah… Shit. That’s far away.” Sirius glanced up, biting their lip. Okay, pole knowledge would help. Sirius pressed into the cliff with their knee, trying to feel a little sturdier so they could reach up to the handhold. “Really?”

“You got it!” Remus called up.

Sirius knew they could jump higher than this on solid ground, they knew they could grip things well enough too. “Okay, okay.” Determined not to close their eyes, Sirius pushed off, swinging up and right and managing to grab a hold of the outcrop. They dug their toes into the footholds and held on. “Ah! Yes!”

“Great job, love!” Remus let out a whoop.

“Yess!” Sirius laughed, feeling their cheeks heat. “Okay, okay.” It was easier from here up, they could see the top of the outcrop and were dead set on getting to it. It felt like hours but it was probably only a minute before they hauled themselves up onto the plateau. “Yes! I made it, I fucking made it!”

“Great job! I’ll come up, okay? Don’t move.” Remus grinned.

“What?” Sirius said, laughing, but Remus was already crossing over and climbing into the base of the cliff.

“I’m coming up. You’re not on belay though, so sit tight.” Remus was nearly halfway up.

“You make it look so bloody easy you arsehole!” Sirius grinned, staying where they were. The view was beautiful up here.

“You love it.” He pulled himself up. “Mind if we move to the harder run down the way after?” Remus asked, breathing a little heavy.

Sirius shuffled to the side, shaking their head. “No, I don’t mind. I get to sit and watch you again.” They grinned, watching Remus, he was so gorgeous.

“You’re such a voyeur.” He smirked.

“When you look like that, can you blame me?” Sirius bit their lip. “You’re gorgeous.”

“You are too.” Remus moved to kiss them softly.

Sirius leaned in, kissing them softly. They were going to propose. The thought made their heart hurt. They could spend the rest of their lives doing this; eating good food, going climbing, dancing, kissing Remus. It was all so perfect.

“I’m so happy right now.” Remus sighed. “Fuck, I’m swooning.”

“My Austen heroine.” Sirius grinned, kissing him again. “This is so wonderful.”

“It really is.”

Sirius let out a breath. Wait until sunset, they told themselves. “You wanna go climb the hard routes?”

“Yes, please. Let me get down then you can come on down, okay?” Remus kissed them once more.

“Okay, I’ll stay here.” Sirius leaned forward, watching as Remus climbed back down. Usually they saw him climbing from below but above was especially gorgeous too. Remus’ shoulders were upsettingly gorgeous.

“Stop watching me with that look in your eye.” Remus chuckled when he was nearly down.

“I am just  _ looking _ , darling. I’m a voyeur after all aren’t I?” Sirius chuckled.

“Yes, just don’t get off yet, save it for when we get home.” He hopped off the cliff the last few feet.

Sirius laughed. “I’m a voyeur not an exhibitionist, caro.” 

“You never know.” Remus went back to the belay. “It seems like we’re always coming up to new Things with the both of us.”

“That’s true. Does it count if your kink is just  _ me _ , though?” Sirius waited until Remus was hooked back up before sliding off the edge of the outcrop and picking their way down.

“No, probably not. Though, I do like the harness and the leather and bossing you around a bit.” Remus laughed again.

“Fair, I suppose.” Sirius smiled, concentrating on finding holds to climb down.

“We all know that your kink is just my fingers.” Remus snorted a laugh.

Sirius snorted a laugh. “Call me  _ out _ , why don’t you?”

“I like it.”

“I know you do, you wouldn’t indulge me so often if you didn’t.” Sirius hopped onto solid ground and strolled the short distance to Remus.

“My kink is you after all, right?” Remus pulled them close with an arm around their waist.

“Lucky me, then.” Sirius smiled, kissing Remus’ jaw.

“Mmm, hmm.” Remus turned to kiss their lips.

Sirius kissed back softly. “Kissing me before you go off climbing is a surefire way to make sure I’m into exhibitionism, Remus.”

“Ah, I should stop then,” Remus muttered against their lips.

“You  _ say that _ .” Sirius grinned, nipping his bottom lip.

With one more peck to their lips, Remus pulled back. “We can do more of that later.”

Sirius grinned. “Yes please.” They stepped back, stretching their arms over their head. “Okay, let’s go round to the harder routes.”

“Let’s go!”

Sirius settled on the same outcrop as they did last time they were here to watch Remus climb. He left them there with a quick kiss before going over to the cliff face and climbing. Sirius watched with their bottom lip caught between their teeth, their bag in their lap, feeling Remus’ ring, wrapped in the scarf, against their leg. They were going to propose, and then they and Remus were going to get married. It was surreal.

Watching Remus climb always was gorgeous—god, Sirius really  _ was _ a voyeur, weren’t they?—and sitting with the knowledge they could be together for the rest of their lives only made it even more beautiful. Sirius felt like they were fizzing over with how much they loved him. God, everything was so perfect Sirius felt like it couldn’t be true. The sun was getting lower as Remus climbed, everything was bathed in warm light and Remus looked like something entirely otherworldly making his way up the outcrop. When he got to the top he pulled himself up—Sirius watched the way his back moved with the motion—and sat on the edge.

“That was quicker than last time, I bet!” Sirius called.

“Yeah? That’s great. It felt good.” Remus looked off to his right. “What do you say we go watch the sunset?”

Sirius swallowed, nodding as they looked off towards the sunset too. This was it. “Yeah… yeah that sounds perfect.”

“I’ll be down in a minute!” Remus moved and dropped down to the first hand hold.

Sirius bit their lip watching him, they would never get tired of the way he moved. Years later, Sirius would still find him irresistible, they were sure. Whilst Remus was distracted climbing, Sirius dug the ring out of its safe place and put it in their pocket, trying to get their heart rate down to something human.

“Okay, this way,” Remus said, holding their hand out to them.

“Yeah,” Sirius breathed, taking his hand. Oh god, it was happening.

Remus led them around the cliff face, down a path. “Just here…”

“This is so beautiful here.” God, Sirius’ palms were clammy. They could feel the ring in their pocket. Here, here was perfect, just right here.

“Yeah, it is.” Remus brought them to the place where they had sat before.

Sirius let out a breath, looking out over the countryside for a moment, remembering how they had sat here months ago and talked about Tuscany, thought about how lovely it was here with this man. Now they were back here again, together and hoping to stay that way for a long time coming. They turned to look back at Remus, smiling softly.

“Sirius… I…” Remus cleared his throat, looking down to a small bunch of rocks. “I’m so happy with you.” He smiled widely, going to kneel down, hand reaching out to the bunch of rocks. “I had all these things that I wanted to say, but…” He grabbed something from the ground.

Sirius hurried to pick their jaw up off the floor, their hands going to Remus’ shoulders. “Rem,” they ushered out, grinning. “Oh my god, Remus, I—” Sirius fumbled in their pocket, pulling out the ring and kneeling down too, grinning so wide their face hurt with it. 

“You’re kidding.” Remus laughed, holding out the ring box, which must have been in the little pile of rocks. “Of course you’re asking.”

Sirius laughed, putting one hand over their face. “I can’t believe this, of course we’re both doing it. I… I didn’t think about what to say, I thought something might come up in the moment…”

“See, I thought of so much that I wanted to say to you but… I think my — ha, oh god, I think my brain is broken or something.” Remus chuckled, reaching for their hand. “Sirius, this is so ridiculous.”

“Isn’t it?” Sirius took his hand, kissing the back of it. They hadn’t even looked at the ring yet, none of the extra stuff seemed important except being here with Remus and him looking like that. “I love you. So much, like I’ve loved nothing ever in my whole life.”

“Me too, Sirius. I can’t imagine not being with you every day. It hasn’t even been a year and I, fuck, I really can’t remember how I felt before you.”

“I feel like it’s before you and after you. Before you isn’t even important anymore, it’s… it’s just you. No one has ever understood me like you before and I want that forever.”

“I feel the same way, so… are we going to marry each other then?” Remus grinned.

Sirius laughed, shaking their head in disbelief. Their fingers were surprisingly sure as they held up Remus’ ring. “I want to ask you properly.”

“How about at the same time?” Remus dropped his ring box and held up the one he had bought for Sirius.

Sirius bit their lip. “On three? One... two… three.”

“Remus, will you marry me?”

“Sirius, will you marry me?”

“Yes!”

“Obviously!”

Sirius resisted the urge to throw their arms around Remus’ shoulders and kiss him senseless, instead holding out the ring for him. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah, holy shit. Wait, who gets to put the ring on first?”

“At the same time!” Sirius grinned, half laughing as they held their left hand out to him, probably deliriously happy.

“Right! Of course.” Remus held his left hand out as well. “Okay.”

Sirius bit their lip, eyes flickering between Remus’ hand and his face as they slid the ring onto the ring finger of his left hand. It fit perfectly, miraculously.

“I can’t… I can’t believe this.” Remus laughed, pulling Sirius close to him.

“Me neither, oh my god, of course we both asked!” Sirius wrapped their arms around his shoulders, hugging him tight. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Remus kissed them soundly. “Oh my god. I have another surprise for you.”

“Another?” Sirius laughed, so happy. They glanced down at their hand, seeing the ring properly for the first time, the silver band with the star map etched into it, tiny crystals in some of the stars. “Oh my god, Remus, it’s… holy shit.”

“It’s the star map of tonight.” Remus kissed them once more before standing up, staring at his own ring. “This is so nice. It reminds me of the mountains.”

“Tonight? Oh…” Sirius wrapped their arms around his middle, grinning. “That’s what I thought, I thought of cliff faces, and then you.”

“It’s amazing.” He held his hand up then started to lead Sirius back towards the path.  
  
Sirius followed, staring at him. The only thought going around their head was  _ I’m going to marry this man _ , over and over. That was more than okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the wonderful comments we've had about the way this fic deals with both asexuality and gender fluidity. it means a lot to us both!


	32. Chapter 32

Remus was still staring at his ring then looking back to Sirius every so often as they walked down the path towards where their friends were waiting. Of course they asked the same day, same time. It was ridiculous how in synch they could be. But it was perfect. Remus and Sirius were going to get married. Fuck. After the most wonderful and crazy last 9 months, it was all Remus could want, a life with Sirius.

“Just around here.” Remus kissed their cheek as they rounded the bend.

His jaw dropped a little because Alice’s preparations were more than Remus could have asked for. On the cliff were fairy lights with their pictures hanging from them. Up ahead were candles and more fairy lights in a little clearing of trees. Remus could see their friends and family waiting down the end. It was perfect.

Sirius stopped dead in their tracks. “Oh…” They gave a little breathless laugh, tugging Remus to stop with their hand in his. “Is this…? Oh my god Remus…”

Remus laughed, kissing their cheek again. “Yeah?”

“You did all this? It’s… it’s so beautiful.” Sirius’ voice sounded a little strange as they wound their arms around his waist. “Holy shit.”

“Well, Al and the others helped.” Remus pulled them against him again.

“Is that them? Oh m—  _ Remus _ . You planned all of this?”

“Yeah, I did.” Remus nodded. “I’m a big sap.”

“You’re a big fucking sap, a huge, ridiculous hopeless sap and I’m gonna fucking marry you,” Sirius said, laughing as they sank into him. 

Behind them, Remus could hear footsteps. He supposed their friends would only wait for so long.

“I’m going to marry you too.” Remus kissed them one more before looking up to see James running at them.

“Well!?” James shouted, grinning. Hot on his heels were Marlene and Hope, also grinning.

In response, Sirius held up their left hand, laughing.

“So, who knew Sirius was asking, is what I want to know.” Remus asked as they walked towards the group, meeting James, Marlene, and his mam halfway.

James scooped Sirius up into a hug before Remus’ words must’ve sunk in. “What? You were asking too?” 

Marlene shrieked and pulled both Remus and Hope into a brutal hug.

“Jesus, Marly! Yeah, they asked too!” Remus felt giddy.

The rest of the group came up to meet them as James set Sirius down, who was flushed and grinning ear to ear. Effy and Monty were there, Regulus, Dorcas, Lily, Alice, Frank, Peter, Mary and baby Rowena. Sirius hugged everyone, bewildered but grinning.

“Yeah, I asked too.”

“I knew,” Reg said, grinning as he came up to hug Sirius and then Remus. “Congratulations.”

“I’m so happy, darling.” His mam kissed his cheek.

Sirius was still looking around, their expression awestruck as they hugged everyone. “You planned all this… how long ago did you… decide?”

“Um, that morning in London after KP,” Remus explained as he was also attacked by hugs.

“ _ What? _ That was…  _ weeks _ ago, Remus!” Sirius hooked their arm around his waist again, as if they didn’t want to be even slightly apart.

“I know.” Remus laughed.

“He called Peter and I the next morning to start planning. Oh! I’m so happy for you two.” Alice hugged them both at the same time.

Sirius hugged Alice back, kissing her cheek. “ _ Weeks _ … Remus I decided on Thursday.”

Remus let out a sharp laugh. “THURSDAY?”

Sirius leaned into him, pressing their face into his upper arm. “Thursday. I saw the ring whilst I was waiting for Greek food and just  _ decided _ . Oh my god, you’ve had this planned for weeks. And you’re all here.”

Thursday. Shit, Thursday was the day Remus had seen Sirius’ notes and they had that long talk. They had returned home in such better spirits. “I almost asked you in Fiesole on a whim. I decided this was better.”

“I knew it! I could tell! I knew it!” Sirius looked around for Alice. “Right? I knew it.” They turned back to Remus, grinning. “Oh, this is so perfect, you’re perfect, I love you.”

“It is, it’s perfect.” Remus kissed them again.

“Come on, we have champagne!” Peter clapped his hands.

“Oh my god,” Sirius murmured against his lips, grinning widely.

“Come on, let’s go have a glass.” Remus kissed their temple then saw Frank snapping away with his camera. “Oh! Frank! Did you get any pictures of the proposal?”

Frank grinned as he walked closer, nodding.

“Frank! Were you snapping away?” Sirius laughed, hugging him. “Oh my god, let me see my awful dumbstruck face!”

“Sure.” Frank clicked on the buttons on his camera then turned it towards Remus and Siriius.

He was so glad that he had asked Frank to try to get pictures because they looked so ridiculously happy. “Oh this great. Your face is adorable.” Remus bumped their hips as Sirius stared at the screen.

“Oh my god,” Sirius mumbled, one hand over their mouth. “Look at us. Oh look, you got the moment I realised what he was doing! And then the moment  _ he _ realised what  _ I _ was doing!”

“I didn’t realize I looked so confused.” Remus chuckled, resting his chin on Sirius’ shoulder to look at the screen.

Sirius leaned back into him, one hand coming up to lightly trace his cheekbone. “I can’t believe we both asked…”

“We’re just that together, I guess.” Remus hummed at the touch.

“Here, champagne for the future married couple.” Dorcas handed them each a glass.

“Thanks.” Remus took it with his free hand, Sirius was still looking down at the camera.

Sirius took their glass, glancing up at Remus. “I can’t believe this. You did all this… it’s perfect.”

“I had to live up to my romantic sap reputation… well just for you.” Remus pressed his lips to theirs again.

“You’re  _ my _ romantic sap, caro.” Sirius kissed back, grinning.

“I am.” Remus couldn’t get over the night and how perfectly it was going. He didn’t want it to end.

Monty cleared his throat, tapping on his champagne glass. “Everyone, if you would. I’d like to make a toast.”

Remus looked towards Monty as all their friends gathered closer to them. Sirius had their arm tight around his waist, leaning back into him.

“I think I can speak for everyone here when I say I am so happy for you both, Sirius and Remus. I knew from the moment I heard Sirius even  _ speak _ about you, Remus, that you two were meant to be, and that feeling only intensified when we met you and saw how happy you both were, and still are. You both compliment each other so wonderfully, and your happiness is beyond infectious.” Monty smiled, his voice sounding a little tight. “So, a toast, to love, to marriage, to happiness, and to Sirius and Remus.”

Remus clinked his glass with Sirius, going in for another kiss at the same time. Sirius kissed back, their arm tightening around Remus’ waist as the calls of  _ To Sirius and Remus! _ went up around the group.

“I love you so much.” Remus gave another quick peck.

“I love you too, caro. So much.” Sirius kissed him again. “This is perfect, thank you.”

Just as Remus was about to reply his mam came over for another hug. “I’ve never been so happy.” She kissed each of their cheeks again.

“You’re here,” Sirius said, hugging Hope tightly. “I didn’t know about any of this, and you’re here and Monty and Effy are here.” They bit their lip, shaking their head in disbelief. 

“I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.” She smiled at Sirius. “I’m so happy you’re going to be a part of our family, Sirius.”

Sirius grinned. “You can’t get rid of me now.”

“I would never want to. You’re so wonderful.” She hugged Sirius tight and Remus moved back a little, watching happily.

Effy came bustling over, coming up to Remus and pulling him right into a hug. “Oh my, look at you, you look so happy, darling. Welcome to the family proper, we’re so glad to have you here.”

“I am so happy! I’m so happy to be in your family.” He hugged her back.

She kissed his cheek, smiling. “You and Sirius will have to come over. We can talk about everything. I can’t wait for your wonderful day.”

“Yeah, sure.” Remus hadn’t thought too much about the wedding, really. He was more concerned about the proposal.

“Let them breathe a minute, Effy.” Lily laughed.

James appeared at his wife’s side, still bleary eyed, and almost elbowed his own mother out of the way. “Moony! Moony, I’m so happy. You’re getting married to the best sibling I’ve got.”   


“Your only sibling,” Lily said from behind him.

“You’re so good for each other and you treat them so right and you’re both so happy and it’s perfect. I love you both so much,” James carried on, unperturbed by Lily’s correction.

“Thanks, mate. I really am so happy.” Remus clapped him on the shoulder as someone came up behind him and hugged him. “Ah.”

“I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT THIS HAPPENED! I MEAN I CAN! IT’S AMAZING! I’M SO JEALOUS OF YOUR ENGAGEMENT! NOT REALLY BECAUSE THERE WAS NO DANCING! THAT’S OKAY THOUGH! I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH!” Marlene seemed to be at a higher level than usual, somehow.

“Shit, Marly.” Remus laughed as she let go.

Sirius yelped as they were pulled back into the hug by Marlene, laughing too as they wrapped their arms around Remus and her. “God, Marly I’ve gone deaf.”

“She’s been like this since last night!” Dorcas scoffed.

“I’M JUST SO HAPPY!”

“I can tell.” Remus took a deep breath when she let go.

“REMUS ONLY TOLD POTTER AND I LAST NIGHT, CAN YOU BELIEVE?”

“I wonder why,” Sirius said, grinning at Dorcas before looking to Rowena, who Marly had bouncing on her hip. “Hello little one! Oh hi, how are you? This dress is very fancy, how cute are you?” Sirius took Ro, setting her on their hip. Ro was probably grateful to be away from her very  _ loud _ Auntie Marly. “I bet you’re loving this, everyone is so happy and—” Sirius broke off in a laugh as Ro pulled their hair— “Yeah! I’m pretty happy too.”

Remus’ heart soared even more watching Sirius with Ro. “Oh, Ro,” He cooed, going to where she was clutching Sirius’ hair. “Don’t pull that.”

“Not Padfoot’s hair, sweetie,” Sirius said, tilting their head, smiling at Remus as he detached Ro’s sticky little fingers from their hair. They bit their lip, grey eyes glinting in the fairy lights.

“Soon it will be you two and your own little one.” Mary kissed his cheek. “Won’t it Ro?”

Remus flushed. “No, that’s far off. We’re the cool Moony and Padfoot.”

Sirius laughed, kissing Mary’s cheek. “Let us get married first, Mare, at least,” they teased, hugging her.

“She won’t stop talking about you getting a baby.” Peter laughed. “I think she just wants Ro to have a playmate.”

“Try bugging Lily, Mare,” Sirius said, dropping their voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “I know she and James would  _ love _ kids. Tell her it’s in her star chart or something.”

Mary smiled. “Here, let me see Ro, I’ll go chat with her.”

Sirius passed Ro to Mary, pulling a face at the little one as they did. “Be good for Mama, darling.”

Remus watched them walk away before Alice was suddenly at their sides. “Did you go look at the pictures on the cliff yet?” She asked with wide eyes.  
  
“Pictures on the cli— _ Oh! _ ” Sirius’ jaw dropped before they grabbed Remus’ hand and pulled him over to the cliff face strung with fairy lights. “I didn’t even notice this!”


	33. Chapter 33

Sirius tried to pretend they didn’t have tears in their eyes as they stood looking at a wall of photographs of them and Remus, strung up on fairy lights. They had Remus’ hand in theirs and a glass of champagne in the other, biting their lip as they took it all in.

“Look, there’s the one in Fiesole. I love this one.” Remus pointed at the photo of them kissing in front of the amphitheater.

Sirius nodded, sniffing softly. “Me too. I was so happy. Still am. So fucking happy. And look—” Sirius pointed to one from Marlene and Dorcas’ engagement. Remus was looking at them like the room was otherwise empty— “at Marly and Dorky’s party. We’d just said we wanted to be official.”

“We were official long before that.” Remus kissed their cheek again.

“Weren’t we? From day one it feels like…” Sirius hummed, looking back to the photos. “My birthday. There’s us at the table, and then that one, I think that was just after I won that stupid cereal box game and you were about to sweep me off home.”

“Yeah, the first night we did  _ that _ .” Remus chuckled. “Look, us and my mam at Christmas.”

“Oh yes! I haven’t seen this photo before!” Sirius leaned closer, laughing at their red eyes and dopey smile. “Ah! My selfie from the KP gig!” Sirius bit their lip, looking away from their happy faces, both grinning at the camera, Remus’ chin on their shoulder. “You really decided then?”

“That morning you were dancing around the kitchen making coffee and I thought, fuck I want to see this every morning. I realized I couldn’t go a day without you being mine forever, you know?” Remus’ voice cracked.

Sirius turned to him properly, cupping his cheek. “I was already yours forever, caro. We get to have a big party to show it now.”

“And some fancy piece of paper.” Remus chuckled, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you decided Thursday. Well… I can but… Thursday? How’d you find this ring?”

“Thursday,” Sirius said with a nod, feeling their face flush. “It feels so silly! I was killing time waiting for Greek food and I went into an antiques shop and I just… it caught my eye. I saw it and thought of the cliffs here, actually, the rich colour and the shapes and then I thought of you, and just… out of the middle of nowhere I thought  _ I’m gonna propose _ .” Sirius laughed, shaking their head. “Surprised myself with the thought. I nearly did it when I got back with food. I couldn’t keep it to myself.”

“Oh god, you would have ruined the surprise!” Remus chuckled.

Sirius nodded, laughing. “I text Reggie. I had to tell someone... “ Sirius trailed off, realising. “Oh, that’s why he was so adamant I wait until this weekend!”

“Yes! Thank god it wasn’t Marly or James, Jesus, they would have told you to do it right away.” Remus smiled. “Oh, look, a picture of us from New Year’s Eve.”

“Monty went so hard asking us about getting married, remember? It felt like everyone was asking about it.”

“Ha, yeah, I do. My mam asked me when we were up for Christmas.” Remus pressed his lips to their temples again.

“I’m glad it’s now. This is perfect.” Sirius shook their head in disbelief again, kissing Remus lightly on the mouth. “It’s all perfect.”

“I’m so happy you loved it. I wanted it to be everything that made us happy, you know? The only thing missing is a pole.” Remus shrugged.

Sirius laughed. “This is why we need a pole at home.” They pressed a kiss to his lips again. “It’s perfect,  _ you _ make me happy, everything else is a bonus.”

“You too, love.” Remus sighed again. “Oh my god, I can’t stop sighing.”

“My Austen heroine,” Sirius said, thinking they would never tire of that phrase or the look on Remus’ face or any of this. “I… I can’t believe any of this, I don’t know if it’s sunk in.”

“Effy’s trying to plan our wedding already. I just want to savor this for a little bit.” Remus’ lips went for their neck.

Sirius tilted their head back, unable to resist him. “Is she? God… she’s got a Pinterest board, hasn’t she?” They grinned, wrapping their arms around his shoulders.

“Oh god, her and my mam are probably planning. OH MY GOD! I HAVE TO TELL YOU!”

“Oh! What?” Sirius pulled back, blinking. “What?”

“I got lunch with the Potters — oh and you had frosted tips — shit, not my point… My mam brought up baking and then went to weed, as she does.” He waved a hand. “Effy interested in her edibles and Monty wants my mother’s tips on gardening.”

Sirius stared up at Remus. “What? Effy was interested in  _ edibles? _ No way…”

“YES! I was dying, Sirius, dying.”

“I… what? Really? She lectured James and I when we were teenagers!” Sirius laughed, looking around for Effy.

“She said something like we’re adults and have decent judgement and that she was a teenager once.” Remus laughed, leaning into Sirius.

“Oh my god…” Sirius bit their lip. “Can you imagine if your mam and Effy start getting baked together?”

“Oh my god, Sirius, I can’t. Oh god… you were always on about Effy being uptight and… ha, I was so shocked at lunch.”

“She  _ was _ , she so was. That’s very her though. Like, I brought you up well enough to know what to do, and if you make mistakes we’ll be here…” Sirius grinned. “You had lunch with them?”

“Yes, you had frosted tips? Sirius, what were you thinking?” Remus nudged them.

Sirius snorted, burying their face in Remus’ shoulder. “For like a week, at sixteen. They were all the rage, we thought we were so cool.”

“If I met you at 16 I would have hated you. Oh my god. I made fun of people with frosted tips at 16.” Remus shook his head.

“Such a badass little punk at sixteen,” Sirius said, grinning. “Well, jokes on you because I figured myself out and ended up being really fashionable  _ actually _ .” 

“I know! I asked how you used to dress and Effy basically said you’ve always been fashionable.”

“When I could explore things, yeah.” Sirius smiled, cheeks flushing at the idea of them all talking without Sirius present. “It took me a while but I got there. And listen, I ended up bagging this incredibly handsome, wonderful man who just agreed to marry me.”

“I’m the best garbage.” Remus beamed.

“My best garbage.”

It was an hour or two later when everyone started to find their way home. Sirius had been glued to Remus’ side, holding his hand, staring at him, smiling at him, kissing his cheek in passing at every opportunity because they couldn’t quite believe this was all happening.

With a contented sigh, Sirius climbed into the passenger seat of Remus’ car, the smile still set on their face. “Oh my god…”

“I can’t wait to get home. Oh god, it’s so far away.” Remus turned the engine on then put his head back against his seat. “I just want to be in bed with you right now.”

Sirius grinned, putting their hand on his knee. “The sooner you get driving, the sooner we’ll get there.”

“Okay, okay.” Remus pulled out of the spot. “We’re getting married.”

“Oh my god.” Sirius laughed, pressing a hand over their mouth. “We’re getting married.”

“I’m so glad I did it this way and not impulsively in Italy.”

“That would have been wonderful too,” Sirius said, thinking back to that day in Fiesole when they were so taken aback by the look on Remus’ face outside the church. “But this is perfect, just like this.”

“I can’t believe I almost asked then.” Remus bit his lip. “That wouldn’t have been me. Though, it was romantic.”

“This—” Sirius waved a hand vaguely— “was you to a tee. It was so you. So  _ us. _ ”

“It’s very us. I’m so glad everyone could come up, especially our parents.”

“Me too. I can’t believe you kept it all a secret for so long.”

“It was easy enough because I wanted to give this to you. I was more nervous about everyone else slipping up. Oh god, you should have seen James and Marly yesterday when I finally told them.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“I bet!” Sirius laughed. “I think it’s so funny you only told them yesterday so they wouldn’t ruin it.”

“James cried, Marly screamed. I mean, I guess it was a lot like tonight, really.”

“That sounds exactly right.” Sirius squeezed their hand on Remus’ knee, unable to stop the grin on their face.

The drive home seemed to take forever, but Sirius didn’t mind, chatting away with Remus and listening to King Princess, which seemed to be their go to album for being happy together. They parked up near the flat and walked hand in hand together, grinning stupidly, the short distance back home. At the door Sirius kicked off their shoes and shrugged off their jacket with another contented sigh.

“You sighed! Ha! Austen!” Remus tickled their sides.

“No!” Sirius shrieked, twisting away from him. “Not tickling, no! Oi!”

Remus didn’t let up. “You’re so cute with your giggling though.”

“Remus!” Sirius shoved at his hands, laughing so hard there were tears in their eyes. “Oi, get off, stop it you little bastard!”

Remus did stop, pulling them close and kissing them soundly instead. Sirius grinned into the kiss for a moment, their hands going to Remus’ chest, wary of more tickling. He wrapped his arms around Sirius, kissing them as he led them back to their bedroom.

“Oh now you’re nice,” Sirius murmured between kisses, going with Remus, hands sliding up to his shoulders.

“Always nice.” Remus’ hands were going under their shirt as his tongue swept against Sirius’ bottom lip.

Sirius hummed, pressing close as they got to the bedroom. They were going to say something snarky back but decided kissing Remus after a day like today was far more important.

“Hmm, no comment?” Remus’ fingers grazed up their back.

Remus knew them too well. Sirius laughed, arching into him. “It might possibly be to do with us getting married but I just wanna kiss you. Although, obviously you’re expecting my witty comebacks.”

He chuckled, pulling the hem of Sirius’ tank top up. “I love your witty comebacks. Part of the reason I’m marrying you.”

Sirius held their arms up, laughing. “You’re nice in that awful teasing I hate you kind of way, caro. With the tickling and that look you give me when we’re out in public.”

“I’m  _ very _ nice to you.” Remus got their shirt off, tossing it to the side. “You love my awful teasing.”

“I wouldn’t say  _ very _ ,” Sirius said, urging Remus back towards the bed, their hands going to the hem of his shirt.

“I kiss you and make you happy, I’m very nice.” Remus lifted his arms as the backs of his legs hit their bed.

“I  _ suppose _ .” Sirius pulled his shirt off, tossing it somewhere. “I’m so giddy about getting married I forgot all about you climbing earlier.”

“You forgot about me climbing? Wow, you must be giddy.” Remus went to get Sirius out of their shorts, fingers teasing at the waistband.

Sirius huffed, pushing Remus down to sit on the edge of the bed, their hips canting forward towards his touch. “Just a little, don’t get too big-headed.”

“Ha, you were losing your mind.” Remus slid their shorts and briefs slowly down their hips.

“I wonder why?” Sirius grinned, despite the current situation, feeling deliriously happy. “I can’t believe we both asked.” They ran their fingers through Remus’ hair, watching him closely.

“I can, really, it makes so much sense with us.” Remus pushed their bottoms the rest of the way off then pressed a kiss to their stomach.

Stepping closer out of their clothes, Sirius smiled, shaking their head a little as they kissed the top of Remus’ head. They loved him so much it felt like it hurt. Sirius didn’t think it was possible to be this happy. “I love it.”

“Me too.” Remus pulled them on to his lap. “You had hickeys for our engagement photos.”

Sirius laughed as they settled over his thighs, their hands on his shoulders. “Oh my god, I  _ did! _ ” They put a hand over their throat; they’d forgotten all about them.

“I may have done that on purpose.” Remus smirked, his hands batting Sirius’ away to trace over the hickeys.

“Mmm,  _ may have _ .” Sirius tipped their chin back, pressing close to Remus. “Why are you still wearing clothes, caro?”

“Oh, it was so on purpose. That’s why they were tasteful hickeys.” Remus chuckled, hands going up Sirius’ thighs. “I don’t know, why am I still wearing clothes?”

“Are tasteful hickeys even a thing, darling?” Sirius grinned, glancing down to the waistband of Remus’ jeans to undo the buttons.

“Yes.” Remus pressed a kiss to their neck.

Sirius laughed. “No elaboration on that?” they said, kneeling up to push Remus’ jeans down.

“Tasteful because they’re small little ones, not giant see from space ones.” Remus lifted his thighs to help Sirius get his jeans off.

“Ohhh, right,  _ elegant _ and  _ refined _ ,” Sirius teased, pushing Remus’ underwear away too. “That definitely makes sense.”

“Yes, I thought so.” Remus pulled them back down, kicking his jeans and underwear out of the way. “You love them.”

Sirius grinned, catching Remus’ hands and bringing them up to kiss his knuckles. “You know I do.”

“Do my hands look even better with the ring?” Remus watched them carefully, eyes going dark.

“Ah…” Sirius licked their suddenly-dry lips, kissing Remus’ left hand again, tongue swirling slowly over the knuckles and the base of his fingers. “Yeah, so much better.”

Remus laughed as his other hand caressed down Sirius’ stomach. “Yeah?”

“Mmhmm.” Sirius shivered, watching Remus’ face as they kissed down his fingers, lingering at the engagement ring. “I’ve had a legitimate reason to be thinking about your hands all night, for once.”

“Hmm, you sure do.” Remus used his strength to get Sirius on their back so he was over them, looking down with a grin as his finger traced below Sirius’ lip.

Sirius let out a surprised little huff, grinning as they wriggled to get comfy. God, he was so gorgeous. “Yeah, thinking about what I want to do with them,” they murmured, holding Remus’ gaze as their other hand traced up his arm.

“And what’s that?” Remus’ voice was low as his slid a leg between Sirius’.

“So many things,” Sirius said softly, leaning up to catch the tip of Remus’ finger lightly between their teeth, arching up to press their bodies together.

Remus hummed, sliding his fingers between Sirius’ teeth. “Show me.”

Sirius moaned, tongue curling around his fingers, closing their lips around them and sucking softly. Their eyelids fluttered for a moment, relishing this, they always loved Remus’ fingers, all chapped from climbing and so strong. No, they wanted to watch this, forcing their eyes open, watching Remus watch them.

He was looking down at them in a way that made Sirius’ stomach go wiggly. His gaze was mostly on Sirius’ mouth, but flickered up to their eyes every so often. “You’re so hot, Sirius.”

“Mmm,” Sirius managed, smiling a little. Remus looking like this at them was one of the greatest things, like it was just the two of them in the whole world. Sirius sucked a little harder, laving their tongue over the sensitive pads of his fingers.

“Fuck.” Remus let out a long breath before wrapping a hand around the base of Sirius’ cock.

The noise Sirius made was absolutely a whine, their hips bucking up towards Remus’ touch. Oh god, Remus knew just how to touch them. His fingers pressed a little deeper into Sirius’ mouth as he stroked up, stopping to move his thumb of the head of their cock. Sirius moaned sharply, their head tilting back as they let their jaw go lax, trying to keep eye contact with Remus but they wanted to close their eyes and sink into this.

“I want to get you ready for me but I can’t bring myself to move.” Remus’ voice rumbled, his lips going for Sirius’ neck.

Sirius nodded, humming in agreement around Remus’ fingers. They wanted to throw their head back to bare their neck to him but that meant moving from his fingers and they didn’t want that either. Sirius wanted him inside them too but that meant moving from this and this was bliss.

“Let’s see.” Remus removed his hand from their cock and fumbled at the nightstand. “Ah huh!” He said triumphantly with a laugh. “Here we go.”

Sirius’ eyes flickered shut, their hips lifting to chase Remus’ touch for a moment before sinking back into the sheets with a groan. Their hand came up to hold onto Remus’ wrist, bobbing their head a little, lavishing attention on his fingers like they were his cock.


	34. Chapter 34

The fact that Sirius was basically giving Remus’ fingers a blowjob was insanely hot and he was having a hard time trying to open the lube. “Shit, Sirius, I need both hands.”

Sirius groaned, letting go of Remus’ hand after a moment, swallowing hard. “Well I need both your hands too and sometimes we have to make sacrifices,” they said with a grin.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” Remus raised an eyebrow as he finally opened the lube.

They rolled their eyes, leaning up to kiss the soft spot below Remus’ ear as an answer. “Depends if I can get your fingers back in my mouth whilst you do.”

“Sure, I’ll fuck you nice and hard while you suck on my fingers.” Remus tossed the lube aside. “Roll on to your side.”

Sirius nipped at Remus’ earlobe before obliging, facing away and glancing over their shoulder at him. “Mm that’s the second best thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Better than asking you to marry me?” Remus moved behind them on his side, urging Sirius to bend one knee up.

“No, that’s number one, duh.” Sirius was breathing a little hard already, doing as Remus wanted, pointing their toes. They even made this look elegant.

Remus kissed their neck, finger pressing against their entrance. “Don’t forget, princess, I always give you what you want.”

Sirius moaned softly, tilting their head to the side as their hips pushed back against Remus. “Oh god, you do.”

“Always, love, always.” Remus’ finger slid into them.

“Ah—” Sirius dropped their head back onto Remus’ shoulder, a smile playing on their lips. “What feels better?”

“Hmm?” Remus’ finger nearly pulled out before pressing back in. “Are you asking if your arse or your mouth feels better?”

Sirius shuddered against him, gasping softly. “Yeah. Ah, wherever you put your fingers I love it.”

“I love both. Both feel good. I like my cock in both too. I’m bi, Sirius.” Remus added another finger.

“Ha, ah… I walked right into that one, didn’t I?” Sirius grinned, biting their lip as Remus moved his fingers.

“Oh yes.” Remus moved both fingers slowly and kissed at Sirius’ neck. “I love feeling you. I love being in you and I love when you’re inside me.”

Sirius moaned, their hips shifting. “You feel so good. Later, a—after, I wanna fuck you with your fingers in my mouth too.”

“Anything you want, princess.” Remus nipped at their neck.

“Oh god,” Sirius gritted out, shuddering. “Hurry up.”

“You got to fuck my fingers one day too.” Remus teased a third finger against Sirius. They answered by canting their hips back against his fingers, letting out a sharp moan. He smirked against their neck, trying to stop himself from just removing his fingers and replacing them with his cock. “What do you want, princess?”

Sirius bit their lip, still grinding against Remus’ hand. “Oh fuck, everything, whatever you want.”

Remus’ fingers crooked inside Sirius as he continued at their neck. “Tell me what you want, princess.”

“Fuck. Fuck, I want you inside me, Rem.”

“I am inside you.” Remus nipped at Sirius’ neck.

“Your cock, oh fuck.” Sirius reached back over their shoulder, grasping at Remus’ shoulder and up through his hair. “Come on Remus.”

“Yeah? You want my cock?” Remus didn’t move his fingers.

Sirius huffed a humourless little laugh, clenching their fingers in Remus’ hair as they pressed back against him. “Yeah, yeah I do. Fuck. I want your cock so deep inside me I’ll feel you for days. I want you to fuck me so hard, Rem.”

“Yeah? I like that.” Remus carefully pulled his fingers out. He slipped the arm he had been leaning on under Sirius’ head, resting his fingers on their chin. “You want my fingers in your mouth too?”

“Yeah,” Sirius agreed, turning their head for a kiss, panting a little.

Remus’ lips found Sirius’ as his cock pressed into Sirius. He stopped the kiss, pulling back to breath against their lips. They shared the breath for a moment before Remus moved his hips again as they kissed again, messy and desperate. Sirius gave a little shorn-off sigh into the kiss, their back arching to meet Remus’ thrusts, their tongue stroking Remus’ bottom lip.

“Mmm, Sirius. I love you.” Remus moaned. “You’re so fucking good, princess.”

Sirius let out a moan, biting their lip, their teeth catching Remus’ lip too. “I love you.”

“Suck my fingers, Sirius, come on,” Remus panted as he continued to fuck Sirius.

“You love it too, don’t you?” Remus could  _ hear _ the smile in Sirius’ voice as they turned their head, swirling their tongue around the tip of his middle finger.

“Yeah, shit, I do. Anything you do, princess.” He put his head on Sirius’ shoulder, trying to make this all last longer as he felt Sirius’ warm, wet tongue on his finger and Sirius all around him. It felt far too much. Everything was too much, but so fucking good.

Sirius hummed, sucking Remus’ middle and ring finger into their mouth, swirling their tongue around them. He groaned as he moved his hips, his free hand went to Sirius’ cock because he couldn’t stand not coming. They could do this all again later. “Come for me, princess.”

Sirius’ body clenched around him, their tongue laving over his fingers, back arched. They met his thrusts with a soft whimper and Remus could tell they were on the edge.

Remus’ hand moved faster as his hips jerked a bit wildly. “Come for me.”

Sirius tensed, shuddering as they came with a long, low moan around Remus’ fingers, still sucking. With only two more thrusts, Remus came with Sirius’ name on his lips. He felt completely out of control as he let his body do as it pleased, holding on tight to Sirius. Sirius went boneless against him, tilting their head a little to let his fingers slip out of their mouth. They kissed the tips of his fingers, breathing hard. “Holy shit.”

“That’s your tag line today, love.”

“Isn’t it?” Sirius turned their head to press their face into the pillows. “God.”

“You’ve said it so many times tonight.” Remus’ arm was still wrapped tight around Sirius.

Sirius nodded, still catching their breath. “That was hot, fuck.”

Remus hummed, pressing a kiss to Sirius’ neck. “I know. Shit, I think I do have a thing for you begging.”

Sirius looked at him, grinning wryly. “You think, darling?”

“You’ve been calling me darling all night too.” Remus chuckled. “Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s obvious.”

“Caro feels too… nice to call you when you just did that to me.” Sirius grinned. “It’s like you and princess and love. I dunno… Do you mind it?”

“Oh! Oh, no I understand. Like, I call you love when we’re just, you know, around or whatever. Then when I’m being horrific in some way, I use princess. I see.” Remus nodded, shifting his hips to finally pull out.

Sirius made a soft noise at that, smiling. “Mmm, darling is my horrific name. Caro is when I catch myself looking at you and think  _ fuck _ , I love him so much it hurts.”

Remus sat up against the pillows and brushed his fingers through Sirius’ inky black hair. “You call me caro a lot.”

“I think that a lot,” Sirius shot back, resting their head on Remus’ shoulder.

“It’s why I call you love a lot.” Remus continued to run his fingers through their hair. “I’m so happy, Sirius.”

“Me too.” Sirius turned their head, kissing Remus’ neck. “We’re getting married.”

“We are… I… I had so much I wanted to say to you tonight and I feel like I couldn’t get the words out right.”

“It’s okay, we have our whole lives to get the words out.” Sirius pushed themselves up onto one elbow, kissing the corner of Remus’ mouth.

“We do.” Remus wrapped his arms around them. “I never really thought I’d have something like this…. Any of this, this love, the engagement, the sex, this whole network of friends… I don’t know...”

“Me neither.” Sirius smile softened a little. “I thought when I was younger I’d be stuck as everything I didn’t want to be all my life, and then when I got kicked out and everything changed I still didn’t think I’d get it… I thought I’d get the career and then just… keep my head down. But now I have you, and all of this…” Sirius picked up Remus’ left hand with theirs, where the two rings sat on their interlaced fingers.

Remus pressed a kiss to Sirius’ knuckles. “I don’t understand how we didn’t meet until last August.”

“Mary would have an answer for us.” Sirius kissed Remus’ knuckles, then his mouth. “I don’t care, I’ve got you now.”

“Yeah, I know.” Remus smiled at them. “We have this whole life ahead of us, don’t we?”

“All these years, caro.”

“I can’t wait to see what it’s going to be like.” Remus’ free hand went back to their hair.

“We have tonight too,” Sirius mumbled, twisting to kneel up and kiss Remus a little deeper.

Remus laughed into the kiss. “Insatiable.”

“We can’t be all talk, caro.” Sirius ran their hands through Remus’ hair, nipping at his lower lip. “I want my turn, too.”

“Yeah? Still with my fingers in your mouth?” Remus pressed his body against his partner.

Sirius grinned. “And you say I’m insatiable?” They ran their hands down Remus’ chest, grabbing his hips and tugging him down the bed a little.

“Never said I wasn’t at the moment.” Remus let Sirius put him where they wanted. “Maybe all night and all tomorrow. We’ve new brownies, you know?”

“Oh? I’m intrigued. We can go to the living room and recreate Boxing Day, only I get to fuck you this time.”

“Sounds wonderful, later, let’s stay right here for now.” Remus pulled Sirius in for another kiss.

Sirius laughed into the kiss, their hands sliding up Remus’ thigh, one hand curling around his cock as they slid their tongue into his mouth. Remus let out a surprised noise into Sirius’ mouth at the touch. His hips jerked up, still feeling a little sensitive from before, but his body was very interested in what Sirius was doing. Sirius stroked him for a moment longer, long and slow and gentle, before their fingers drifted lower between Remus’ legs.

“Mmm, fuck Sirius. I want you so bad — again.”

“Again,” Sirius agreed, chuckling as Remus felt the press of their finger against him.

“Again, always, forever… whatever— ah…” Remus pushed against the finger.

“Forever, yeah.” Sirius kissed the corner of his mouth, pulling back and kneeling up as they glanced around for wherever Remus had thrown the lube earlier.

Remus saw it first and grabbed it to hand to them. “Yeah.”

“Eager, my love.” Sirius uncapped the bottle and poured some onto their fingers before tossing it back down onto the sheets.

“Only for you.” Remus slid his legs apart a little wider.

Sirius hummed in approval, sliding their fingers down to press over him again. “I feel like I’ll never get tired of this, with you. Years doesn’t feel like it’ll be enough.”

“Ah, fuck. Yeah, years…” Remus canted his hips, wanting more of Sirius.

Sirius eased their finger into him, their eyes flickering all over Remus, their lip bitten. He loved watching Sirius taking care of him, they never looked like they knew where to look. Remus wanted the night to go on forever, but he was also dying for Sirius to be inside of him.

“Fuck, oh, I’m so glad we’re switches.” Remus laughed, breathlessly.

“Ha, me too. God I love you like this, you’re so gorgeous. Look at you, god…” Sirius moved their finger, teasing another one against him.

“Hurry up and fuck me, princess, please.” Remus grinned, knowing what the please and princess could do to Sirius.

Sirius’ eyes closed as they pressed their second finger into him. “I’m getting you ready, darling. So I can fuck you properly.”

“Ah, shit, yeah? How are you going to — to do that?” Remus rolled his hips a bit.

“I want you on your hands and knees when I do.” Sirius met his movements, twisting their fingers. “I like you like this, because I can see your face and how much you want me to hurry up so I can get my cock in you, but I want you on your hands and knees for that.”

“Christ, yeah.” Remus arched his back, Sirius never had him in that position before, whenever Sirius wanted him, it was like this (minus the time in the shower but that was different).

“Yeah?” Sirius grinned, easing in another finger. “And we’ve got the mirror too, remember that time?”

Remus’ insides did a strange fluttery thing at the thought. “Fuck, yes.”

Sirius bent down and kissed the inside of Remus’ knee. “You ready for me, caro?”

He nodded, panting already. “Yeah, yes, Sirius.”

“On your knees then,” Sirius murmured, removing their fingers as their gaze raked over him.

Remus pulled them down for a kiss first before moving, hand going into their hair once more as he held them close. Sirius kissed back, their tongue coiling against Remus’, one hand settling on his hip. Even though they had all night, Remus wanted to move now… but he also wanted to kiss Sirius longer, so he continued the kiss as his hand settled on Sirius’ hip. Sirius crawled a little closer, biting Remus’ lip, soothing the sting with their tongue.

“I should move,” Remus mumbled between kisses.

“I like kissing you,” Sirius hummed, trailing their lips over Remus’ cheek and temple before circling back to his mouth.

“Me too, but I want you to fuck me like that too.” Remus caught their lip between his teeth then pulled back.

Sirius smirked, sitting back on their heels, touching their bottom lip where it was all kiss-bitten for a moment. “Go on then.”

Remus kissed them quickly once more before getting on his hands and knees, moving a bit so he could look in the mirror. He looked completely satisfied and debauched from what he could see in the low light of the room.

Sirius leaned over and kissed his shoulder, glancing at him in the mirror. “Hi.”

Remus laughed, dropping his head. “Come on, princess, fuck me, please.”

Sirius ran their hand down his spine to grip at his hips as Remus felt their cock pressing against him. “You know, I think I have a Thing for you begging too, caro.”

“Shut up, and fuck me, Sirius.” Remus pushed his hips back.

“Oh alright then,” Sirius chuckled lowly, pushing into Remus in one long thrust.

“Shit,” Remus picked his head back up again to look in the mirror. Sirius was grinning behind him, holding on to his hips.

Sirius, the utter bastard, winked at him as they pulled out enough to snap their hips forward, lip caught between their teeth.

“Fuck, yeah, Sirius.” Remus met the thrust with his hips, gripping the duvet in his hands.

“Ah, caro, you look so good like this. So fucking good.” Sirius’ fingers dug into his hips a little, their thrusts slow and sharp.

“Oh, oh, fuck.” Remus watched them in the mirror, lip still caught between their teeth. It was always a preference of Remus’ to be the one in charge in the bedroom, but he didn’t mind Sirius taking over at all. He craved it, and he was craving it now.

In the mirror, Sirius’ head was tipped back a little, a smile playing on their lips as they thrust into Remus. “God, fuck, look at you.”

“Look — look — ah, at you.” Remus gasped when Sirius’ thrust hit his prostate. “Shit.”

Sirius’ hand slid from his hip, grazing over his stomach then lightly over his cock, all whilst they were relentless in their thrusts. “Ah, you’re always so good.”

Remus was sure that he couldn’t see straight. He could barely look in the mirror any more so he dropped his head down and went to his forearms. “Oh, oh shit, Sirius.”

“Oh fuck.” Sirius moaned at the shift in position, stroking Remus in earnest as their free hand slid back up his spine to tangle in Remus’ hair. “Fuck.”

“Are — you, shit— are you close, princess?” Remus turned his head a little, trying to breath.

“Yeah,” Sirius panted. “God, so close.” They twisted their wrist, thumbing over the head of Remus’ cock as their thrusts got a little faster. 

“Me too, oh shit.” Remus felt his body tensing, right on the edge of it. “Yes, fuck.”

Sirius moaned sharply, dropping their chin to their chest. “Ah, you feel so good, so fucking good.”

“Sirius, shit.” Remus moaned loudly. “I’m gonna come. Fuck.”

“Do it,  _ ah _ , god you feel so good around me,  _ shit _ .”

With a few more, quick, hard thrusts Remus came, groaning as he held on tight to the duvet. He was sure that he blacked out for a moment and on a completely different planet. Above him, Sirius moaned as they came only a handful of thrusts later, their hips finally stuttering. When Remus came back to his senses, Sirius’ chest was pressed against his back, their mouth on his shoulder.

“Shit,” Remus muttered into the mattress. “Jesus, we’re really good at that.”

Sirius laughed, kissing Remus’ shoulder blade. “We are, aren’t we? Holy shit…”

“And we get to get even better and better at it.” Remus laughed.

“All that practise.” Sirius heaved a big breath, shifting to pull out of Remus with a soft groan.

He shifted, readjusting to the feeling of Sirius not inside of him any longer. “We’re getting married.”

Sirius flopped onto the bed next to him, a bubble of laughter escaping from their mouth. “We’re getting married.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next part up tomorrow!


End file.
